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A Love Quote
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul. -- Judy Garland



Tales of the Ex @ RomanceClass -
i shouldn't have believed in

WARNING-LONNNG STORY!

he was the most incredible, sweet, caring, understanding and gorgeous boy i had ever met. mind you, i am only 14, but i really thought there was something there.
i met him when i went to the fair with one of my friends, who absolutely hated him. (because he refused to date her) when i saw him he came up to me, not her, but me, smiled and said hello, and my friend was absolutely infuriated. she grabbed my arm, told him to go away, we don't want you here, and pulled me away. i was totally confused because i didn't know what had just happened. she told me sternly that if i said a word to him or hung out with him that she would kill herself. (she's a total drama queen) she added that he's been with heaps of girls, no relationship lasting more than 4 months; he would make a move on me and he would try to get me to like him and i'd better not fall for it or we wouldn't be friends anymore. i listened skeptically and eventually told her i wouldn't talk to him.
later that day, i noticed that my friend wasn't paying any attention to me. she would leave me places, tell me "stay here" and run off with some guy, catch up with friends i've never met and reminisce and talk for a long time while i stayed behind, (she's more of a popular, i-know-everybody girl while i'm more of a quiet unnoticed girl) and so on. i became resentful and decided to go against what she said and hang out with the boy, who was lingering shyly and kept glancing and smiling warmly at me.
we talked for a while, and my friend didn't even notice i was gone. we had a lot in common. we listened to the same music, did the same things, had the same ideas, and we were both laughing and having a great time. he was very charming and clever, and also very touchy. i could tell that my friend was probably right; he did get a lot of girls. but i liked the attention he was giving me, partly because i enjoyed rebelling against my friend who was mistreating me and partly because i was attracted to the boy. he agreed that the group of friends i went to the fair with were leaving me out and he asked if i wanted to spend the day with him instead of them, so i did, and it was the best day of my life. i could tell he liked me a little, and i liked him, too, something i was definitely not used to.
well, my friend eventually noticed, and when she found walking with our arms around each other she harshly told the boy off and called me a lot of horrible names. i felt absolutely terrible. the boy stood up for me and told me that they were leaving me out and stuff, anyway, a fight started between us two and my group of "friends" and after we were helplessly screamed at for half an hour, he hugged me and told me he had to go, then walked away. i was devastated. my friend constantly reminded me how horrible of a person i was for hanging out with him.
after i went home and thought it over for a long while, and after my friend convincing me that "see, you fell for it! i can't believe you! this is exactly what i told you he'd do and you didn't listen to me! now you're in love with him and you don't even realize that NONE OF THIS IS REAL! he's manipulating you! you're such an ignorant little...(ect ect ect)" i sadly came to the realization that it was wonderful, but it was more of a one night stand and i would probably never speak to him or see him again. i was mad at myself for going with him.
however, the next day he texted me. i don't know how he got my number, apparently he went through hell to get it. but he gave me his MSN and we had a conversation about the previous night, he told me that he hadn't ever felt this way with someone and he wanted me to be his girlfriend. i happily agreed. my friend disapproved extremely, (jealousy) and every single person i met who knew him told me to break it off with him before i got hurt. that he was a total jerk and nobody liked him because he was such a disrespectful lying douche bag. that i deserved much better and i needed to break up with him ASAP.
this only made me want to be with him more.
him and i had a real connection. my parents met him and liked him, and i was completely shocked at the fact that anyone would hate him. i loved him so much. we had such wonderful heartfelt conversations. he would hold my face in his hand and look into my eyes and tell me how he was so deeply in love with me and i was the only one who truly understood him. who didn't judge him just because he looked like a bad kid. (skater boy style) he told me he was planning on spending the rest of his life with me. that he was in love with me and always would be. he showed me parts of him that he never showed anyone else (emotionally) and i did the same. we had an amazing connection and everything clicked. we went everywhere together, did everything together. we were best friends. i poured my whole heart into him. i was in love with him.
we dated for 8 months. the longest relationship i or him had ever had. both he and i had proved everyone wrong. we WERE meant to be together. he DIDN'T hurt me. and he never would.
my family accepted him into the family and his accepted me into theirs. i met pretty much his whole family. i hung out at his place a lot and vice versa.
i lost my virginity to him and we had sex almost regularly. at one point we thought i was pregnant, and it only brought our relationship closer.
however, during our relationship, i noticed that a lot of the times being with him made me feel horrible. like i wasn't good enough. ugly, awkward, clumsy me dating gorgeous, witty, popular, chickmagnet him? how was it possible? and when i saw how he flirted with all my friends and the girls i didn't know, it hurt even more. i was constantly crying and throwing things at the mirror every night. putting on heaps of makeup only to see that there was no hope for me and washing it all off, or jumping in my bed and crying it away. comparing myself to models and his best friend's girlfriend, and the girls who went to his school. another thing, we didn't go to the same school. it was easy for girls to fall for him. his friends were constant cheaters. could he possibly be cheating on me, too?
never. he wouldn't do that. i found myself getting mad at myself for ever doubting him in the slightest. he gave me his word that he would never cheat on me or anything like it after i discussed it with him that i was paranoid of being hurt because of previous relationships. of COURSE he would never cheat on me. besides, how could he hide something like that from me? his sister would tell me if she saw anything suspicious. and he told me pretty much everything. no, he wasn't cheating on me.
in the fourth or fifth month of our relationship, i accidentally, YES ACCIDENTALLY, came across his chat logs while emptying out his old laptop. he was talking extremely dirty to one of his ex girlfriends. he kept mentioning "but what if (my name) isn't here?" he was asking if she could get on webcam, talking about having sex with her, and he was talking about going up north to see her and getting drunk with her. (he LOVED getting drunk, even though i disapproved of it.) i was torn, i cryed like a baby, and i called him saying that we needed to talk. throughout the whole conversation, HE was mad at ME for going through his chat logs. i told him it was an accident, and it most certainly was an accident. he was quiet. and he never said sorry or brought it up ever again, even though i was broken inside. i pushed it to the back of my mind and tried to act like it never happened. like it was just a one time thing and it wouldn't happen again.
well, lo and behold, the 8th month of our relationship, he got really drunk one day and lashed out on me over myspace for seriously no reason while visiting his mom. i was devastated, again. we got in a huge fight and i eventually said "please, for me, please stop drinking. you're hurting me and everyone around you and most of all yourself. you really need to stop. please." he responded with dumping me. rather harshly.
not to mention, it was my 14th birthday.
he never talked to me again.
never called me.
never messaged me.
never even so much as acknowledged my existence ever again.
he had completely shattered my heart. my feelings. everything we were, our entire relationship, was gone. none of it mattered. he just left. just like that. he didn't want anything to do with me.
i tried to kill myself.
i hated myself so much. how could i be so stupid? i shouldn't have fueled the fire.and now he was gone. i lost him. it was all over. all for nothing.
i ended up going to a mental hospital. i needed him so much. i needed him to hold me and tell me everything was gonna be okay. to say he loved me. to say he was sorry. to save me.
but he never did.
i cryed every single night.
a week after my birthday, i got a call from a girl i had never met.
she told me that she had been sleeping with my boyfriend while we were together. more than once.
she said she was sorry and she felt bad and to please understand that she loves him, more than i ever could, and they had something special because she was the girl he lost his virginity to.
at this, i went completely insane. how could he? how could he do this to me? i believed in him. i believed he had a good heart. i trusted him with my everything. why did he have to have MY virginity when he was already getting some on the side? he took a part of me that i would never get back and he doesn't even know how much that affected me. what also got to my head is that the girl was so pretty. blonde hair and blue eyes. a perfect angel. if i was pretty, would he not have done this to me..?
he never loved me. he lied. he drained me of everything i had, broke my heart, and didn't say sorry.
finally, i got fed up with it. i texted him randomly, saying that i know he lied to me and i know he never loved me. that i love him no matter what, as i promised before. that i have to go to a mental hospital. that i'm sorry for not being good enough. that i just wish i could have seen it before.
instead of texting me back, he had his sister text me. saying how i don't need to sent her brother any of this just because i'm being a whiny bitch about a lousy breakup.
once again i was torn. we used to be very good friends.
none of his family ever found out that he cheated.
none of his friends.
only his dad's friend, who i miss very much. we never talk anymore except for the heart-to-heart conversation we had about the affair he had with the other girl.

he doesn't care about me or know how much i need him to please say sorry.
he completely left me to clean up the mess he made.
it's now over 2 months later and he still hasn't talked to me since.
all he wants is his reputation so he can get with other girls.
that's all he cares about.
i thought he really loved me.
i suppose i deserved this.
i had to have deserved it.
i must have done something wrong along the way.
till this day, i hate myself for losing him.
i STILL miss him.
am i pathetic?...






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