okay, i am going to try to keep this as short as possible, but still give an idea of what i am going thru... one thing i ask is for you all to read all before replying. thnx. crazy
here goes:

i have been married now for 8 1/2 yrs. we have been thru a WHOLE LOT thru out the 11 yrs that we have been together. we had our daughter, who is now 6 yrs old, when we were married for 2 1/2 yrs. that was a MAJOR problem to my husband. he didn't want kids til WAY later. but i do not believe in abortions if it is not ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. so i had her. but he resents me for having her. he wasn't ready to have a child and still to this day he doesn't want to have the responsibilities. but he HAS to, so he does when he wants to.

anywayz, yrs have past since and i am currently looking for a job. it is very hard for me for some reason to land a position in Medical Billing. so the hubby is working his Navy job and another job at an auto repair shop. he works 6 days a week now. he says that he would rather be working and i take care of everything else. like taking our kid to school and picking her up. cleaning the house and making the meals. he doesn't know how to cook anyway. i also make sure the bills get paid. i tell him how much they are when they need to get paid and he gives me the money to pay them.
thru all of this, we somehow NEVER have time to go out as a couple. let alone ME TO HAVE ME TIME. i do all of the things mentioned above. and i stay home and care for our daughter 24/7 when she is not in school of course. can't forget that part, according to the hubby. i have suggested that WHEN we have money that we make time to go out together. well there is a problem. we don't have a babysitter most of the time. our family's live to far away. and the supposed friends that i have in military housing just suck. you don't know who you can and can't trust around here. so i leave them alone when it comes to watching our daughter.
anyway, most of the time we don't have any money after the bills get paid to even go anywhere. so we don't. the hubby figures on how much his stupid cigs will cost for the 2 weeks before the next paycheck and gas for us both. and of course he gives me money for food as well as the bills. but i have suggested places to go that we don't have to pay, like the beach, a park, etc. but we have to pay for gas, and if we get hungry we have to buy food. that is his come back. so i just haven't suggested anything for a while, maybe about 6 months or so now. and it just seems like when i want to do something myself it is a burden for him to watch OUR child. so there too, made me not want to ask to go have ME TIME either!!! so i don't. and yes i have talked to him about all of this and how i feel. but he says that it isn't his fault. that i should go out and meet people. i am not the type to go to LOOK for friends. so i don't do that either.

also, he was never into football till a few months ago. he is at a friends house now, watching the charger game. he told me last night that he would probably be going today. so i knew. but the thing that sux is.......... he has somewhere to go every weekend. he has friends that invite him places. he goes to parties. he has been to b-day parties for people i know too. but he doesn't invite me to go with him. so of course i have told him many times that i am upset about it. and of course he gets mad at me for making him feel guilty. i just tell myself ~ so what. i don't care. it isn't fair that he gets to go have fun and alone time and I CAN'T. it makes me feel so alone all the time.
and having depression for many yrs along with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) does not help any of it either. yes, i am getting help thru the VA for this. that is another reason i have pets, to DE-STRESS myself and not feel so lonely all the time.

i have sooo much going on in my life and in my own head that me not getting ME TIME is just so hard to deal with. and the fact that my marriage is just retarded. not having dates but 1-3 times a yr sux. i just don't know what to say to him anymore to get him to understand that the time i have alone with him means a lot to me along with the time i get alone by myself. he doesn't seem to care what i have to say about stuff like that. he says it's always my fault that this stuff doesn't happen. since i chose to have our child. i also don't have any friends to watch our child so we can go out. and it isn't his fault that we don't have any money and i don't have any for myself to go either.
it's just all xx mad

Last edited by PDM; 01/04/09 02:39 AM.


Bella