My story isn't of a break up with a girlfriend. I wish it were that simple! No, my story is of a broken marriage that ended after 17 years. It's a story of two children that no longer have thier father living in the same home with them. It's a story of a large family home being sold and replaced with two smaller homes. It's a story of starting a new life for four people, and in it, there is a lesson.
My marriage of 17 years ended last fall. I fell in love with another woman - a friend of my wife - and when she found out, she put an end to our marriage. It was right for her to do so, of course! But having said that, there was no affair involved in the relationship between the other woman and I. We never had sex, nor did we even so much as kiss. But we did fall in love with one another. It was an emotional affair.
Now...I was in a marriage that never should have been. I never loved my ex - not passionately anyway - and that lack of passion in our marriage made for some very rocky times. Although, we were the best of friends for all of those years and were supportive and loyal to one another. And by saying that there was no passion, I don't mean that there was no sex. We had sex, there was just no real passion for one another.
Another thing that made my marriage difficult was the fact that my ex and I were pretty much polar opposites for the majority of our marriage. We were cut from two different types of cloth and we always had areas of our relationship and personalities that didn't fit. There was compromise over the years, but the issues never truely went away.
A lot of what I am saying is just the normal course of the married life for many people. A lot of us waste away our lives living with someone who is not right for us and we grow old full of regrets because we never got out before it was too late. I think we can all summon up in our minds a couple who is just like that.
Anyway...my ex and I decided to split because I fell in love with another woman. Or...my ex decided it for us both. As I say, I deserved that. Some would say that I didn't deserve it because I did not put my hand in the cookie jar. Well...that is true. And many of us - perhaps most of us - love someone other than our spouse in our lifetime. As long as we don't cross the line...I think we're still on high ground. But there wasn't enough glue to hold my marriage together this time.
In the past, we had almost separated three times due to our incompatibility. The glue that held us together was a mutual respect for one another, friendship, our kids, our house and our lifestyle. That wasn't enough this time. The glue didn't hold.
I have dated for like a fiend for about the past year. I met a boat load of women on the internet (locally) and have had such a good time. I have had some of the best sex in my entire life and to be honest, I would never have thought women in thier late 30's and early 40's would be so beautiful and so amazing. But, I have to tell you...thay are definately the best! Well...so far anyway!
Getting out of a dead marriage has set me free in many ways; particularly sexually. I have made new friends (women) and have discovered things about myself emotionally that I never knew existed. And I have found some old things about myself that I thought had died altogether.
Along the way, I met one woman in particular. She is everything I could possibly ask for in a female. No...she is much more! We are very compatable intellectually and emotionally, and we share many of the same interests. And, to top it all off, she is a 12 out of 10! Quick...someone pinch me!
Anyway, that area of my life is good and I am in a committed relationship with one woman that I adore. That makes me very happy because that's the kind of a guy I am and that is what I have always wanted out of a relationship (But...the dating thing sure was fun!!! Sorry, I'm digressing) I am finally happy with a woman I love.
And let me just say that passion is a very important thing in life and when you are with someone you can be truely passionate with, you have all the riches in the world. It is truely the best thing in life!
That brings me around to the fallout from this whole thing. The happiness is there on many fronts, but there is also the feeling of loss. The loss of my family (kids), big house, pool, friends (not true friends!)and lifestyle are felt deeply every day. I miss all of it. I can't help but think that a lot of it was an illusion, however and that I am better off without it.
I have my own house, but it's smaller. I have my kids come and stay with me, but I wish I still tucked them in every night. Friends? I'm making new ones.
I think life is all about change. My life has done a flip-flop in the past year and my head is still spinning over it all. It's a crazy life, man! And sometimes you just have to hold on and wait until the ride is over.
All I know is this: I am rebuilding my life and I don't want to make the same mistakes I did many years ago.
One more thing. Internet dating gets a very bad rap. I think it's the way of the future, and I met some spectacular women on line. Just know what you want and don't settle for less.
Marko!!
Last edited by Argyll; 09/17/07 09:49 PM.
