RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Dating Is there any chance of winning her back....?

I’ve just come out of a relationship of a few weeks and would love to get an outside perspective on things. I met a girl on a free dating site back in September. After many weeks of chatting online, we progressed to the phone and text. Then we agreed to a date. We didn’t live particularly close to each other so dates had to be carefully co-ordinated, so we could meet when I wasn’t working, or when she didn’t have her son (she has a 6 year old boy, who goes with his dad midweek and weekends). Everything was going great, we really connected, she said each time I was really funny, and that she had a brill time. Our first date was a full day packed full of stuff, we did everything from the cinema to dinner. We were more pushed for time on our second date (cinema), but still it went really well. The third date went even better, we hung at hers, and things got physical. We chatted about future dates and becoming ‘official’. Then a couple of days later I got the dreaded “I’m not ready for a relationship” speech. The reason she cited was that her life was really complicated at the moment, with her ex being difficult about when he could have her son. She also said “I think you are a fantastic person and I really do like you, I really do want to still be friends with you.” She’s 26, me 30. Her ex has married someone else (she ditched him for being too controlling). I don’t think she’s been in a serious relationship for over a year. Since her decision, we have just defaulted to texts every few days. The last few times it’s felt as if I have had to start the conversation. When we do text, the exchanges are fun, long and really friendly. So my question to you is, how should I play it? I’d love to date her again when she does feel ready, but I don’t want to come across as clingy or needy. Is there any sort of slim possibility that she might have a rethink about us, and if so, how do I put myself in the best position for that? I know the ‘done thing’ would be to move on and date other people but there is just something about this girl, and I thought things were progressing really nicely into something special – I haven’t had that much of a laugh - or connected in such a way - with someone in a VERY long time. Many thanks in advance for any advice! Mark

I'm guessing that she was taken by surprise at how well things were going so quickly and decided to put the brakes on ~ possibly because of her son. Tell her what you have told us: 'I’d love to date her again when she does feel ready' 'there is just something about this girl' 'I haven’t had that much of a laugh - or connected in such a way - with someone in a VERY long time.' Good luck!

Thanks for your reply.

The trouble is, I think coming out with that sort of stuff now will just say to her "wow, this guy must be really insecure and wussy if he is gonna hang around to see if I change my mind". Going on past experience, this often scares her away....

I wish there was a way for me to convey to her that I am open for dating in the future if/when she is ready, without actually giving her the lines mentioned above.

Also, if I am dating other girls I wouldn't want that to put her off from asking me out.

If I suggest going out as just friends, won't I run the risk of her seeing me as 'just a mate', or are the rules different because we started out dating? I know women like to 'pigeon-hole' guys On the other hand, if I don't arrange something with her in the future, I'm thinking things will just peter out and we'll communicate less and less over time, because we wouldn't cross paths otherwise. 'Out of sight, out of mind' ??

Maybe I need a male perspective....anyone?

Why can't you just say that you understand that she isn't ready for a relationship and you will respect that, even though you had a really great time when you were with her ~ and if she ever changes her mind, to give you a ring some time.

Show her that you are genuine, and that you would like to see her again if & when she's ready, but also that you aren't going to chase her and make her feel uncomfortable ~ or make her think that you are 'needy'.

Not to be too...hmmm...indelicate...but maybe the sex was bad? No offense, but sometimes that's a deal breaker...

Well, if she really considered sex to be more important than the person, then he's better off without her, in my opinion.

True, PDM, true.

Well thanks for the input guys. No, bad sex definitely wasn't the issue.

I sent her a valentine's day card (anonymously, but she guessed it was me). I told her that I was dating other girls but to give me a call if ever she changed her mind. Funnily enough we are talking (well, texting) a lot more since. I said I would love to take her out again sometime so that'll probably happen next month.

She is still very much in the not wanting a relationship mindset but at least now I know it was nothing personal. I know that she hasn't seen/isn't seeing anyone else. Anyway, I'm happy dating around and not getting exclusive with anyone just yet. I'll remain friendly with her, but not close friends, so she never sees me as relationship material again. I'm happy with the way things are at the moment, if she wants to get together great, if not, fine. I'd still like to see her every so often, she didn't object to that proposal

Glad it's been sorted out amicably.