Well I will do my best to give you an accurate synopsis of my situation.
I am 29. I was in a 6 year relationship prior to meeting my current (well not now) fiancé. This relationship was not a good one. She was very controlling and very abusive in the verbal sense. We would have terrible verbal battles always ending in making up and then continuing the cycle. Well I met my current gf ( now 25 ) while still with this other girl. She made me so happy and I was so miserable. I ended the relationship and moved on to be with this woman. We soon got an apt together.
At first everything was blissful and happy. We would make love 5 times a day and have so much fun together. We were very romantic and loving towards one another. About 6 months into the relationship the old traits form my previous relationship came back. My temper would flare and I would lash out verbally. (As this is somewhat what I had become accustomed too) At first it hurt her horribly. After a while she began to fight back. Once again I was in a verbally abusive relationship. This time I was the instigator.
She became pregnant the first year we were together and gave birth to my beautiful angel of a daughter. I did propose before my daughter was born but we never got married. At first I was in shock and didn’t know what to do. I was having a hard time adjusting to becoming a father. I did not support my gf in the way in which I should have. I regret this and I wish I could take it back.
Well I finally adjusted and became a wonderful father. This little girl is the reason my heart beats. She is my reason for living.
I will fast forward to October 06. The argue/make up pattern has gone on up until this point. In October it appeared that she had enough. She started to sleep in the living room and distance herself from me. She would go out with friends. Well one day I saw a mans name on her cell phone and asked her who this was. She said he was just a friend. I had a bad gut felling about this. She continued to go out and stay out for longer durations. There were a few nights she didn’t come home. She says she was with friends and to this day I am still not sure. I would ask her to be honest with me and tell me what was going on, she said nothing was and I was being paranoid. Soon she began to find reasons to go out and be out for a little but. She would hide her phone and would get angry if I went close to it. I knew something was up. I begged and cried and pleaded for her to be honest and work this out with me. She would not budge.
New year 07 _ I awoke to an empty bed around 3:00 am and called her. She answered and told me she was ready to be honest. She told me that she had been seeing this guy and was confused. She told me that she had kissed him 3 times while drunk and that’s it. Well this destroyed me beyond belief. She said she was not coming home. My world was shattered. The whole time she had distanced herself from me I had done a lot of reflecting on my behaviors and the things I did wrong. This pretty much got me in shape to be the man she wanted me to be. Now it was all gone. We had 6 hour conversation filled with tears and gut wrenching pain. We finally hung up and I was lost. I was scared and disoriented. I was throwing up uncontrollably, I felt like my life was over. I had the woman I wanted to marry and had a beautiful baby girl that I have always wanted and it was all wrecked.
About an hour later she came walking in crying. She was very upset. She said that she had made a mistake and that with me is where she belongs. She brought flowers to my work and gave me a wonderful card. Inside the card it said: please find forgiveness in your heart and realize that I am truly in love with you. I want your kiss to be my last. I will always be your baby. The feelings this gave me were indescribable. I seemed that I had my world back. All I had to do now was forgive her. She cried and cried asking me for forgives. I would cry in my truck about it and she would comfort me and tell me everything was going to be ok. She told me that she promised she was here for good and she was in love with me. I still couldn’t bring myself to kiss her. One night after dinner I broke down and we made passionate love. We even did not use protection and understood that she might become pregnant. This was wonderful for me as I want another child. (She did not become pregnant) The next day I made her call that guy and tell him the she didn’t have feelings for him and that she wanted to focus on her family. She did it. Things were good.
So I thought things were good. I had the demons of what she had done inside me and whenever they would creep up I would make her feel bad about it. About 15 days later I let it go. I was ready to move on and make a life with her. I bought her a $3,000.00 ring and asked her to marry me. She said that she was ready to commit and buy a house with me. We went and shopped and found a home that we liked. We designed it and spent countless hours picking out upgrades. The house is scheduled to be done in July. She would email me wedding suggestions and tell her family about the house. She seemed to be very excited.
We made numerous trips out buying things for the home and spent a ton of money on these items. They are currently in storage. I was in love again and I had my life back.
Well our lease was up in April and it was planned to stay at my friend’s house until the house was done. Around mid march I noticed during a comment she made that she seemed distant. I picked up on it so fast because it was the same feeling I had in October. I asked her about it and she said it was nothing. Again I started to give that gut feeling that something wasn’t right. She slowly became more and more distant. We would go out to eat and there would be virtually no conversation, we would go do things and the friend bond seemed to be non-existent. I was so scared that I began to pressure her and nag her about us and ask her to give me some answers. She would not talk. Well moving time came around and we started to pack up a little too late. Two days before our scheduled move she went out to a movie with a girlfriend instead of packing. This made me so mad. How could she be so irresponsible? She got home and we argued over it. She said that she feels like she is stuck and she is only going to my friend’s house because she has no choice. We made up again and mad love all night. We moved and put everything into storage and went to my friends. Two days later we were going to meet at the day care to pick up our daughter and then go look at the home. She left 30 min b4 me but I still beat her to the daycare. This puzzled me. We went to the house and as we were looking at it I notice that she did not have her ring on, she had put it in her pocket and met that guy for a few minutes. I was so enraged that I asked for it back and left. She went to her friend’s house and I went to mine. I called him that night and she said she was done. I was again devastated beyond belief.
A few days passed and I called her. She said that she just wanted some time without pressure and that nobody said we were not getting the house. This was insufficient. I pushed and pushed and cried for her to come stay with me and our daughter (I have her) she would not. We would meet to drop off/pick up our daughter and every time I would see her I would break down. She had little or no emotional response.
My friend caught notice of this and put me on a dating network despite my desire to not do so. My fiancé checked my email and became very angry. She told me I need to take myself off there so I did. She would continue to check my email and delete anything pertaining to the site. This was just two weeks ago. I thought that two wrongs would make a right so I checked her email. I found messages to her family in NY about how excited she was about the home and about how she was going to decorate the house for them to visit and see. This made no sense to me. Well I continued to search for answers. The harder I pushed the more distant she would become. Today she emailed me that she felt like she does not want the same things I want. Later we met for our daughter and she told me that she almost doesn’t even care to try to work it out. I need to move on. I couldn’t even breathe. I cried and begged and she just drove off with my daughter in my arms.
So I am turning to you for your advice on what I should do to give us the best chance of working this out. She is still staying with her family and has not searched for an apt. As far as I know. We still have a joint checking account and I am the co-signer of her vehicle. I ask her everyday of she is interested in that guy and she says she is not and will never be, they are just friends. What is going on inside her head? She told me that she felt like she had no choice in January but to stay but now she has options. How can anyone do this to another human being? Especially given what she put me through and that I am the father of her child. She told me that she was in love with me and wanted to marry me. She bought a house with me. She purchased thousands of dollars of items for the home. She was wearing my ring sending me messages about getting married. How can she go from the emotional sate she was in to this so quickly and without any regard for my feelings? I cannot imagine life without his woman. I cannot imagine not having my baby girl under my roof every night to kiss good night. I cannot imagine another man or woman in my daughter’s life. I hate to think that she will come from a broken home. It breaks my heart. (My fiancé came from a two time broken home) I am dying here. I cannot eat nor sleep. I am about to loose my job over it. As of tonight the house is still going up. I am clinging on to hope that she will come around and realize what she has and what a bright future we can have, I know I will never make the same mistakes I made. PLEASE PLEASE offer me any advice on saving this relationship and saving the future of my daughter. I do not want her future to be filled with the emotions and confusion a=of not having her parents together. I want to marry this woman.
