ok. my older brothers best friend and i have known eachother for over a decade. About three years ago was the last time i had seen him until recently. Three years ago when he was here he confessed his feelings for me to my older brother. My brother is very protective of me, and didnt want his friend near me. I had fallen hard for my brothers friend during that visit, and when he left to go home, i was heartsick, especially because i thought i was alone in how i felt about him, i hadnt any idea at the time that he had said that to my brother. i found out about a week after he left. i felt upset because my brother wasnt the one to tell me, but relieved that he liked me as well. Then this past weekend both he and my brother came up. when he climbed out of the car i actually started crying. i realized that it didnt matter how long it had been since i had seen him, i still loved him. Every single visit that he and my brother come down, they stay at the house. But this time they stayed at a hotel. When i asked my brother why they didnt stay here, he wouldnt give me a straight answer. I think it had something to do with his friend being asleep in my house with me there though i could be wrong. But the entire visit, i was only able to be alone with his friend once and for about 5 mins. My brother wouldnt let either one of us out of his site. I need this guy like i need air, especially now that the feelings are reinforced by being by him. But i dont think he knows it. i dont know what to do but it hurts every second that im not with him, or even able to hear his voice. i dont want to mess things up between my brother and him. DOes that mean that i go without the one i love, for him??
i suppose it does.
i dont know about this stuff.. but maybe your brother will see that you two are ok being together alone eventually and then things can go from there?... i mean he is your brothers friend.. shouldnt he trust him to be with you?
Was it you who was having the dreams?
Is it the same person?
Is your brother being protective because you are too young for a serious relationship?
Is your brother worried because he knows his friend (& you) well enough to know that he wouldn't be good for you?
Why don't you ask your brother about it?
Actually yes i was having the dreams but no its not the same person. Ive known this guy a lot longer. he should trust him to be with me, i think he just doesnt trust me. He could be, i think he might think im too young, but my mother says that it has nothing to do with his friend, that he is gonna keep me away from every guy he can. I dont ask my brother because whenever i bring it up, he changes the subject. This guy will be around for a while so when im a little older i can talk to him and not have to worry about my brother. Maybe your right maybe as time passes and he sees that we are able to be trusted enough to be alone, he will loosen up a little. But i could wait forever for this guy, so i suppose its not really an issue, except that its hard to be without him.
It may not be that he doesn't trust you with him, it's possible that he just feels very protective towards you and isn't ready for his 'little sister' to grow up yet. Maybe he still thinks of you as a child. Either that or he's a bit of a control freak.
If you have this boys address why not write to him and tell him how you feel? Don't go overboard with it, but just explain that you'd really like to see him and that you were unaware of his feelings for you when he moved a few years ago.
You don't mention your age here so it's a little difficult to say exactly what you should do. Perhaps your parents could help out here by asking your brother to ease off.
You could always ask the boy out to a movie or just a coffee somewhere public so that it's in a public area. What about dinner with your parents?
Dinner with your parents... i dont think that would be the best idea
Well i am seventeen, and this guy is a navy recruiter. He lives about 6 hours away, so i doubt he can come up anytime soon. But i am moving out in a couple of months and then i can get him to come see me or i can go see him. i think that he does still think his "little sister" isnt ready for this guy or any guy for that matter. My brother is the type of brother that you can only talk about the weather with. But when i am a little older he cant decide for me anymore, so its all good. And actually i dont have his address, but i do have his email. i thought about telling him in a email, but its so much clearer and easier in person. Dinner with parents? Thanks, but we have done that a million times, my parents already like him. he might be coming up again between now and June, in which case i wont let him leave without him knowing and us talking about it. Even if we have to talk about it in front of my brother! You know so many times i have had relationships slip away because i was too shy, its hard for me to say the right thing to guys in the first place let alone one who i want to be so careful about.
well..your seventeen .. i think you are old enough to decide for yourself and your brother should not interfere anymore. but thats just my opinion. =]
i agree. too bad i cannot convince my brother of that. But you know what as soon as i see the guy again(his name is brian) i will talk to him. I vote i just take the cowards way and kidnap him, and tell my brother i have no idea where he is. lol. though i dont think i would be smooth enough to get away with it. lol. i think though that i have the xxxxx(excuse) to do it the right way.
I went through something similar but it was my parents not my sibling that had an issue. They were (still are) convinced that my boyfriend of 6yrs isn't good enough for me. They say he's undermotivated and holding me back and blah blah blah. I fought to stay with him and eventually told them that he makes me happy and they should be happy for that. Try talking to your brother as well, if he is friends with this guy he should trust him enough not to hurt his little sister. I'm sure he's just looking out for you but he also has to learn that you need to make choices for yourself. Even if you make a mistake (not saying this is), you will learn and gain in life from it. Try telling him that too.
Is there a drastic age difference? My parents also had trouble with that, even though my boyfriend and i are only 3yrs appart.
sorry if this is confusing i'm not good at typing out my thoughts lol.
lol i totally agree with white pegasus
actually yes there is a drastic age difference but i never really thought that mattered much. my mom yesterday said that if my brother was going to that extent, which he never has before then brian must have said something to him that made him that cautious about us being together at anytime. im 17 and he is 26. im sure that is going to change your opinion quite a bit, it does most, but it doesnt matter to me, because i love him, but love does sometimes block out issues.
The age difference won't be so big when you are older, but I can understand your brother being concerned now ~ because 17 is still young. What is the age of majority where you live?
Your brother knows things about this boy that you don't ~ possibly about past behaviour with other girls for example.
Twenty-six-year-old men sometimes want something different from a relationship than do 17-year-old girls.
I'd be cautious if I were your Mum. Your brother may see a different side to him from the one you & your Mum see. It might be fine when you are older and wiser, but your brother may just think that you are not mature or experienced enough to deal with this man just yet.
try a three way honest chat. talk to your brother, ask why he has such an issue with this. also talk to his friend and see if your brother has given him a reason to stay away, or a reason your brother is so protective.
I've had a friend date someone double her age, the way i figure it is each to his/her own. as long as the Guy is respectful of your wishes age should matter to much. (although i think double your age is a little gross personally. like dating your own father *shudders*).
It'll all work out right in the end. sometime you just have to sit back and see where the path of life leads.
I would be concerned too if I were your older brother.
17 and 26 is a big difference.
Relationships move alot more quickly at age 26 and I just don't see the need for it at age 17. Also, he lives 6 hours away, and long distance relationships are very difficult and often not based in the same reality as living in the same town.
There are so many experiences you need to go through in life - Have you even graduated high school yet? .. That I don't really know how a 26 year old could fully relate to a 17 year old -
These are all my gut concerns - if I were your big brother.
That being said I knew a 19 year old navy guy who fell in love with a 13 year old girl - they had no steady "relationship" but stayed in touch over the years, and by the time the young girl was in her mid twenties they got married - I think she was 25 and he was 31, which is quite reasonable. The age thing melts away as you get older. that was over 10 years ago and they now have 3 kids ... so it's all possible... but it is against the odds. Anyways, if it is meant to work out, then you guys can stay in touch and see how it plays out...
But I don't blame your brother ... just being honest :-)
jeeze! so much advice at once. ok pdm, my mom thinks that my brother knows something about Brian that i dont know as well. great advice. i will be cautious. White Pegasus-where the path of life leads...ill do what i can and then sit back and wait. great! Victor- maybe my brother does have reason to be concerned but when i am older i will be able to decide for myself, the older i get the easier it will be. And just F.Y.I, you havent actually met me and if you did you wouldnt think i was 17. i am very intelligent and mature for my age. thank you all for your advice. what do you each individually think about the idea of me telling Brian straight up my feelings on the situation.
I think that you need to acknowledge that, no matter how mature or intelligent you may be, or may feel that you are, you are still a teenager and he is still a man. The age gap isn't huge, but the experience gap may be. Be wary.
Should you tell him your feelings? I don't know. Maybe. Then see how he reacts. Would he be willing to wait until you are old enough for an adult relationship? Would he respect your comparative youth?
It's difficult to advise, when you don't know the people involved.
Good luck.
thank you, of course everything everyone has said is right. im backing off on it and just letting life take its course. if it happpens it happens.
Tell your brother about your fellings, tell him that he is not helping you, rather hurting you. Tell him and he may change his feelings.