To start off - I've never been a lover person. All through middle school I laughed off my friends crushes, calling them silly, stupid, and a waste of time. Don't get me wrong - I wasn't ever trying to be vindictive, it's just always been my personally. I've always cared more about my school work and passions for activities than had any crushes. My friends can't believe it - but there's no reason for me to lie here. I honestly haven't had a crush before. I really didn't care.
Then high school hits. I've been going to this school since kindergarten - it takes you all the way through senior year in High School. So I've been with the same group of kids (minus and plus a few between years and transfers) for about 10 years when Freshman year comes round. In our advising group (10 or so kids that meet every day as a break after lunch to just relax and do things together as a team) we had one new kid. I hadn't really hung out with any guys because I just wasn't comfortable with the idea in middle school - thanks to my friends ridiculous crushes and all. So a new guy comes into our advising - I'm going to call him Steve. Most of the time we went back and forth arguing, but it was harmless, friendly banter. Later that year we realized that we were both really into the same political party (politics is a big deal to me!), but it didn't really make a difference.
Sophomore year things changed. First of all - there was an election, and we were both behind the same candidate. We started talking a lot - less arguing, more discussing of ideas. We grew to talking without pretext more and more. With my two best friends becoming more and more busy (one very academic and a bigger circle of friends due to her higher honors and AP courses, the other increasingly obsessive with boys and less interested with me) I found myself talking to Steve more than my two core friends that I'd had since middle school some days.
At first I was a little suprised and then happy to have an actual guy friend for once. I'd tripped up and done stupid annoying things at first, but as this years has progressed I've found myself becoming more and more comfortable around him and his friends. I'm still not girly, not really into dances or my one friend's obsessiveness concerning the opposite sex, but lately I've been wondering if I actually like this guy.
There's more to this story then friend to friend with crush. I don't know much about relationships besides the typical chic flick dramas that I'm forced to see with friends - but I know that that's a classic. I frequently feel that we're just friends, then I feel that I really am starting to like him. This being a first for me I'm still not sure. There are days I beg myself to change my mind, to stay friends, things are easy that way. But then I feel I just can't ignore this.
But anyway - the big twist is another girl - let's call her Shelly. Apparently she's liked him since the day he got here. Steve's all around pretty nice, and I guess pretty cute (again, not that used to saying/judging these types of things - weird I know, but that's just how it goes...still not that comfortable saying it) and it went from freshman year Steve liking Shelly (but she wouldn't return his feelings) to Shelly liking Steve but never doing anything about it. So it's gone on till now. Shelly asked Steve to the Sadie Hawkins dance which I'd not planned on attending or asking anyone to on account of my big sis coming in from college and me just not liking dancing or the atmosphere that much.
I've read all the advice I can on your site - and it's great advice - probably the best being talk to your friends. I'd die to be like the precocious obsessive one who'll tell us every crush she has every second she feels a new one coming on. Thing is, I've been close to working up the nerve several times, to get their advice on the situation. The thing that's stopped me every time is Shelly. She's not in our tight circle of three, but she's really nice and I'm in quite a few classes with her so we talk a fair bit. Whenever I've brought up the Shelly/Steve thing to either of them they talk about how adorable they'd be, with me biting my lip and agreeing heartily with them.
So it leaves me with this resource. I've done plenty of things online - but this is probably one of the craziest ones of all - posting this entire situation for pretty much anyone to see. But looking at your site I see you guys are good! So I want your opinion on anything in this little drama. Should I just make myself forget about these possible feelings and stick to being friends like half of me desperately wants to do? Should I work up the nerve to talk to my friends and ask their advice since they know so much more gossip than I do and the people well enough? Should I do anything with Steve directly?
Yeah, I sound completely pathetic and akward I know - but better to post a story for some of your enjoyment than hoard it away all on my own. I hope I can work up the courage to come back and see what you guys say.
Thanks so much -