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Thank you God, I hope you are taking care of her
It's been almost five years now...five years since the girl of my life died. The only girl I have ever loved, the only girl that has ever made me feel the way she made me feel. I'm writing this as closure, because I just can't forget, but I need to move on, even if it means forgetting the best thing that has ever happened to me.
It started in the third grade, I was a little boy who knew so little about the world. I hardly remember, I just remember seeing this girl in my class, and I thought, "wow, she is so pretty." But as a little boy, I didn't talk to her because of cooties and germs and all that. She went to my school, and I always remember looking at her in class. Valentine's day came, and I remember the teacher was taking pictures, and she told me and the girl to stand together. She took the picture, and that's all I remember of that year.
The next year, she moved. I don't remember how I felt, but the year after that, she entered my tutoring school. But I still didn't talk to her, still a little boy. I remember feeling happy. That year, I was looking through the family photo albums, and I saw the picture from Valentine's day. I was hugging her! I thought, "how come I don't remember that?" From then on, I said "I like her." I really did, I always tried to look at her in tutoring, but I was too shy. Well, she left the tutoring school as well, and I felt crushed. Even though I was still so small, I felt like my heart was a brick.
Well, I entered high school, and the year passed like a blur. But the second year, that girl entered as a transfer student. That girl, the girl of my dreams, I couldn't believe it. I was more mature then, and I had had a few girlfriends, but none of them really connected with me.
So as I passed her in the hallways, I alaways smiled at her, and she always blushed and looked down right away. She looked amazing with her long black her and eyes like pearls. I remember always trying to get her attention, doing all these little things for her, like trying to get buff, and giving her little love notes. She always blushed when she saw me, she was so sweet, so cute. One day, I walked up to her and said "you know, I've known you like my whole life.." And from then on, we became close like no other. We were the best friends, we hung out everyday. She had a rough life, with divorced parents, and sometimes she just wanted to cry, and I always gave her a shoulder to cry on. It was the best four years of my life.
You know that feeling when you are at the beach at sunset, and you can feel it? You can feel how good your life actually is. You feel like your life actually has meaning now. You feel like you are at the top of a mountain, or in the middle of a field of sunflowers. Well, that's how I felt whenever I was with the girl. I always loved to see her, and I always called her out to hang out. One day, we were at my house, I remember it like it was yesterday. We were sitting on the couch, watching tv, when the power went out. So we talked for a few hours, just talking about everything. We had such a good time, I never laughed so hard. Then I decided to tell her. I said "you know, I think I like you." And she said "I like you too. Alot." And I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. After an awkward silence, she leaned over and kissed me on the lips, and we just kept kissing. It was one of the best days of my life. I felt so happy.
The days went on like this for four years. We started dating, and boy, I never felt so alive! We had so many good memories, going to the beach, going to Disneyland, going on walks in the park. I remember celebrating when I got my license by taking her on a drive that went for like four hours. I said "I'm going to take you wherever you want." So we went across the state, and her parents were calling, but she turned off the phone. We sat in the car, listening to music, making out. I was so happy. We looked at each other, and tears were in her eyes. That's when I knew. That's when I knew that this was the girl I was going to marry.
Well, we ended up going to different colleges, and even though it felt like a piece of me was missing, we promised we would see eachother every two months. It continued like this for 16 months, and we were never closer, even though we were so far from eachother. Well the next time we were supposed to meet, I waited for 3 hours, and she never showed up. I was heartbroken. I thought she forgot about me, she got another boyfriend or something. I called her cellphone, but it was off. For the next few weeks, I kept calling her, but her phone was always off. I cried because I knew I loved her.
I decided to drop by her dorm, and that's when I found out that she got into a car accident. She died the week before we were supposed to meet. Why did this happen to me? She was my everything, my heart. I never felt so bad in my life. I never told her I loved her, but I never loved anyone so much in my life.
It's been five years, and I still can't forget. I keep thinking, why did she leave me. I can't stay in relationships now, and I am really distant from my friends. I just want her back, I want the life I had, the life we shared. Last week, I visited my parents, and I found the picture of us when we were little, hugging. I dropped to my knees, and I cried until my eyes hurt. But, I think I'm okay now. I know she is in a better place. I just wanted to thank God that I knew her. Thank you God, I hope you are taking care of her.
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