RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Breaking Up I Want him back

I started talking to this guy at my sister's wedding in Aug 2006. We were friends & just hung out until we started to date in May 2007. The summer went great. Things got harder when school started at the end of August. He works full-time & takes night classes at the local college. He ended it at the end of September. He's a great guy & we still talk on occasion. He does know I want him back, but he feels pressured.

One of the biggest reasons he ended it was because he decided it was too hard. Finding time to spend together was hard enough just getting around out work schedules & his school schedule. To add to it, he has a roommate that is way to controlling over his life & has to know where he is at all times. This roommate didn't know we were dating, because she (who he isn't & doesn't want to be involved with) would make things even harder then they already were.

Please give me some advice on how to get him back. I really miss him & want what we had back. I do know that we can get it back. The biggest problem right now is that I've been trying to get him to see that for a few month now & he doesn't. He keeps telling me to stop pushing cause I'm pushing him away (which I don't want to do).

Please don't tell me to just move on cause he's "not worth it." Trust me he is worth it.

welcome to the forum.what he telling you is true,you can chase a man so much until he becomes uninterested in you.it can be a true turn off.you have told him how you feel,now it is up to him to decide if he wants this relationship.believe this anything that a man is truely interested in he will find and make time for.I would hate to see you get your feeings more hurt then they already are.give him room to think about what he'll be missing out on.mean whilebusy yourself with other things.

Welcome Sep780

Hhmm...

The finding time it I understand.

The fitting in with the controlling rules of a female room-mate, I do not.

If you share with someone, then of course you have to respect their wishes and have shared house rules, but room-mates do not decide who you date and when.

Maybe he doesn't want to date her ~ or maybe there is something there ~ who knows.
Anyway, that doesn't mean she doesn't want to date him.

If I had a boyfriend who was living with another girl, I would be a bit wary. If she was involved in us breaking up, I'd be even more wary.

It's true that chasing a boy can turn him off, but, if he really cared as much as you would like him to, then you would be having a relationship, where you see each other only occasionally, as decided by you, yourselves; not breaking up with the help of another girl.

I'm sorry if I sound blunt ~ and maybe I really have got him wrong ~ but in spite of what you say, I do think that you might be better off finding someone who shares his thoughts with you, rather than someone in the control of another girl.


Okay ~ good luck!

Trust me she doesnt' want to date him. She's married to someone else right now who lives out of the country at the moment & is in the process of moving here. He does care about her, but only as a friend.

Fair enough ~ but why, then, is she trying to control his life?

I'll give that a try. I've been trying to not push him for a while now. Working a little better now that I have 1 friend I'm talking to about it again. Managed to go a whole week w/o calling or msging him. That was my goal. Giving it a try again this week. So far so good.

That's sorta complicated.

I am sure you must be wonderful but he is not for you. If he was, nothing could keep him away. Accept this now and save your heart for one who would value it as the treasure it is.

I'm sorry because I know that isn't what you want to hear and I don't blame you. When the right one comes along you will know. You won't need to ask them to fit you in. They will make it their business to fit you in all by themselves and because they want to all by themselves.

Have you ever heard the song, "You Can't Hurry Love" by the Supremes? I am dating myself here but it is a wonderful old song. Google for it and I am sure you can find it somewhere to listen to. Truer words were never sung. Take that advice too and don't worry. Just be the nice person you are and the rest will happen for you on its own.

Yeah I'm sure I've heard the song. Will look it up though.

Part of why he left is because I've been talking the blame for everything & honestly believing that everything is my fault & feeling inferior to everybody for about 20 years now, & I'm in my 20s. Put that on top of how hard it was already, & I can see how it got to be too hard on him. Any arguements we had while dating were about whether or not I made a mistake & whether or not it was my fault.

You need to look objectively at why you do this. Perhaps you could go for counselling or to assertiveness classes.

I'm one of those people who feels guilty at the slightest thing and worries about things I've said, etc, but no-one is perfect; everyone makes mistakes. You are probably no better or worse than any other average person, so try hard to lighten up ~ with help if necessary.