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no one will ever compare to you in my eyes.
Life is what you make it.
This is something that I haven't quite been able to get a grasp on. Ever since I was a child, I have had and continue to have a yearning for love. A love greater than any other. Well, what do you do when you find that love and it seems to look right through you? You begin to lose faith. You find the worst in every situation. You become dead inside. You constantly beat yourself up, asking questions like, "was I not good looking enough", "should I have shown how much I really cared/care". Ultimately, you fade away, to nothing more than a mere lifeless soul. I've never NEEDED anyone in my life, I've always found ways to get by on my own. I do however, have the ability to be in a room full of people, a room filled with friends and family and feel completely alone. I sometimes feel guilty for having these feelings, its not exactly something I feel good about. When you are around, I don't feel that way, I feel good about myself and feel even better about life. No one I have ever came into contact with has made me feel this way and I'm afraid that no one will. So, where do I go from here? I've been used, hurt, taken for granted and then tossed aside, by someone who apparently "loved" me. Well, now that I'm over all of that, I'm finding it hard to see the good in life again. I find myself constantly beating myself up, nothing I ever do is good enough and it doesn't matter how hard I try, everything seems to go down the drain. The past week especially has been hard on me, seeing as I was the one to push you away this time. I have this empty feeling inside of me that just wont seem to go away. The mere thought of you brings tears to my eyes and a pain in my chest that almost brings me to my knees. I think I can forget about you, but only for so long. I've been down this road before and I'm not sure where its going to take me this time around. I'm almost scared to get into another relationship, the past relationship that I was in had caused me A LOT of pain. I've always been able to learn from situations like that. As much as I loved her, I never felt for her the things I felt and continue to feel for you. This leads me to believe that you are the one for me, there are no others. Now, I must deal with the fact that I am alone on this one. I am truely sorry for acting out of spite. I have never had 1 single regret in my life and now, I have probably what will be the biggest regret hanging over my head for years to come. Just know that I truely love you, no one will ever compare to you in my eyes. My heart belongs to you, till the end of time.
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