theres this girl from church i know, she was 15, me 16, around one year ago, i told her i liked her, via an email. the next sunday she told some people and the people told other people and then all my friends knew. to my surprise, one sunday, in front of everyone, one of my friends questioned me on this. out of shock and shyness, i said no. before this, though, on that sunday she seemed more friendlier than usual. after this, i didnt know what to do. i kind of ignored/avoided her. a week later i decided to stop doing that. there was this lunch one day, i was sitting near her, i decided to tap her foot. i hope it was the right thing to do. she didnt do anything, but half a minute later she looks under the table. at this point i was still shy about my feelings, and i sent another email. she said she only wanted to be friends. this was the closest point since developing feelings for her to having that become my goal. but then for some reason, she just kept staring at me, i tried to let my feelings die down, but they couldnt. i was absolutely ready to. then came a youth group retreat. theres this game that our fellowship plays, everyone sits in a circle. for some reason i found she almost always sat directly across from me. she is a shy person. at this point, my attitude was just to let things progress as they did. but during these games, whenever i looked at her, she was almost always looking at me with a blank expression. now, throughout all of this, she never directly said a word to me. also, whenever i tried to talk to her, she just gave one, two word answers, quietly. from then until this summer, i would always find my eyes looking into hers, blankly.
going back 3 months from now, at around march, its pretty ridiculous. my friend developed feelings for her too, not knowing or forgetting of my own. i think they became close for a while. but still through all of this, there were moments when we looked into each others eyes for a while, without saying any words. coming back to this summer, we recently had a retreat. we had the above mentioned game, and like last time, she sat pretty much across from me. everytime i looked at her she looked like she was thinking about something, unless she was talking to her friend. but most of the time she looked like she was thinking about something. then i swear that she just stared at me for a minute or so. now, after this retreat, i think she started to be near me much more. i would have taken this opportunity to talk to her, about my feelings. however by now she was about to go on a mission trip somewhere. not wanting to distract her from her work, i decided to wait till she got back. i could have went on the trip too, but i decided i wasnt ready for that kind of work. she came back, and i was extremely prepared to talk to her. but by now she was talking to another of my friends, and i decided to not do anything about it, and wait it out, thinking that they just shared some intimate experience together. but they looked a lot closer than she and my other friend did, back a couple of months ago. the difference is, is that now they are together 95% of the time. i asked my friend if they got together, he said no.
my questions are:
what does she want?
is she trying to make me jealous?
what should i do?
soon our church is going to have a vbs, and we're in a group together. so that means we'll be near each other for pretty much two weeks.
also, theres this other girl. i met her in march at a conference, and i grew pretty close to her. now in the summer, im participating in a sports league and shes on my team. now, i think i like this girl too. i cant say i love her, though. i can feel the emotion if i picture myself kissing the above girl, but not this one. also, ive shown myself, in front of the girl from my own church, being close to this girl, especially very recently. but still, i've been getting a lot of eye contact with the above girl. to combat confusion, girl introduced in this paragraph will be (other) girl, and girl from my church (above) girl.
thanks for reading.
