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Love doesn't sit there like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all of the time, made new. --Ursula K. LeGuin

My Crush has a GF Plus My BF Too

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
My crush and my best friend have been really good friends since they were little. So please don't say they like each other as an answer, because they don't. By the way my friends name is K and my crushes name is J. Also J has a girlfriend and he has seem kind of distant lateley. For example we usually text ALL THE TIME but lately I have had to text him first and we have not been texting as much. And by the way J knows i like him, he has known for a while. At first he said he didn't care but the next day he told someone that he kind of likes me too.

So I was texting J and he was going over to K's house. So later I get a text that says that K is mad at me. So she tries to make me guess what I did. I can't think of anything because I didn't do anything! But then she says that she has to go. And I asked if she just had to go or if her and J had to go, she said both of them did and she said bye. So I said bye, and I thought the conversation wad over.

But she texts me and bad day to u. So I ask who said that and J said both of us did.

I feel like they are both being mean to me, what should I do?

RomanceClass.com Advice
First, clearly your crush and your friend DO like each other, they are really good friends! You are trying to draw distinctions between people who like each other platonically and people who want to kiss each other. But real life doesn't work like that. People who like being together sometimes want to kiss each other, and then sometimes they don't want to kiss each other. There isn't a giant concrete wall between these things. They feel an attraction. They like being with each other. And maybe sometimes they get an urge to kiss each other. It's important to realize these kinds of urges are there and that they can appear and disappear over time.

Plus, he has a girlfriend. So he already has one girl he wants to spend time with. Then he has K who he wants to spend time with. And while this is all going on, he isn't wanting to spend time with you. He's actively being hostile to you.

I know this is hard, but you need to be able to take a step back and think about what is is that is drawing you to him. He already has two women in his life that he's putting above you. He is being cruel to you. And still you want to be with him. Wouldn't you want to be with someone who adored you? Life is not magic - men do not instantly turn from cruel to loving and respectful. We cannot make men instantly be the way we want them to be. We cannot "fix" cruel guys. Instead, we have to find men who ARE respectful and loving and then be by their side.

It's a hard lesson of life - but it's an important one. If a guy is cruel, and if he's a player, then that's not someone you can "fix". You need to think about being open to a guy who is respectful to women. Our site is full of stories of women who learned that lesson the hard way.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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