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#305656 06/28/08 05:10 AM
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Im in love with my girlfriend. I absolutely love her. Before me however she liked 2 of my bestfriends. She tells me she only loves me and, according to some of her close friends, she is in love with me too.

But heres the thing: Shes like bestfriends with one of my bestfriends that she used to like. And they talk a lot about his relationship a lot and where it's going and blah blah blah.

My bestfriend and his girlfriend are close to the edge of breaking up and I am afraid if they do that she will like him because after all she did like him before me (but according to her not anymore).

I guess it's a trust issue but i really need some advice on this and I am feeling a little bit of anger towards both of them and I like her a lot so I don't want to ruin the relationship by confronting her about this.

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I can understand why you fear talking to your girlfriend. You don't want to loose your temper and drive her into the arms of your friend. It is reasonable for everyone to be able to have friends both female and male. Your mind tells you that you don't want to tell her that she can't have him as a friend. Your heart tells you that you think it is a disaster waiting to happen. I believe you should go with your heart and express your concerns to her. Before you do, however, pick a person you respect and talk with him or them about your feelings. Pick someone objective that doesn't have a reason to side with either one of you. It will help to get an idea of just how to express yourself to her. It will help you get a little of the anger out of your system before you talk to her. It may help you reason with her better. The thing that makes this awkward is that her friend is a past lover and that is putting an undue strain on your relationship. If your relationship is more important to her, which it should be, then she should understand why you are concerned about her spending time with him. The key here, I think, is to approach the discussion with a cool head and expressing trust in her. If you make it clear that you love and trust her but feel it is asking for trouble from him, she will probably understand.There is no rule that says you must trust your friend with her.She can defend him all day long, but in the end, she cannot accuse you of not trusting her. I try not to say things that are sexist against men. Not all men are dishonorable. Your friend might be very honorable and never try anything because he values your friendship. My experience over the years has been the opposite. Numerous times, without cause I had close friends of my boyfriends or husbands try to betray their friendship by making passes. I did not encourage them or do anything to cause it. Rule of thumb, trust your best friend with your friendship, not with your girlfriend or your car.



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Thanks for the advice =)

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True Blue Soulmate
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It is a difficult situation, I can see that, but I also know that it is possible for girls to have male friends, with whom they have no intention of having anything but a friendly relationship with, but who may cause a boyfriend to feel concerned ~ and others who may cause him no concern at all.

I suppose it is, indeed, down to trust.
How far do you trust your mates?
Why do you feel as you do about them?
Have you good reason to be worried?
What about the girl?
How far do you trust her?

As Jo says, it may be a good idea to sort out your feelings by talking them out with someone you trust ~ but be careful, because talking about people, to other people, can also cause problems.

Sometimes it helps just to write things down.

Maybe you could write it all down for your girl, incorporating the things that you have told us:

Eg;

You say that you love only me and I absolutely love you.
Im in love with you and your friends tell me that you are in love with me too.
But I worry about losing you.
I know that you were once attracted to my best friend and now he is one of your best friends.
You talk to each other a lot.
I know that you discuss his relationship and I am scared that, if he and his girlfriend break up, you may be attracted to each other, because you are close to each other and you were attracted to him before.
I know that you say that you no longer like him in that way, but I am just afraid of losing you.
I guess it's a trust issue ~ and I don't want you to think that I don't trust you, which is why I don't want to sound confrontational, in case it ruins our relationship.
But I need you to know how I feel, because if I get jealous or angry, it's important that you know why ~ and understand that it is because I love you and I am scared of losing you.


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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