Hey guys. It's me. Sorry I've quite for a while. been trying to my life in order, and working a lot. Any way, I've started to like a girl my church and well, it sometimes hard to talk to her, because of all her friends talking to her. I don't mind when her friends do talk to her, it's just to keep a conversation up with they are around.

Another issue is she's like 3 or 4 years younger than me. I don't know if this a real issue or not. Maybe if she 6-7 years younger, that might present a problem.

Another issue is, one or two friends, I don't think they like me that much.

She is a really cute girl. I have all the things for the "The Asking Out" procedure. But I'm holding them off until I think I'm ready for her. I got bronwie points when i went to her sweet 16 b-day party, deck out in purple dress shirt, dresspaints and dress shoes. IT was a semi formal party.

What do yall think?

Does she know that you like her in that way?
Has she indicated that she likes you back?

No she doesn't know i like her like that yet, Unless my stupid idiot brain, didn't catch all that I am doing and I flirted with her. We're cool friends, although I only get to see her like 3 times a week and she has school. but anyway we're cool. I'm not for sure what the signs are if a girl likes a guy, atleast not the basic ones. I mean if a girl just runs at you and yells "I want you!", ok either they gone nuts or the really do like you. LOL.

Ok this is weird. just yesterday in children church. She was there. I'm in there because I set it up early so everything will be ready for the kids. Well this sunday, she was in there, cause apparently she's helping out. She kept smiling at me, every time we caught eyes. Could this mean something? I think so. As smart as I am with these situations, I can't seem to get my own situations in order.

Certainly, it might mean that she likes you, if she smiles.

However, it may simply mean that she is a friendly girl, who appreciated your help.

It's difficult to say at this stage, but if you are friendly and polite, you will find out.

How do you think that her parents and yours would feel about you dating her ~ since she is only 16?

Well since her mom is Russian, and more on the serious side it might be kind of difficult. Epically since I'm gonna turn 20 in just a couple more months. her parents like me and stuff, for her sweet i6 b-day party she wanted it to semi-formal. Well i knew what she meant but just to me I went all out dressed up. dress pants, purple dress shirt, yadda yadda. Now she was wearing a dress, as well her some of her friends. That's was a good time. Anyway, i guess I could talk to her about it, but the problem she thinks i like one of her friends. Sheeesh, I had to lead her off my trail. So I wonder is she wants me. So now I'm confused with her and the fact she might like me. Ok my head hurts.

From your active involvement in a church I would assume you are a Christian, have you prayed about this? I know before I met and married my husband, I tried to first take it to God. It sounds cliche but it is important. Then if it seems like you are getting the go ahead, talk to her about it. Also, be aware of what others think too, because if godly people in your life are telling you its a bad idea then it probably is, and sometimes we can be too close to the situation to see it. If you do go through with this realize that you will have to hold yourself to a very high standard, dating someone younger.

Do you think that they have any idea that you have fallen for their daughter?

I've prayed about a lot of things epically this. The signs as of right now, aren't as clear as I would want them to be, but something tells me to go to her. I want god to lead to my one love, but this is really weird to me, to be dating someone is who is 4 years younger than me.



Oh yea, i totally agree on that. Girls in my youth group can be quiet....uhhh how to put this. Like there be a guy that be good looking to their eye, but they know he's a bad guy, so they try to avoid him at all costs. then there are the girls in youth group that are picky with which guys they want.



I don't think they have any idea fallen for their daughter. I try not to lead people on to things unless i want them to. Now then i make a mistake somewhere while trying not to lead them on, and they spread the word or whatever. It's actually quite how I have to protect secrets that should not be revealed yet.

Anyway I do wonder though, how her parents would take a 20 year old dating their 16 year old daughter. maybe I should it off, I'm not in a hurry to get into a relationship. besides, I'm getting a lot more things done being single. So yea, I think I could wait. But now what if someone found out. I might be in a bad position for this. One, because her parents don't know yet, two, dopes she like me, for who I am, or is she picky with her choosing. Anyway, only time will tell right now. but what to do is someone did found out?

Well, you cannot help who you find attractive.
That's life.
It's how you respond to those feelings that is 'the thing'.

Yea attractiveness is a big thing, I think, in every one. I wonder if that is the reason there is so much pressure on girls these days. It's like the stupid part of society has messed up young girls minds in to thinking they have to be a certain way just to be part of the world. It's really weird these days. Everyone has their own preference.

'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder'.

true true. Now I'm seeing her tonight. IS there anything i can do, or say that kind of give her an idea that i like her, without letting her know i actually do. cause she thinks i like someone else, if i haven't mentioned that. Wow I'm freaked out.

You could try a gentle, subtle compliment, perhaps.

Eg:
'You look really nice this evening'.
'I like the way you help out with the childrens' group'.

yea i could, but that might lead others on. and there's only like one other person that knows i like this one girl. I geuss it's worth a shot. Though I never said that through mouth before, to a girl i really liked. it's crazy right now. I rather not think about it right now. cause I'm going for my drivers license tomorrow. plus some other stuff sooo, it's a tad crazy. though give me a day, when i wasn't crazy. lol

Good luck with your driving test!

Well my driving was an epic failure. I think I'm going to tomorrow to try again. As for the girl, she's got sick last night, so she didn't go to school today, so we got to talk a little bit. she's doing fine now, so maybe she'll go to school tomorrow.

Sorry about the driving test ~ take it as a learning experience!

Oh am. After i was done, I took the route again, not the test, just the route he had me take. I figured how to fix some of my mistakes my made. So when i go back in this friday, i should pass.

But this topic aint bout my driver's test. I starting to really like this girl I've been talking about and I've taking up a new look to see if I can't impress her. Plus i"m seeing a dermatologist soon. 19 and still with acne, not really attractive. Oh well, got 2 going to the christian youth hang out. Talk to yall later.

I just read this whole thread. As a mother of a teenage daughter, when she was 16 I would have freaked if she wanted to date an (almost) 20 y.o. I think that if you get the feeling the attraction is mutual, you should get her parents approval before you start to date. Just the fact that you go to them for their approval could work in your favor. Also, if they are going to get upset and forbid the relationship, you both would not have put yourselves too deeply into a relationship. Does that make sense? I ramble sometimes.

Yea I actually do this for my first gf I was 18, and she 16. Point being, I was an almost adult and she was still a kid. Anyway, i don't think my parents would mind, but there's that slight chance they'll keep tabs on me like every 5 seconds. I mean, if i can't take her out, we can have dates at our own houses. That's what I did, when me and my ex-gf did when we were dating. I'm still up to it too. One, I know the food is good, cause i cook it, Two, there's really no cost towards me, well that's sometimes true.
I'll buy the groceries if I wanna do something really special.

You might be right, the feeling I have is probably mutual. It makes sense to get parental consent before getting into the relationship. but i only know right now, is that i like her. She talked to me tonight at the hangout. It was cool, and we even hugged. well, one arm around each other, maybe i was using both, I don't know. It was good, I didn't notice, lol. Then I went to Now I'm good, and 'm going to see her tomorrow at church. I need the sleep. good night yall.

Ok. Here's something cool. There's another guy trying to get to her. I hate this, it makes me feel like I'm in a battle for a her, which i hate thinking like that because women aren't trophies. And just yesterday I lost my job and i failed my drivers test again. Plus, my dad tried to get a tag for my car and insurance for some odd reason, and we figure out that the guy i bought it from, signed the vehicle ownership thingy wrong. So now i have to hunt this guy down, to get him to sign some forms, which i don't know how long that's going to take. SO me getting her as a girl friend, has just pushed down the priority list. Which i can't putting off or someone else will get to her, then they might break her heart, and I won't have a chance. My life has just keeps going down the drain. Grrrrr.

Although, losing my job at McDonald's was the best thing that ever happened to me since my first gf. lol.

I'm sure that you will still see her.

But I agree with Caribbean mom, that parents will be concerned if their young daughters date an older boyfriend.

I agree with her too. but i like their daughter, that's the thing. Another thing, about me I'm a metal screamer. Sure I have a pretty singing voice which more often, but i can scream, growl, and other sorts of stuff. I had to stop doing that while dating my first gf, because that was causing some issues with us. I may have to stop again just for this one. I have no problem, unless I'm listening to Demon Hunter or something like that. but i think i can control it. There's certain things you have to do before you actually begin the screaming session. Anyway, i have some stuff ready to ask her out, but I'm holding those off until I'm ready. She has chorus concert tonight, so I bet she'll be tired after that. So I'll wait a little longer. I just hope the flowers will be ready.

OK. looks like i got some competition. how can I get her to like me without treating her like a trophy?

My son's into that, too, but he keeps it for gigs, etc, not for general conversation.

And you can't really 'get her to like you' ~ in that way.
She either does / will, or she doesn't / won't.

I know i can't really get her to like me that way. I'm working my magic, by not letting the guys at church pick on her. Also saying nice things about her, plus i threw away her trash tonight st a dinner at the church. I was going to give her a free bowling game pass, but i had to leave to go see my sister in the hospital. Anyway, i got college tomorrow. Talk to yall later.

Well competition is always a thing to consider. You have really two options here.

1) Play it safe. Talk to her, chat her up, act more like a friend to her. Laugh, smile, say nice things.

2) Take the risk. Ask her for her number, when she gives it, ask her when would be a good time to call. If you have her number, ask her if she's free one day, and ask her if she would want to go somewhere, maybe to a movie.

I know you're considering a lot of things for instance how she's a bit younger than you. A good thing to consider.

Remember this, you can quote me on this.

Good things come to those that wait, but better things come to those that fight.

You could ask her if she would like to go to the cinema, or for something to eat, when you see her next.

Since she is yopunger, it might be good to go as a group of friends???

SDG - Sweet! Thx! I'll remember that when it comes time.

PDM - I guess i could start it out out as a group thing. Then i guess I could make me and her, after so long.

I'm still wondering how her parents will take it. How will my parents take it.

Perhaps you should ask your parents how they feel about it, if their approval is important to you.

I'm guessing that the approval of the girl's parents would be important.

Well parents can have a huge impact, especially since the girl in question is a bit younger than yourself.

Its an honest concern. If I had a teenage daughter, I wouldn't want her to date anyone up to a year older, but honestly, it does happen a lot.

I am not a parent, so I don't know how parenting works, I'd be worthless to try and explain anything with that.

From your parents standpoint, do you think they would take your dating a younger girl badly? If so, why?

Well lets see. My parents. Negotiable, cool(somewhat), doesn't seem to like my music that much. I think my dad knows I like this girl cause he saw my background and it had a picture of her on it. So I'm guessing he has a hunch and he's waiting on me to say something, which is always scary.

Mom, might approve, but may limit the dates at houses only for a while. Actually my dad may do that too. So I'm trying to the best I can to be the man i can be towards girls like her. Cause a lot of the other guys at my church can just be little immature. Like last night one of them rubbed their beard in one girls face. She didn't seem to like that too much. So I just gave her a hug.

Anyway It is a good idea to get her parents permission first, I don't know how's it's going to work out, but I'll notify yall when and how it went down.

I wonder though, how this would affect my life. My wallet. I'm still out of the job. trying to get a job at Best Buy. I'm determined to get that job though. Anyway, I'll talk to her parents maybe in a week, or this Sunday. I dunno, I'll figure it out soon enough.

Just tell them straight up. Tell them you like this girl, but that she's a little younger than you. See what they say. I doubt they'll try to halt your attempts, though they may want to speak about the whys and hows.

Oh, and I wouldn't call rubbing a beard on a girl's face immature. In fact, a lot of girls like attention like that. I do that a lot when I have stubble. To be completely honest, all people just like to have fun, some may see it as immature, but in reality, it all plays into attraction. Now if she doesn't like it that's another thing.

Teasing, playing tricks, misleading information, and especially physical contact are all things people do with each other, not at ALL are they immature. Now if the girl doesn't LIKE these things that's something completely different. But it all comes down to attracting behavior and pretty much being yourself. If you're not the type that likes to tease girls, play tricks, give her a hard time (in a playful way) or anything like that then that's not a part of your persona, and that's fine. All I'm saying is, if you see behavior like this with girls and guys, they may be more into each other than you think.

As for getting her parents permission, if that's what you would like to do, then yes go ahead. Its noble and straight-forward. However, it doesn't guarantee a yes, nor does it guarantee that you'll be liked by them, and maybe not even by the girl either. I would suggest that you speak to her first, at least to find out if she would even be willing to consider going anywhere with you at all. You get what I mean?

To give an example:

- You wanna buy a car.

- You find one you really like.

- Instead of spending time with the car (aka; test driving) you decide to speak to the retailer.

- The retailer says sure, buy it.

- When you finally buy it, you find out the car is messed up.

My point is, you may get the permission from the parents, you may not. However, if the girl isn't even interested in going out with you, it would be wasted time. I would suggest that you find out where you stand with her FIRST, before you find out where you stand with her parents.

Good idea. I don't see her until Sunday. So i guess I got time to get my words straight. About the car example. That was a bad example to use on me. i just bought a car full knowing of some problem in it(nothing i couldn't fix though), but there were problem with it. Still it was a good example and you are right. I guess I can get her alone for a bit and maybe, just maybe, i can pull myself together and talk to her about it. And yes i would like to get her parents permission. I think it would be wise to do so, just because they know I have interest in their daughter. I just hope they can take it well. I really hope they do, then again, I wouldn't want to waste her time and break her heart. Though, I'm not that kind of guy. Anyway, i need to plan asking her out. I'll post my plan here sometime soon.

It rained. Now my flowers bushes can grow some flowers now. YEA!! Just another part to my plan.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kmkp2Cap6K8

What do yall think if i sent this song to her.
It's called "She is Beautiful" by Children of Bodom.
originally done by Andrew W.K.

OK guys. Sorry I've been out for awhile working on trying find work. Anyway, I made my first move to getting that girl. It's a small move, but i think it helps the situation. She has older brother who is a prince, like he never has to work at a real job so he does volunteer work at the church like I do in the children church. Well i tell him that I liked his little sister. He seemed to be a bit of a shock, but then again, he seemed happy that his little sister has an admirer(that is not a secret. well at least to him). Anyway, He said,"I dunno what to say." and we both kind of chuckled about it. He said he wouldn't tell her or anyone else until I was ready to tell her. So i guess he's cool with it. Now that just leaves the parents. Speaking of leaves, everyone enjoying their fall?

Hope things go well.

Autumn leaves are beautiful.

OK. last night at the church, we were having our thanksgiving dinner. So last night everyone who signed up to bring a dish, brought a dish. The food was awesome to put it a way so cool. Anyway, after i was done, i decided to work on my computer for alittle bit while everyone was still finishing up. While this was happening i found a orange strip of paper. ON one side i wrote I like "girls name". and on the other side i wrote TO:"Girls mother's name". Now i wasn't planning on giving this to her, but while i was helping cleaning up, someone found it and gave it to her. I didn't realize this until i saw her with it. Now she's keeping a close on a few of guys, including me. What if she finds out it is me? I'm not ready for her to find out that it is me. Atleast not yet. i mean, i might what it takes, but I wanna get rid of this belly, or what my sister would call it,"beer belly". I don't drink beer, but apaerntly it looks that way. SO now i'm having amp up my work out sessions. maybe I'll lose 10 lbs before Dec.12.

If you really didn't want her to see it, how come you left it where she could find it?

I don't even know if she was the one who found it. Someone else found it when they went to where i was. Do they know that it was me, i hope not. Then again, if they did, then she knows that it was me and i wouldn't have to worry about shareing my feelings about her. I was too busy carrying tables and other stuff. It didn't have my name on it so I'm guess she's trying to fiqure out who it is. I'm such a idiot. I juts hope this turns out the way I planned. but if it doesn't, I just hope it doesn't kill me on the inside.

I'm not saying that she found it, herself, just that you left it where she could have found it, and where someone else did find it, and then passed it on.
Same difference.

either way. She found out like you said. I don't see her until like this coming up sunday and I'm scared. Seriously I am. i feel the sameway when i asked my first girlfriend. So scared, yet excited.

Correction to that last post. Apparently since my church anit having any type of service tommorow due to thanksgiving, my youth pastor has decided to invite the youth to his place for a pre-thanksgiving dinner. Well I think she is going to be there. I am more scared now than I was yesterday. I feel like i should have a flower or something of that matter. Even though she doesn't know it's me, she might have a clue thats it me. I don't wanna mess things up, even though i probably already did, I don't know right now. Between this, my car, my little weight problem and this reenactment thing im in with some of my buddies, I don't think I have anything left in me to take this on, but I'm going anyway. One, I want to see if thinks(or knows) it's me. Two, I'm just not going to back down, it's not me.

Let us know how it goes

OK. Instead of going to my youth pastor's house, my youth pastor decides to go to a restraunt called "Crackel Barrel." Anyway when i get to the meeting point, which was my church, i was asked to help move one of the bus seats back into the bus. Why it out, probably for extra seating in the youth room. Well i didn't really get a chance to talk to her about it. I'm messaging her now about it.

Hey guys. I got good news, and I got bad news.

bad news, she doesn't want to go out with me. she doesn't have any feelings for me as she says. Which is cool, cause were friends.

good news. she loves me as a friend/brother. So you know. She may not want to go out with me, but were still cool friends. So even though the outcome wasn't I wanted to be , it still wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. Anyway. Happy thanksgiving. Count your blessings, and be thankful for all that you have that's dear to your own heart.

True friends are worth their weight in gold.

You're right PDM (as always )

As for you Huntley, you did your best, but you didn't lose anything. You've gained a good friend, besides, you never know... she may just introduce you to the girl you'll marry.

That's an interesting thought

Thx guys. that might be true on a standpoint that may happen. who know's the world is full of possibilities.

hey guys. just an update. me and this girl are really cool friends as of right now. As far as I know, we may never go out, but we still got each other. she bought me a birthday present, don't know what it is yet, but i guess i will soon find out.

Great!
We all need good friends.
Have a happy birthday!

Hey guys.....and gals. Hope every one is doing well. Cause I'm going nuts. This girl is just driving me crazy. My heart feels like it's about to explode. Plus my weight has been a bit off. but I don't know whats going on. but something is telling me to go after her. IO don't want to do that yet. One I anit got a job right now. 2 - I don't think she has feelings for me yet.

Maybe you should just concentrate on being friends.

That's what I've been doing for the past few months. lol.. I haven't brought it up again...unless i did something that making her think that im pushing it, but I'm really trying my best.

That's good

Hey guys. Thought I mihgt fill yall in on this. Just a few days ago, I messaged her mom about me liking her daughter, and well this is what i got back,



So i know she doesn't want me dating her. the only problem is will I ever be able to or should I try to find another. Though, only problem is, i don't think I'll be able to find a girl just like her. She's cute, funny, small(fun size is you wanna put it that way), and she has a heart for Christ that I just draws me to her. I mean it just everything about her that throws for a loop. My reply to her is just below.

Not sure that will go down too well.

Well I haven't gotten a reply back. i mean. I really like this girl. There's just not a chance my heart will turn away from her. Though I know she doesn't have any feelings for me now. We she ever....I want to pray that she will, but i don't want to be the one that has to sit and watch my life go down. As of right now it's looking up a little bit. Just yesterday, I went to a job interview at Home Depot! I think i did well, so maybe i'll get called back for another interview with the store manager.

Maybe if i get the job, i can concentrate on getting her. Slowly but surely, i will try to allow her to see what I feel for her, and then maybe she'll feel the same.

Maybe you should take note of her parents' feelings ~ that she is too young for you ~ especially as she, herself, says that she doesn't have any feelings for you.

I know she doesn't, and I did take note of how her parents feel. AS of right now I'm just trying to be a good friend. She just talk to the people that's she feel more comfortable with. Which leaves me feeling alone. I hate this feeling, i felt it everytime I go to the Warehouse and Youth Group. I do all the work while everyone is having a ball. I really hate this, This is what almost drove me to commit suicide.

Hello Lee,

Falling in love; unrequited love; being loved by someone who doesn't appeal; etc, etc, etc, ~ they are all part of growing and maturing.

Yes, it can cause great elation and happiness, or great upset and sadness, but, if you are feeling, or ever do feel, suicidal, then that is a completely different matter.

Suicidal feelings and depression can be triggered by upsetting events, but they, in themselves, are symptoms of illness, and they require medical attention.

If you feel this way, then you should talk to someone who can help you. Schools, churches and medical centres often have ~ or have access to ~ counsellors and psychologists. There are even free help lines that you can phone.

Everyone goes through rough times. There are other people on here ~ young and older ~ who have had either personal or family experience of such difficulties and also experience of professional help. Help and support are available, if you feel really down. Do not forget that. There is usually light at the end of any tunnel

In this case, it would really be better for you to stop dwelling on this girl and to find other interests. You can't help how you feel about her, but you can throw yourself into other activities ~ activities which do not include watching her or day-dreaming about her. They are not doing you any good.

Why are you doing all the work, while others are having fun?
I am guessing that this is because you are choosing this path.
Find another path.
Join a club, where fellow members share your hobbies, for example.

Can you talk to your parents about this? ~ A problem shared is a problem halved.

If not, find a counsellor to talk to; one you can trust.
I think that it might help.

One day, you will find your Miss Right and you will be her Mr Right. It will happen, so try not to worry ~ and start enjoying your youth.

I have actually gotten help the first time i felt this way. I was like...14, found someone on myspace. He pulled me out of it.



Yea tried that once. besides no one at my church shares the same interest I do. 3D animating, C++ programming and Computer Repair is not just something you wanna jump into, unless you were like me.
[/quote]



Sometimes i wonder. If i already had her. and now i lost her. and i have been enjoying my youth. I just think differently from other people. I feel like my father. I guess that's what happens when you fallow someone's footsteps.

You don't have to keep your social life just to church ~ there are others who like the same sorts of things you do.

Is there a counsellor you can talk to?

I know there are other outlets than church. but I feel that's where I am needed right now. As for counselor's to talk to, besides my pastor(who has a degree in counseling), who else is there to talk to.

If you are in school, college? Why not talk to a counseller there? They might be able to help you more because they deal with teenagers all the time. Im sorry to hear that you feel like this.

Yea. I goto college at night so most of counselors have like, left already. I could tlak to my buds about it in college, but we gotta concentrate on our work.

Depression and associated problems should not ~ must not ~ be ignored.

May I suggest that you make an appointment to see a college counsellor and go in one day for that, if it is possible?

As stated above, they are more used to young people's problems.

Talking to friends is very good for you ~ but friends are rarely trained counsellors.

Why do you go to college at night? Do you go to evening classes?

Maybe your pastor could help, if he is trained.
Would you feel comfortable talking to him?

Why do you feel that church is where you are needed right now?
Church is fine, but it's not wise to restrict all your life experiences to church events.

Take care of yourself!
Good luck

Well I will say, the thought of suicide hasn't crossed my mind since that one time. I have other fun things that can get my mind off of her. Which helps me through life. Like cooking, writing code and some other things. Yea my friends in college are 10y.o or more older than me. So they are either married or been through it too. Soo they are really cool to talk to about these things. but we have more fun doing other things like messing up our lab computers to the point of no return. lol.

Ofcourse i feel comfortable talking to my pastor, and yes he is trained. He's certified.

I feel like I am needed at my church, cause that's where god is pointing me. I work in children s' church(I'm the fun guy. DJ you can put it), IT tech, sound person.



Church is all I have right now.

Just take care

Uh oh. I got in contact with first love through facebook. and well.....let's just say i thought i was over her, but apparently I'm not. I mean my heart just shattered when i saw her face. I mean i haven't seen her in like a while(almost a year maybe). I'm so confused. I mean i want her back, but she's in another state than me.

Oh dear!

I think, though, that this is not uncommon. One's first real love is always going to be an important part of one's life.

Try to find some interests to take up your attention, so that your thoughts are not so involved with girls Difficult, I know

I know it aint uncommon. It's just, i don't get to speak to her for almost a year and then I find she's on face book. i try to talk to her there, but all I've been getting back are one line posts. It's weird. maybe she's busy doing something else, which is not uncommon for her, but during that year, it killed me inside not being to talk to her.

She probably doesn't want to give you the wrong impression.

She is being polite, but not encouraging you to think that you will get back together.

It is good for you ~ to be able to interact with her like this; no ties, just occasionally saying a polite hello.

Do try to find things to do, to take your mind off unattainable girls. You are good with computer graphics, etc. Get more involved with that ~ with friends who are equally interested.

If you just get on with your life, then you are more likely to find your Miss Right.

Well I'm trying to move on again. And apparently I'm moving pretty well. What can beat listening to the Chipmunks while doing wood work and 3D desgin. lol.

Good for you