The Ex and Letting Go

Posted by: ABC123

The Ex and Letting Go - 03/24/12 02:40 PM

Hi,

I began a relationship with a man who was divorced for several years. His ex found out he is dating again as they have remained friends. They have no children Everything was going well until she found out about this and now she would like to reconcile. We live almost 2 hours apart and he is struggling with some health issues. Over a month ago I encouraged him to make sure he was no longer in love with his ex before beginning a relationship. The reason for this is I could sense he was struggling with something. He is very vulnerable right now and really seems to have lost his zest for life. His ex never really had a zest for life and I am thinking she is taking advantage of his emotional state. Long story short, he is giving this another try, we remain in touch and yet he seems as though he is falling into almost a depression. I know I have done the right thing as he needs to come to terms with his life. I truly want him to be happy in his life, he is a good man. On the other hand I feel sorry for myself and also confused as he seems more depressed than ever. Shouldnt reconciling with an ex spouse be a happy thing??? I continue to be supportive of him and this is not for selfish reasons. He is a truly good man and it makes me so sad to see that since his ex has wanted to reconcile he is falling into a deeper depression. Regardless of the outcome I will remain his friend. I guess my question is this - is it normal for him to be this depressed while trying to reconcile? Any advice is appreciated.

Thank you,

Posted by: PDM

Re: The Ex and Letting Go - 03/24/12 06:38 PM

Hi & welcome:)

You seem to be a very caring and patient person and I am sorry that you are going through this. It must be very difficult.

It does seem strange that he ex should want a reconciliation after a number of years and this must be confusing for your man friend.

He has made his own decision and chosen his own path. However, I think that counselling might help him with this.

One thing, though ~ have you considered that he might be upset because you may appear to be unconcerned that your relationship with him may be over? Maybe he feels that you should not be quite so supportive of him trying for a reconciliation with another woman?? Maybe he hoped that you would tell him that she is his past and that you are his future; not just his friend??

What do you think?
Posted by: ABC123

Re: The Ex and Letting Go - 03/24/12 08:35 PM

Thank you for your response. Yes, he did mention he feels very conflicted with all of this. Because I want him to be happy in his life, comfortable with his decisions I did not even attempt to dissuade him from his decision. He sent me an email yesterday saying he is ├Čn a holding pattern, very difficult to remain positive``. I sent him a very positive response. I just want what is best for him but at the same time it is difficult watching someone you care so deeply for seeming to sink into a further depression. Now what should I say to him?
Posted by: PDM

Re: The Ex and Letting Go - 03/28/12 08:12 PM

Hi smile

Do you love him?
Really, truly, madly, deeply?
Do you want him?
Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him?
Are you only willing to let him be with someone else because you love him so much that you consider his happiness to be more important than your own?

If so, then tell him all of that.

He needs to know.
Otherwise he may think that you do not care much whether he stays with you or goes back to his ex.

Of course, only he can make the final decision, but he needs to be in possession of all of the facts.

How would you feel, if it were the other way around, and he just said to go to another man, if that is what you wanted to do?

Good luck smile
Posted by: Dave40

Re: The Ex and Letting Go - 06/07/12 07:50 PM

[PDM: Post about casting spells deleted.]