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#424748 12/19/12 05:49 AM
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jilly Offline OP
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POF (Plenty of Fish) is a free dating site that I recently joined. I finally finally feel like i might be up to dating again. So far I have gone on three dates and have a few more men I am emailing with. It seems like a good site.

Anyone every use it?

Before I got married, I used Match.com, but now you have to pay for it. Eharmony seems really involved, and I don't think it is free anymore either.

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Jilly -

That is wonderful news, congratulations for giving it a try! It sounds like a nice way to meet people.

About ten years ago I did a project for a dating site company, signing up for I think 8 different dating sites and comparing them with each other. It was a fun project, but I imagine everything has changed immensely since then.


Lisa Shea, Owner
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jilly Offline OP
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Thanks. It feels so odd to be dating again, ten years later. I have this weird 'time machine' feeling about it.

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Dear Jilly -

Life is cyclical, and you are starting a fresh new cycle! That is a lovely thing smile.


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jilly Offline OP
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I've met a handful of very nice guys already from POF, but one immediately wants to be my intense boyfriend. It's a bit odd. I don't know him; he doesn't know me. Why rush things?

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Jilly -

My psychology classes would say that's normal. A guy's imperative is to grab the girl and consummate. That is his prime directive.

A woman's imperative is to make sure it's the right guy. After all she's the one stuck for 2-3 years once mated with, and she wants a guy who will stick around through that toddler period.

So he's simply doing what evolution mandates smile. Your job is to be patient with him smile.


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jilly Offline OP
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I actually just managed to get out of this situation. It was not normal - i personally think it takes a while to feel close to someone.

He was demanding I have emotions for him after four dates and a few emails. He didn't want me camping overnight with my male friend. He told me I was neglectful for not texting him every day from Vegas with how much I missed him.

I could just see how he would take to my flying out to stay with Dan next month. wink

I don't need hassles like this.

Also, our life philosophies were hugely incompatible. I think what was nice for me was that I felt really 'wanted' by somebody...but that really isn't enough.

There are actually plenty of fish on the Plenty of Fish site. I have a bunch of nice, normal men I am communicating with who aren't asking more from me than I am capable of giving. smile

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jilly Offline OP
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It is definitely interesting to meet people this way, on many levels. I make my bios as honest as I can, so people who aren't looking for someone like me (intellectual, outdoorsy, odd and quirky) can just move right along. I don't want to waste mine, or anyone else's, time.

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Dear Jilly -

It's so true that all of us are meant for certain other people! And that's OK. There are formal people and loose people, sedentary people and active people. It's good for them to find each other and enjoy their lifestyles.


Lisa Shea, Owner
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I have to say that Plenty Of Fish is really a nice dating site. It's been surprisingly easy to use. I can recommend it, at least for women, from my experience.

One man I met on there has been dating on it for two years, looking for the right girl. That's a commitment. But he seems to not be tired of it, so that is good.

I still have new men emailing my profile, even though I'm traveling right now and unavailable. I think I should log in and make a statement that I'm not around for awhile. What do you think?

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