RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Breaking Up advice please - (revised)

I'm just re-posting because I wanted to thank everyone for all the solid advice. Also to revise an update to my relationship now.Just last weekend I made a point to fix all my problems in life on my own, wheather its professional help, or just stuff i can fix solo. I think this has definitly come across my Xgf as a serious decision that she seems to believe im folloing thru on. I have also let her know that I support her decisions on if she wants to bring back her old feelings with this cyber/person. Few weird things going on now. Now that im in full support of her decision they havent talked that much anymore, which i think in part of her doing some tiny sabotaging on thier conversations. at least thats what shes told me. I have mentioned also to her that I was going to persue some other persons interest and when i said that she cried so bad. I wasnt expecting that type of reaction at all from her. I was more expecting a feeling of releif thatshe would be happy i was going to seek my needyness from elswhere. This point i could use some feedback on. Why does she want somone els over me, I'm trying to be suportive with it, shes definitly not playing games ( i have known her forever, and she just doesnt have game or player in her, why I fell in love with her purity and innocence) but shes now sad and jealous. WHY is this? She pursueing her intrests, why she upset if i persue my own?

Besides all of this things have been on the road to either repaired status or just beter status, shes called me quite a bit this week. asked me to stay over her house,we even had a romantic night this week which went into the long hours of the late morning. we both hurt all over from it the next day cause its been so long for us to be like that for such a long period of time.Also she hasnt had much contact with cyber/dude really other then a few txt's here and there again this i think is from some type of sabotage on one of thier conversations, i think hes mostly worried cause we have a history of this breaking up. she tells him, her and I will never talk again.. then a week later too a month later were back togther, or at least back hanging out and talking again.. Plus she told him somthing rether depressing and disturbing about herself and i dont think hes got enough man inside him to handle it.. Just my opinion on him tho!!

I have been feeling much beter and everyones posts were such good advice.. I knew these points i guess alrdy.. but had to here everythign from outside people so everything would saturate in i guess.. shes actually txting him right now as im posting this and it dosent bother me in one way what so ever, which is huge for me. I guess no matter what the outcome of us I will always Love her so much and im trying to be a beter listener. I'm trying to handle my own problems on my own time, and not make her feel so needy. If we manage to fix everything I would be so so so happy, but i cant let it destroy my life if we dont. I have been trying to beter my career status and this space weve been giving each other has alowed me to grow more as a person and a friend. I did stay over her house this hole weekend but i definitly feel i need to head out some time this afternoon, I dont want to over stay my welcome right now.

I just need to know how to approach why shes sad about me moving on if thats what i want to end up doing. this has been all her choices up till last weekend.. now i have a deliema if i stop talking to my person of intrest shouldnt she do the same? thats if were going to fix stuff between us right? and how do i tell her to stop txting emaling and any other type of contact if she still wants that ? i wouldnt keep contacting somone els for i wouldnt want to hurt her or make her feel not needed. like i have somtimes felt in the past?

THX again . I feel almost reborn in the last week, I just cant fall back to my old needy habits, i cant push people away who need me, and i need tell when its time to move on or not!!!

Yes, sometimes all you need is for an objective observer to reflect back what you already klnow.
I'm glad it has helped and I wish you well.


Well done! Being positive is great.


This girl has invested a lot in you ~ time, energy, emotions ~ to the extent that it would appear that she couldn't cope with it any longer, and had to unload onto someone else.

Now you have told her that you are going to be more positive and less needy ~ and she is seeing you again and having less to do with her cyber friend.

She was probably thinking along the lines of Joanboys' advice:

http://www.wineintro.com/forum/ubbthread...8136#Post258136

In other words, by shifting the responsibility for dealing with your needs, from her shoulders, this would enable the relationship to become a real romantic partnernship again.

However, after all she has done, and after you telling her that things are changing, instead of the expected opportunity to bring love and romance back into your relationship, you are saying that you are going to find someone new!!??

Is that fair?

She only texts this person because she needs to share her burden. Did you know that counsellors have to 'unload' after sessions? ~ and they are trained and not emotionally involved.

This girl is not trained, but she is emotionally involved. She needed someone to talk to.

Can you see now why you upset her?

Try to see things from her viewpoint and to be more understanding of her needs and feelings.