RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Breaking Up He wants to be friends now..

I'm sorry, Dagny, but I cannot understand this situation at all. I couldn't from the beginning.

You used to think that he was a wonderful boyfriend, whom you intended to marry.

It's as if he wants you and doesn't want you at the same time. He wants you to be his friend, his girlfriend, his fiancee, his wife, etc, but he also wants to date others and he doesn't seem to treat your views with respect.

I'm confused by this.

I would simply suggest that you heed your gut reaction.

Well...he started out a great guy. He was nice in the beginning, but he kinda turned into a jerk (my mom's words)
someone told me to tell him to stop talking to me and leave me alone. if he doesn't walk away, then I am supposed to speak loud enough for people around us to hear, say something like "I've told you again and again that I don't want to be your friend or to talk to you, now leave me alone"
they said that he will be embarrassed by the other people seeing him rejected and leave me alone. I think that will work, at least for a day.
If he comes back again I might contact the campus security...it is a last resort though...
I'll let you know how it works out.

Good luck.

Speaking from a guys view, If you accept his invite he will think he can get back with you or persue a sexual relationship with. I know that sounds silly and shallow but this how a guys mind works if i am being honest.

If you want to persue something with him then accept the invite. If not and you want to move on, ignore the invite and block him from your list.

All the best.

That is what my mom told me, Nicky. That is what I told him actually, that he wanted to be free of me before, why is he trying to be friends with me now.
But how does that explain that he says he has a girlfriend?
Lucky I don't have classes until Wednesday...

You obviously have decided that you are through with him and for whatever reason, he is still interested. Perhaps it is the thrill of the persuit. Now that he can't have you he wants you. In any case, I would be very careful about how you proceed with this man. You really don't know how he will react to being humiliated or embarrased. I think that refusing all contact and not listening to advice from well meaning friends may be the best. You don't want him to try and get even or turn nasty for some perceived slight. Ignore Ignore Ignore. If this fails to achieve the result you want, then speaking to someone in authority may be necessary. It is not normal for someone to continue to persue someone in this manner and smacks of "stalking". I am sure he does not want to get that reputation as it will be very difficult to get dates with other eligible females in the future. Try to avoid telling people about his persistance or making threats to him or publicly embarrassing him, as it is possible it could backfire or inflame the situation. Unfortunately, a bad boyfriend has now turned into an even worse ex-boyfriend.

I do worry about his reaction if I follow through with that, Joandboys. I remember when we were dating a girl said something that was embarrassing to him on his facebook wall and he got very mad.
But ignoring him is not working. He still thinks he can talk and be friends with me, and I don't want him in my life. I can't do anything about him watching me in the Student Union building though...but even if I can get him to stop talking to me that would be better than nothing.
Luckily we have campus police, and I think if it turns out bad, and he doesn't back off I will take it to them. The only reason I have hesitated doing this is that I don't want him to get in trouble (still the nice person in me) but I think I might give him a heads up at least, like if you don't leave me alone the campus police will be notified of this situation.
In some ways it might look like he is just wanting to be friends, and being nice, but if he was really nice he would leave me alone, right?
Is it really stalking? That is what I told my mom it was like, but I didn't know if that was the right word or not...
Hopefully he will like this new girl and stick with her rather than bothering me.

Not really knowing him or his personality ~ or knowing you, either, it's difficult for me to be sure what to think.

Just being polite but distant could work ~ but if you feel that it won't & it isn't what you want, then maybe you do need to make it clear to him that your relationship with him is completely over ~ even as friendly aquaintances and, if you do intend to involve campus police, to give him a warning and then stop the contact completely.

You have discussed this with your mother ~ what does she think?

If he has girlfriend and is still persuing you this tells me all i need to know about him. He ain't worth it.

Dagny, you sound, from the vocabulary you use, as if you may be a little afraid of this perason.

He may or may not be a stalker; he may or may not just want to remain friends, but, if you feel that he is to be feared, then you should be wary and follow your gut instinct. Perhaps you shouldn't be contacting him at all ~ not even to warn him about campus security ~ just in case.