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She Broke Up with Me
Its actually quite amazing how things went. And that just goes to show, how matter-of-factly life can chew you up and spit out the cud. I awoke a blissfully happy man, ready to meet this wonderful woman for a quiet lunch and a nice movie. Least knowing that the emotional vampires of life had decided to intervene.
The otherwise sterile atmosphere that greets one at most of these semi-nice Asian resteraunts had been beautifully salvaged by the presence of this angelic woman. Serene and comfortable in her temporary solitude. Totally oblivious of the impact she had on the atmosphere around her.
As I walked in, I was intoxicated with the realization that that woman and I were together. I thought,"Some up there is smiling at me". Least did I know then, that smile was a smirk!
Let me tell you how it feels when you're around her: Imagine you're standing on the top of a mountain, overlooking a beautiful valley, a shy, lazy sun quietly awakens in the horizon, and nature starts its song. You close your eyes and breathe in..and feel the wonder of being alive.....those are the excact sentiments that avalanche through me in every waking moment I spend with her.
Lunch turns into a perfunctory practice and we walk to my office. I needed to run this test over the weekend. On the way, she remains a little aloof and I suspect nothing, since I am accustomed to our silent conversations. We were here at this desk. When I asked her what was wrong. She said she didnt know and frowned. Oh God! , the "I dont know and the Frown", I know my reverie was broken. I was going to be kicked back into LIFE. So, I cut to the chase, "Are we breaking up?"..Silence..and I get my answer. "I love having you in my life, I love hanging out with you, and Spending time with you...but I dont think I'm emotionally available to be anybody's girl friend"......
- okay the same lines, the second time...but this time around I'm hearing-" Look you fucking loser, I can f- with your heart again and again. You love me more than I love you, you're f- weak!" I realized that my love for this woman, as unconditional as it is, will never be appreciated. But love isnt like a switch that you just turn off somewhere inside you and its gone. Wha did I do????........... dealt. Friend eh! Fine!
We went to the movies. "Starsky and Hutch"..on the way she asks me do you still wanna go to the movies?? I mean why not, if we were going to be friends, I was going to have to deal with her being there in a non-romantic capacity..RIGHT!! So lets start training now! Why waste time dwell in the banalities. The movie was great. Most "Hillarious Flick" I've seen in years.
I put her in a cab......................
She drove off! I turned around, it was a full-moon-night. I stared at the Sky, at the moon, and a sigh escaped. The damn Moon was on my f- head!!!! It was pushing me to the floor and my knees betrayed me. My kees buckled and my feet gave away. Tears long and unkown flooded my exterior. And this vortex in my gut, sucked my heart in. I looked up for a second..I was kneeling in the middle of the weekend rush-hour but who cares!
"I would never kiss her again!" My legs found their own sense of direction. My brain was in no state to navigate.
I found myself outside a church. I wanted to get in and ask the "Big Man" what the deal was. The "Church Bouncer", it was a huge black dude, in the church office, asked me to come back during regular hours. What the f-!! God works from 9-5 too!!!!!
There lies the irony of my love. I hurt!
As thus with thee in prayer in my sore need... Lift me as a wave, a leaf, a cloud! I fall upon the thorns of life! I bleed!
(We dated for 2 months, It just happened..neither of us saw the other coming..we just clicked.I thought! She broke up with me twice.)
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