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#314301 07/28/08 03:32 PM
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choob Offline OP
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theres this girl from church i know, she was 15, me 16, around one year ago, i told her i liked her, via an email. the next sunday she told some people and the people told other people and then all my friends knew. to my surprise, one sunday, in front of everyone, one of my friends questioned me on this. out of shock and shyness, i said no. before this, though, on that sunday she seemed more friendlier than usual. after this, i didnt know what to do. i kind of ignored/avoided her. a week later i decided to stop doing that. there was this lunch one day, i was sitting near her, i decided to tap her foot. i hope it was the right thing to do. she didnt do anything, but half a minute later she looks under the table. at this point i was still shy about my feelings, and i sent another email. she said she only wanted to be friends. this was the closest point since developing feelings for her to having that become my goal. but then for some reason, she just kept staring at me, i tried to let my feelings die down, but they couldnt. i was absolutely ready to. then came a youth group retreat. theres this game that our fellowship plays, everyone sits in a circle. for some reason i found she almost always sat directly across from me. she is a shy person. at this point, my attitude was just to let things progress as they did. but during these games, whenever i looked at her, she was almost always looking at me with a blank expression. now, throughout all of this, she never directly said a word to me. also, whenever i tried to talk to her, she just gave one, two word answers, quietly. from then until this summer, i would always find my eyes looking into hers, blankly.
going back 3 months from now, at around march, its pretty ridiculous. my friend developed feelings for her too, not knowing or forgetting of my own. i think they became close for a while. but still through all of this, there were moments when we looked into each others eyes for a while, without saying any words. coming back to this summer, we recently had a retreat. we had the above mentioned game, and like last time, she sat pretty much across from me. everytime i looked at her she looked like she was thinking about something, unless she was talking to her friend. but most of the time she looked like she was thinking about something. then i swear that she just stared at me for a minute or so. now, after this retreat, i think she started to be near me much more. i would have taken this opportunity to talk to her, about my feelings. however by now she was about to go on a mission trip somewhere. not wanting to distract her from her work, i decided to wait till she got back. i could have went on the trip too, but i decided i wasnt ready for that kind of work. she came back, and i was extremely prepared to talk to her. but by now she was talking to another of my friends, and i decided to not do anything about it, and wait it out, thinking that they just shared some intimate experience together. but they looked a lot closer than she and my other friend did, back a couple of months ago. the difference is, is that now they are together 95% of the time. i asked my friend if they got together, he said no.

my questions are:
what does she want?
is she trying to make me jealous?
what should i do?

soon our church is going to have a vbs, and we're in a group together. so that means we'll be near each other for pretty much two weeks.

also, theres this other girl. i met her in march at a conference, and i grew pretty close to her. now in the summer, im participating in a sports league and shes on my team. now, i think i like this girl too. i cant say i love her, though. i can feel the emotion if i picture myself kissing the above girl, but not this one. also, ive shown myself, in front of the girl from my own church, being close to this girl, especially very recently. but still, i've been getting a lot of eye contact with the above girl. to combat confusion, girl introduced in this paragraph will be (other) girl, and girl from my church (above) girl.

thanks for reading.

choob #314509 07/28/08 09:54 PM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
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True Blue Soulmate
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True Blue Soulmate
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
Welcome to the forum Choob smile

It seems that last year, when you e-mailed this girl to tell her that you liked her, you were surprised that she told her friends and that everyone at church soon knew.

But it's not so surprising. Fifteen year old girls talk about boys ~ especially boys who send then unexpected e-mails, saying that they like them.

She was acting quite friendly towards you and then you denied that you liked her.

Again, not a surprise ~ this is what teenagers often do when they feel awkward and embarrassed ~ but it must have left her feeling a bit confused, especially as you then proceeded to ignore her.

When you finally made contact again, you tapped her on the foot. Personally, I really don't think that this would have helped matters very much, or eased her confusion.

Then you sent her another email saying you liked her, but she replied that she would prefer to remain friends.

After that, she kept looking at you ~ including when playing the circle game ~ but her expression was blank and she didn't speak to you. I suppose that she may not have known quite how to behave ~ this isn't really too surprising, is it, in the circumstances?

A couple of your friends also like her and, since then, she has become friendlier with them, but still looks at you or stays near to you.

What does she want?
Maybe she just wants to know how you really feel.

Is she trying to make you jealous?
Well, since you haven't been too clear about your feelings, she may just want clarification.

What should you do?
Talk to her ~ but be prepared for her to say that she only wants to be friends.
That is what she told you before.

As for the other girl, well, at your age it is not time to settle down, so no-one would expect you to have found your 'one and only', but you shouldn't be pursuing more than one girl at a time.

You are young ~ so are the girls ~ just be friendly and truthful.

Good luck!


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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