Saying Sorry @ RomanceClass -|
I love you K, peace be with you.
Once again i find myself thinking about you, what we had, what i did to blow it over and over again. I keep repeating the same patterns, i can't blame it on you anymore. It is i, who keeps backtracking,and you're no where around. I miss you so much, i can't even tell her the truth, that all the evil i placed, was really my self loathing hatred, not you. i am ashamed,honestly ashamed of how i treated you all those years, and your kids, who loved me so much. Everything i did, just so i wouldn't have to face further punishment, all the lies, and all the times you looked like the fool, just to keep me safe, i kept making you out to be such a nasty person, in reality, you have the biggest heart of any women i have ever known. You made me grow up, but without you by my side, i am tracking backwards again. I need to tell you i understand why you had to distance yourself from me, because i would have only caused more damage to you, i was only thinking of myself and how i looked to others. i know it was wrong, how i treated you, and made you look so horible. I am sorry how i walked out of that bar that last time i saw you, even though i know you probably could have used hearing this all in person, and that was my last chance to redeem myself, i said she'll have me thrown in jail, reality is i know you wouldn't have. I am sorry for how my friends perceive you as a heartless person, because i caused that. i wish i could just stop all the talk and the damage i have caused you and your heart. i wish i could just scream on the top of my lungs everytime someone mentions your name in a bad way, to just leave her alone and forget about her, just to not say her name in a heartless way, she loved me, she cared for me and she gave up her own sanity to keep me safe. that she bent over backwards and forwards for me, she took the truth and lived with the lies, she sucked it up and let me have my life as i wanted it to be seen. I want everyone to know i cared for you, i loved you and that i am truly sorry to all my friends i have lied to. She was good to me, she loved me like no other, and i just kept abusing that love. I abused a friendship, one that stayed with me even when i was locked up, not for hurting her like i did, but for VOP. I never had that sort of compassion from anyone, where they give up everything, just so i could move forward and try to change. K, thank you for all that you have done for me, i hope one day i can tell you just how much i appreciate it, without fearing that my friends and family will just dawg me for feeling how i really feel. to all my friends, please realize i am to blame, you all seen me treat her like a bag of garbage, seen me lying and abusing everything i had with her, some of you even helped me to be unfaithful to her. Let it all go, i hurt her so badly, physically and emotionally i know i must have drained her over and over. And the only safety net i had, was a false one. A lie, she never deserved any of this, she still does not, please just let me live with my thoughts of how she truly was, the good person she was, who never deserved everything, or even anything i put her through. I love you K, peace be with you.
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