Yes, sometimes all you need is for an objective observer to reflect back what you already klnow.
I'm glad it has helped and I wish you well.
'I'm trying to handle my own problems on my own time, and not make her feel so needy. If we manage to fix everything I would be so so so happy, but i cant let it destroy my life if we dont
Well done! Being positive is great.
'I have mentioned also to her that I was going to persue some other persons interest and when i said that she cried so bad. I wasnt expecting that type of reaction at all from her. I was more expecting a feeling of releif thatshe would be happy i was going to seek my needyness from elswhere. This point i could use some feedback on.'
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'I just need to know how to approach why shes sad about me moving on if thats what i want to end up doing. this has been all her choices up till last weekend.. now i have a deliema if i stop talking to my person of intrest shouldnt she do the same?'
This girl has invested a lot in you ~ time, energy, emotions ~ to the extent that it would appear that she couldn't cope with it any longer, and had to unload onto someone else.
Now you have told her that you are going to be more positive and less needy ~ and she is seeing you again and having less to do with her cyber friend.
She was probably thinking along the lines of Joanboys' advice:
'Separateing problem solving from the relationship and shifting it to the counceling changes that. We breathe new life into the whole process. by seeking counceling hope is automatically introduced. Progress towards a solution is being made.
'We are not hiding the problems from our loved ones but the burden of problem solving is removed from the relationship. The relationship returns to being a source for feeling grounded and centered and ok with the world.'
In other words, by shifting the responsibility for dealing with your needs, from her shoulders, this would enable the relationship to become a real romantic partnernship again.
However, after all she has done, and after you telling her that things are changing, instead of the expected opportunity to bring love and romance back into your relationship, you are saying that you are going to find someone new!!??
Is that fair?
She only texts this person because she needs to share her burden. Did you know that counsellors have to 'unload' after sessions? ~ and they are trained and not emotionally involved.
This girl is not trained, but she is emotionally involved. She needed someone to talk to.
Can you see now why you upset her?
Try to see things from her viewpoint and to be more understanding of her needs and feelings.
