RomanceClass Forum Logo

all ads on this forum support charities
Forum Areas
Non-Romance Relationships
Does He/She Like Me?
Dating
Long Term Partners
Breaking Up
Health and Exercise
Organizing and Cleaning
Stress Reduction

This Ad Supports Charity
Support Our Friends
The Child Health Site
Topic Options
#414452 - 04/26/11 06:04 PM We split up because her feelings scare her
Hitman Offline
New Member

Registered: 04/26/11
Posts: 4
I have a bit of a pickle here.

I will try and keep this as short as possible.

I started dating a girl at the end of Feb of this year. She is an old work colleague. She left about a year ago but we kept in touch every now and then and in the new year arranged to meet up.

After a few dates we were getting close, going out, hanging out at each others houses. Anyways we both told each other that we like each other.

She was scared to get with me. She split with her ex in November who she had been with just under a year and he cheated on her twice. In fact every guy she has ever been with has treated her badly and cheated on her. Naturally she is going to have a fear of relationships.

Anyways she told me that she likes me a lot but doesn't think she could be a good girlfriend to me right now and she didn't want to mess me around. I said ok i understand but i still want to be your friend and she was cool with that.

For the next few days i didn't contact her and then she started texting and calling me. She asked me to meet up that weekend. I said as long as it as just friends and no confusion then yeah I am cool with that. She agreed.

We go out for dinner then go back to my house to watch a film. I was keeping it cool and friendly. Next thing i know we are talking, she is rubbing my arms and hugging up to me. We ended up kissing and we got together.

The next two weeks were great. We have always got on so naturally, make each laugh without having to try and always had fun. Anyways she kept bringing up her fears and insecurities every time we saw each other. She always said to me that when she is with me she knows she wants this but when she is by herself she keeps thinking and over analyzing and it that freaks her out. I done everything i could to understand and reassure her and told her that i have the same fears as i have been messed around in the past but I really like her and want to take that chance with her. She said the same back to me.

Well this Friday just gone she dropped the bombshell on me. She had fallen for me but it scared her so much she didn't feel she could go on with me. She wouldn't talk to me over the phone at this point as it was hurting her so much. I told her that i had fallen for her to and my feelings are strong for her. She said her feelings for me are very intense and that she doesn't know how to deal with that. She is scared i am going to be like every other guy she has ever been with and she is scared that she will hurt me due to her insecurities. Personally i think that is just a smoke screen. She is more afraid of me hurting her.

I told her i want her to be with me as it's been over 6 years since i had strong feelings for a girl and that i think she is the girl for me. Anyway i decided to back off and give her space even though that was hard.

The very next day she text me and called me very late at night. She had told me that she hadn't left her Flat all day because she couldn't stop thinking about me and it has been hurting her so much. I told her again how i feel about her and that i would do everything i can to make her feel better. I said i would still be here for her if she needed me as she has become very important to me in a very short space of time. After a looooong convo she said she felt a lot better after talking to me but i have given her a lot to think about. I said she can call me anytime she wants and i said to her to go out tomorrow with her friends and have some fun and take her mind of it. She said couldn't do that as this was bothering her so much.

So i decided to back off. I went out all that day with my friends and had a good time. Although all i could think about was her. I got home about 1am and she text me saying that she couldn't stop thinking about me and i hope you're ok. I sent the same to her.

Since then there has been no contact. Basically we have both fallen for each other but she is terrified i will hurt her. She said she doesn't want me being like her ex's. I am not like that at all I've never cheated and i never would. I've had it done to me and it's the worse feeling ever. I really feel for her and it's actually hurting me that indirectly i have caused some of that pain because her feelings for me hurt her.

Apart from this everything was great between us no other issues, we just go together so well.

I think she is the girl for me and she thinks i am the guy for her. We are both 27. She is so scared of her feelings that it is stopping her being with me.

I'm not what to do. At the moment i am backing off because that is all i can do. I've been with my fair share of women and I've never cared about any of them the way i care about this one. I really want to fight for this but the sad reality is that there isn't much i can do. She will either take that chance on me or she will run.

We both want to be together she is just scared to be.

Any suggestions?

Top

Add We split up because her feelings scare her to Twitter Add We split up because her feelings scare her to Facebook Add We split up because her feelings scare her to MySpace Add We split up because her feelings scare her to Del.icio.us Digg We split up because her feelings scare her Add We split up because her feelings scare her to Yahoo My Web Add We split up because her feelings scare her to Google Bookmarks Add We split up because her feelings scare her to Stumbleupon Add We split up because her feelings scare her to Reddit
#414528 - 04/27/11 05:27 PM Re: We split up because her feelings scare her [Re: Hitman]
Katie Garvey Offline
Friend

Registered: 01/21/11
Posts: 211
Loc: Woodbury, MN
I feel for her to...no girl deserve's to be cheated on...That's that...It sound's like she needs some help...Im not an expert but maybe she could see like a therapist about this?? If that's possible. She really needs to talk to somone other then her friend's at this point...Ik I feel better after talking to some of my best friend's about my issues and problem's. But somtime's talking to somone that will see the big picture and know's what's 100% best is probably the best thing for her. You sound like the good person that will treat her better then anyone could. Just know this though it's more then likley not you & and you treating her good or not. She has obvious anxiety. All you can do is incourage her to get some professional help(therapy) and support her all the way. Just let her know your here you wont leave & and will treat her good and show it to her two. Doing thing's with her is good two!(:I hope this helps! and i hope it works out between you two(: cuz you seem perfect and just what she need's in her life so goodluck!
_________________________
"A life without animal's would be a sad one"

Top

Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Twitter Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Facebook Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to MySpace Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Del.icio.us Digg Re: We split up because her feelings scare her Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Yahoo My Web Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Google Bookmarks Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Stumbleupon Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Reddit
#414562 - 04/27/11 09:13 PM Re: We split up because her feelings scare her [Re: Hitman]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Hello Hitman & welcome smile

I agree that it sounds as if this young lady needs a counselor or therapist. She is making herself unhappy ~ and you as well. She will never be happy until she can sort herself out ~ and she will not be able to make you, or anyone else, happy either.

Good luck smile
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

Top

Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Twitter Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Facebook Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to MySpace Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Del.icio.us Digg Re: We split up because her feelings scare her Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Yahoo My Web Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Google Bookmarks Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Stumbleupon Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Reddit
#414604 - 04/28/11 08:34 AM Re: We split up because her feelings scare her [Re: Hitman]
Hitman Offline
New Member

Registered: 04/26/11
Posts: 4
Thanks guys.

I was already thinking a long those lines anyways.

I decided to have it out with her last night. She is terrified of her feelings for me. She is a victim of her enviroment in that every guy she has ever been with has messed her up badly, she lives here in the U.K by herself while her family is in Greece and her friends are all over the place.

So to protect herself from getting hurt she closes herself down because she cant handle going through it again, She is scared I am going to hurt her, she is scared that she will hurt me because she is confused and freaks out about this kind of thing. She said to me it is torturing her. To want something and to not want it at the sametime because of her fear is hurting her badly.

She has lost faith in relationships and people and she thinks i am too good to be true. So there isn't anything i can do about that. Just not the right time for us i guess.

The more i think about it the more i think I'm not fully ready for a relationship either because my feelings have completely overwhelmed me and that never ever happens to me. I've still got issues i need to control which i thought i had control over.

So right now I don't think i can be with her regardless of how much i might want to and that is the same as she feels. Just too much fear about the whole thing. At the end of the convo she said that she needs and wants to see me over the weekend. Not sure what she wants to achieve from that but i guess i will find out and we have arranged to meet up. May be she needs to look me in the eye?

I just don't know. She is confused, i am confused. In a lot of ways i really wish she never told me how she felt because none of this would have happened but i guess she needed to do it for her own sake.

I have told her that I will still be here for her no matter what and over the phone i could tell she was fighting back the tears when i told her that. I have to show her that I am not like the other guys she has been with. I have to show her I'm not going to run away and abandon her like all of her ex's. As much as that might hurt me I don't want her to feel any pain so I will do what i can to help her.

I just think this whole thing is bad timing. May be with time we can be with each other but I can't see that happening right now.

I will keep you guys updated. In the mean time keep up with the advice it does help : )

Top

Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Twitter Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Facebook Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to MySpace Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Del.icio.us Digg Re: We split up because her feelings scare her Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Yahoo My Web Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Google Bookmarks Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Stumbleupon Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Reddit
#414647 - 04/28/11 08:35 PM Re: We split up because her feelings scare her [Re: Hitman]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Hi smile

The thing is, though, if this stressful situation continues, you may, indeed, decide to move away from the relationship.

You are already saying:
"The more i think about it the more i think I'm not fully ready for a relationship either because my feelings have completely overwhelmed me and that never ever happens to me. I've still got issues i need to control which i thought i had control over."

Maybe you should talk about the fact that the issues you both have might ruin what could be a lovely relationship ~ unless you both get help with this.

Perhaps you could go together for relationship counselling?
What do you think?
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

Top

Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Twitter Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Facebook Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to MySpace Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Del.icio.us Digg Re: We split up because her feelings scare her Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Yahoo My Web Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Google Bookmarks Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Stumbleupon Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Reddit
#414648 - 04/28/11 10:13 PM Re: We split up because her feelings scare her [Re: Hitman]
Toony Offline
Good Friend

Registered: 09/09/10
Posts: 345
Loc: not telling
Give her a hard handmade gift then she will recognize its made of real love
_________________________


I'll miss you guys

Top

Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Twitter Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Facebook Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to MySpace Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Del.icio.us Digg Re: We split up because her feelings scare her Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Yahoo My Web Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Google Bookmarks Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Stumbleupon Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Reddit
#414663 - 04/29/11 10:34 AM Re: We split up because her feelings scare her [Re: PDM]
Hitman Offline
New Member

Registered: 04/26/11
Posts: 4
Originally Posted By: PDM
Hi smile

The thing is, though, if this stressful situation continues, you may, indeed, decide to move away from the relationship.

You are already saying:
"The more i think about it the more i think I'm not fully ready for a relationship either because my feelings have completely overwhelmed me and that never ever happens to me. I've still got issues i need to control which i thought i had control over."

Maybe you should talk about the fact that the issues you both have might ruin what could be a lovely relationship ~ unless you both get help with this.

Perhaps you could go together for relationship counselling?
What do you think?


It's hard to judge this one.

I've done nothing but think about it all week and I have probably over analyzed it.

My issue with insecurity I largely control it. I have accepted that it will always be there. It's just a case of how well I control it. Normally I am on top of it. At the moment I'm not so much.

I am not sure if her anxieties are also affecting me. I think her anxieties have had an effect on me and making think and feel in a way that I normally wouldnt do.

I'm not sure if relationship consoling is for us as we have only been together a short time.

For me right now I am 95% certain this can't go anywhere right now because of her issues. Then I start i thinking am I too scared to support her as a boyfriend because I am thinking she is just going to freak out again and drop another bombshell on me. I don't know If I am willing to put myself on the line like that. Ironically I am asking her to put herself on the line and take a chance but she is so caught up in her fear of relationships that to her running away is the only option.

I am meant to be seeing her over the weekend upon her request so I will see how that plays out. However I think I have resigned myself to the fact that until she fixes herself she cannot have a successful relationship.

That is a very hard pill to swallow seeing how we feel about each other.

It just sucks!

Top

Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Twitter Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Facebook Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to MySpace Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Del.icio.us Digg Re: We split up because her feelings scare her Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Yahoo My Web Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Google Bookmarks Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Stumbleupon Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Reddit
#414668 - 04/29/11 12:51 PM Re: We split up because her feelings scare her [Re: Hitman]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Yes, Hitman, it is sad, but at least you are being realistic about the situation.

I hope that she can sort herself out; otherwise she will never find what she is looking for ~ and you will both lose out.

I wish you luck smile
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

Top

Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Twitter Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Facebook Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to MySpace Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Del.icio.us Digg Re: We split up because her feelings scare her Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Yahoo My Web Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Google Bookmarks Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Stumbleupon Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Reddit
#414735 - 04/30/11 02:09 PM Re: We split up because her feelings scare her [Re: Hitman]
Hitman Offline
New Member

Registered: 04/26/11
Posts: 4
Update.

So we are meeting up on Monday. She text me yesterday to arrange it.

I said to her lets just meet up and go do something fun rather than getting intense about everything. She agreed and she said lets not decided what we are going to do about us just yet. Not sure what she means by that but I would think she has been seriously weighing up all of her options.

I have to say I am not looking forward to this even though I want to see her. I am so far outside of my comfort zone. Normally with girls I just walk away and never see them again. This is a first for me. I'm even thinking of excuses tot not to go

I don't know what I am going to do or say. Half of me is saying do everything you can to get what you want, the other half is saying run away before you get hurt. I guess I know exactly how she feels right now and that we are both in exactly the same boat. Got feelings for each other but scared of those feelings

I am going to go there with an open mind, do my best to have fun and if the subject of us comes up then we'll talk about it.

I am not sure If i can do this as I feel so exposed and defenseless against my feelings which doesn't really happen to me.

Top

Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Twitter Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Facebook Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to MySpace Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Del.icio.us Digg Re: We split up because her feelings scare her Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Yahoo My Web Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Google Bookmarks Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Stumbleupon Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Reddit
#414791 - 05/01/11 06:57 PM Re: We split up because her feelings scare her [Re: Hitman]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Hi smile

I hope that it will go well ~ good luck! smile
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

Top

Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Twitter Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Facebook Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to MySpace Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Del.icio.us Digg Re: We split up because her feelings scare her Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Yahoo My Web Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Google Bookmarks Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Stumbleupon Add Re: We split up because her feelings scare her to Reddit


Moderator:  Lisa Shea 

Want to reply? Register as a Forum Member - it's quick, free and fun!
Latest Posts
Daily Meditation - 10pm EST
by Lisa Shea
04/08/14 05:56 PM
Walking for Fitness
by Lisa Shea
04/03/14 02:30 PM
Love is Patient, Love is Kind Origami Lotus
by Lisa Shea
04/03/14 09:53 AM
Learn Klingon from Rosetta Stone!
by Lisa Shea
04/01/14 11:18 AM
Forgiveness
by Lisa Shea
03/27/14 02:34 PM
Go a Day Without Complaining
by Lisa Shea
03/27/14 01:07 PM
Daily Yoga
by Lisa Shea
03/27/14 12:48 PM
Fountain to Relieve Stress
by Lisa Shea
03/23/14 07:33 PM
Forum Guidelines
This forum takes web safety issues very seriously. Please make sure you have read and understood our Forum Guidelines before posting.
Support Charity
Support Our Friends
The Animal Rescue Site

origami wedding favors