as a jealous woman, i think i can help you out, Will. First of all, congratulations for being a newly wed, and welcome to the forum!
Now, jealousy in women stems from insecurity. Part of it is insecurity, and part of it is protectiveness. It actually ends up creating a vicious cycle that I won't go into here because it' not that important for my point to get across. But basically, all of those things that seem so trivial to you are certainly not trivial to her. Now, granted, they may actually be trivial, but you have to remember that because of whatever insecurity your wife has, any little bit of attention that you give to another woman seems huge to her. Now, I am definitely not saying that your wife is crazy. She's not making things up, right? So on the other hand, I would check whatever behavior you're doing that's upsetting her. You're her husband, so you have to accommodate her in lots of ways, including emotionally--I guess that's part of what makes marriage so hard. But maybe you can try doing little things for her--find a way to make her feel pretty, make her feel appreciated...women need to feel like they're special to the man that they love. And also, all of the arguing that this situation has inspired is probably not helping the situation and/or her confidence, especially since you're newly weds, and almost all newly weds start off saying to themselves "it's not supposed to be this hard" Well, Will, it is. So don't worry--you love your wife, otherwise you wouldn't have bothered to ask for advice, so you two will pull through. And, also, it's not so much about her not trusting you per say (unless you've done something that would make her lose some of her trust in you, in which case you're just going to have to earn it back), but it's more that she doesn't trust other women (yes, it's the cliche). And at the same time that she's not taking in to account the fact that you have a mind of your own when she thinks like this, you have to also remember that it's because he loves you, and she's ultimately afraid of losing you. So try to look at things that way. And as for the other part of your complaint--how she won't let you question her: I can relate to that one too :P. It's like this (and it isn't fair): when she questions you, it's for the reason I described above, but when you question her, she feels like it's because you don't trust her or her love for you. So, when you question her, it feels insulting. I know this isn't fair &/or doesn't make any sense, but I think that's how she's thinking. And she's not doing it on purpose--most of this is probably subconscious. But this shouldn't turn into a competition of who questions who more. And you shouldn't just be questioning her because she's questioning you--it doesn't solve anything. of course, if you're questioning her because you actually don't trust her, that's another issue. But never play the you-hit-me-so-i'll-hit-you game, because it's a slippery slope. Just try to SHOW (it means more) her that you love her, and don't make yourself untrustworthy. You want to be an understanding husband, right? So try, as hard as I know it is, to put yourself in her shoes. And, most importantly, give her time. Let her see that her worries are unfounded, and eventually, they'll go away. Good luck to you, and again, congratulations on being newly married.
