RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Breaking Up I Want him back

We all make mistakes regularly. Welcome to humanity. Now that we have that out of the way, the next thing is how do we handle this without beating up on ourselves and injuring our own self-esteem? Life is for learning and nobody needs to be hurt to learn. So be nice to you is my first bit of advice.

In keeping with that my second bit of advice is you should seek out a counselor and spend some time in talk therapy. You need to talk about your feelings related to self-esteem and perhaps other pertinent related things with a professional where you'll get the best help you need. This is not about any sort of weakness or deficiency in you. It's all about the very real need that so many of us have at times in our lives for objective guidance and support in finding our own answers and growing as we do so. I can tell you need some support in building up your own confidence, self-esteem and sense of self worth.

Happiness and fulfillment in life are things that spring from within, not from without. You won't find them in a relationship with someone else for example until you first find them within your own self. When you cross that bridge then you are ready to be in a healthy loving relationship and you won't need this old man to tell you so on a message board. You will know.

A good counselor or therapist can help you get to this good place and I would sincerely and highly recommend you get on the phone Monday and make it happen. The sooner you are working on this with someone the sooner you are heading for feeling good about you and you really do deserve that. I know you do and I believe that you can come to know it too.

Don't know where to begin? Ask your own doctor if you have one for a referal. If that is not an option, open up the yellow pages and make some calls. If like me you believe in God in some way, don't forget to ask him to help you find somebody good.

Lastly, you might like to read some books with nice daily affirmations that are wonderful for helping one to focus on positive things about themselves. I know you can find such books at any good bookstore and probably the library too.

You'll be glad to know that I have started seeing a therapist. I have had 2 sessions with her so far. I started to go because of a friend's urging in a way. Although right now the only people I've actually told is her & one of my mngrs at work (who is like a 2nd mom to me). I guess you can say I'm hoping that with professional help & friends & family I'll be able to get past some of the "constant guilt" (aka. always blaming myself) & my fellings of being inferior to everybody. Both of them stem back to my childhood though & aren't from the relationship. They are both parts of why he decided it was too hard though.

I'm working on the book of self affirmations in a way. I have some of the people I'm closest too making lists of 10 things they think are good about me. I only ask why they see them for the ones I don't understand.

Things are already on the up, then, because you have had the motivation to set things in motion. That's great!
Well done ~ and good luck!

Now the biggest thing to do with the affirmations is to find a way to believe them myself. I do see not just telling people they are wrong about some of the ones they came up with & instead asking why they see it as a small step though.

Yes ~ keep being positive!
I'm sure that there are lots of very good & positive about you ~ make some lists yourself.
For example, you have given some good advice to others on here.
And even little things, like your posts are polite ~ not everyone on forums is helpful and polite (though this one tends to be better than many).

As I said, I've had real problems, myself, with the guilt thing. Sometimes you just have to really face up to whatever you think you have said or done and look at it objectively.
Is it really that bad?
Are you getting into a state over something of little consequence?

It can be hard ~ frightening even ~ to confront your demons, but often those 'demons' are minor, once you actually confront them.

Good luck!

I just started doing a "self-confidence" course at www.more-self-esteem.com & signed up at www.selfesteem4women.com. I've also had a few sessions w/ a therapist now. Not sure how the therapist is working out, but I'll give it a try. Only had the first "lesson" for the confidence course so far & that one was pretty much figuring out for myself where I lack confidence & where I already have it along w/ where I want/need it. I know that there is no way it will make things any worse & really want it to make things better. My one manager (she's like a 2nd mom to me almost in a good way though), believes that it can & will help & has told be to be positive about it.

If you can do this yourself, then I feel that it will do you good! Take care!

Gurl if u were me I would but him behind and find some other guy to please you, cuz u hooked on this guy and you have to let him go.

ok Im late to this post, but from what you first wrote I would have to tell you the truth, you seem really nice but,,, ok the reason he gave you is xxxx, he only told you that to be nice.. if he cared for you he would make time, and Im not just saying that, you make time for him right, and you deal with all the xxxx too so, which means he ended up not having feelings for you in that way anymore, its sad but true, he wants to be friends to be nice also, truth is he dont, he wants you to move on and stop asking him how he feels about you. the best thing I can say is...you better then that, find some one else, or not find persay but keep a eye open... dont pass up any one becasue you are waiting on him... he well not turn around. its been to long of a time and he has moved on... now yu can...hope this helps