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#412278 - 03/24/11 02:49 AM NEED ADVICE PLEASE
lrdrlover13 Offline
New Member

Registered: 03/24/11
Posts: 5
Im 22 and my fiancée is 23. We were together a year before we got engaged everything was going fine but in the last year things have been going downhill. He is bipolar which makes it hard enough. All we do is fight latley. I am stressed because he works 3 days a week and still lives at home with his parents. He has a car payment to make to his parents, yet he wont find a second job to pay it. I am trying to find a job and have to live on food stamps to get by and cash assistance i hate it but he always criticizes me for it. His best friend is a girl and i found out he has been saying mean things about me to her, and now she thinks im a bitch. I want to save my relationship but i have no idea what i should do. I try so hard to better my life and i worry about him all the time. But he just wont talk to me and tell me what is wrong. What should i do? I want to save my relationship but i feel like its getting to the point where i can't do it anymore. Please help me

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#412300 - 03/24/11 02:04 PM Re: NEED ADVICE PLEASE [Re: lrdrlover13]
Siegel Offline
Companion

Registered: 01/31/11
Posts: 124
it can be saved when you change approach. right now youre the worrying side, caring a lot (which is good!) but maybe if you change your approach and act like you dont care for a while, plus stop paying for his stuff. never buy him food or whatever he wants. when you show him that hes the one who has to take care of himself and achieve a certain degree of independency then maybe hell go out and look for another job.

just be straight and clear about it, try not to get emotional when he confronts you about your changed behavior. if he loves you hell respect you for that, maybe hell b**ch about it in the beginning, and if he doesnt stop, then just end it.

try worrying less about him and more about you. make your life about yourself first of all, save your relationship with yourself and then everything will be okay wink sometimes us women really feel like we need to take care of men and we feel this type of unconditional love towards our man that we cant imagine leaving them.

i was in a similar situation and it took me months to change my approach. in the end my man got a job and everythings been much better since. when i showed him im not gonna buy his tobacco twice a week, which was ridiculous, as i dont even smoke myself. just when he realized he had no other choice but to take care of himself, did our relationship get better. of course we still fight sometimes, but its never serious anymore and we make up fast.

and about his friend- if you feel like theres a reason to be jealous, then its not worth it. if you trust him but still feel jealous, you need to work on it then. try replacing every negative thought with a positive one. for example, when hes at her place and youre thinking- "that woman damn it! why would he rather hang out with her??" replace it with "oh, its good that he has such a good friend he can talk to about things and that he doesnt cling to me all the time". maybe you wont believe it in the beginning, but repetition helps! hehe. after a while, you wont think about it so much anymore, and just go on about your day. we often make a choice to stress over things, whether they be worth the stress or not. sometimes we can just convince ourselves to relax and focus on something else.

good luck.

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#412320 - 03/24/11 03:41 PM Re: NEED ADVICE PLEASE [Re: lrdrlover13]
lrdrlover13 Offline
New Member

Registered: 03/24/11
Posts: 5
Thank you i think i will try that i never thought about that <3.

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