RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Organizing and Cleaning Compromises & Wardrobe changes

Do all women try to keep their significant others up to date in fashion - newer, fashionable color, better texture? And throw out socks and underwear you don't want the SO seen in if he/she gets taken to the hospital?

Does your SO get upset when tee shirts come up missing? Does he say, "Well, I can use that as my mowing (or painting, or fishing, or hunting...) shirt!"?

Marge and I compromise. She buys me new stuff, which I wear when the occasion calls for it, and I throw out socks that have holes and underwear that should not see the light of day. But I have a stack of tee shirts and jeans which are for bumming around, and for working, or whatever, that are for me to decide whether to keep for a few more years, or not.

And favorite loafers, deck shoes, and the like - be careful, SOs.

So what are your rules and your stories?

I go into my hubby's drawers and take inventory of his boxers and white tee shirts. The man will wear boxers that have stretched out waistbands and shirts that are torn.
I'm constantly buying new socks because my washer/dryer "misplaces" the socks.
I'm very fashion-conscious, consequently, I expect hubby to be the same way. I also take inventory of his shirts, sweaters, sweatshirts and pants. If I cease to like them...OUT THEY GO, yes, without his knowledge. When he asks for a particular item, I play stupid. NO comments, Carl. LOL
Additionally, I buy new things for him and add them to his hanging clothes. He never has a clue as to where they came from. Just picks up the item with this cute puzzled look on his face. Kinda like, "where did this come from"?
Oh, and what really infuriates me is when he takes a day off and puts on a long sleeve shirt that requires dry cleaning. Why wear that shirt when you can put on a casual shirt that can be tossed into the washer? He says,he feels comfortable in it.
While we're on the subject, DON'T, I REPEAT DON'T take a good towel to wash your car, that's what rags are for.
I could go on and on, but I'll stop.

LMAO! What,do they all take lessons from each other or what? I think all of the above goes uder the heading "It's a guy thing" All I can say is -Yep, ya gotta love 'em! lols They're totally clueless. As far as throwing things out on my hubby-no I don't throw things away on him-if he still like wearing it, then so be it, it's his choice.Although I will never understand why he insists on wearing a pair of jeans that he has to suck in his gut to put on! How in the world can that be comfortable?? God forbid you just go out and get a bigger size-oh no, these fit fine, they'll stretch out lol My friend says her hubby does the same thing. What's up with that? So ya need a bigger size who ya tryin to kid anyway? Holey socks, well yeah-out they go-who likes to wear holey socks anyway? Other than that,hey he's the one wearin it so...whatever

No.

I rarely deal with my husband's clothing and he rarely deals with mine.

I buy and wash for me and the kids. He sorts his own out.

It's better that way.

When we first got married it was different ~ we tried.
But we just ruined each other's things.
So the simple answer, in our house is ~ no.

Here's what I don't understand. How is it when I gain weight, my clothes get tight, but when hubby gains weight ALL his clothes still fit? Please explain this to me.

Laughing about the jeans. The guy keeps thinking, "I'll just drink a few less beers, and get started on those exercises, and then these jeans will be fine."

A real motivational tool for the guy is - buy him a pair of jeans or trousers that are a size too big. Then he has the choice of too-tight or falling down. May not solve the wardrobe problem, but it will definitely motivate him to take action (on the waist size, or on getting some more trousers in his current waist size).

We have a stack of towels (the kind that are not the best) for washing the vehicles and for wiping the brow when I'm mowing or loppping brush or working on our property.

Think choices - just like you do with kids.

As for your situation, PDM, sometimes that's all you can do.

Now, in our house, mostly Marge cooks, and I clean up and keep the d/w loaded, run, or unloaded. But I sometimes cook - especially omelets and other situational items.

And Marge mostly does the laundry. But she's good about starting the washer, and I'll notice, and put them in the dryer, and then fold the clothes. But sometimes I'll do the laundry - especially if she's working.

If a guy is allowed to complain, one thing that I notice: when I take off my clothes, I try to turn them right side out before putting them in the dirty clothes area. And when I take clothes from the dryer, I'll turn any clothes right side out before folding (or hanging) them. But Marge will just fold them as she finds them.

So when I put my clothes away, I won't know sometimes which are undershirt tees and which are my working outside tees.

But, that's really not a very big complaint.

As I said before, you compromise. Or you learn to look the other way. Or, I guess, you can always get even. But I wouldn't advise that for the males (or SOs).

Marge says I am fond of dangling my feet in the piranha-infested waters, but I'm not going to deliberately put my head in there.

Ok, Mike does NOT cook, clean, pickup after himself or anything like that. I do it all and I'm not complaining. He has an extremely stressful job and I'm retired. However, when we're having company over to the house, he takes the house apart and makes it sparkle. For that, I'm grateful. He has strength that I don't have.

Rob, my hubby, refuses to accept the fact that he has gained weight! He wears a large sized shirt. He insists he wears a medium. He buys M, then they don't fit, BUY A LARGE FOR PETE'S SAKE! Same with jeans. It's no longer a 32 you wear, my dear, it's 34! He even gets offended if I buy him clothes in sizes he deems 'Too Big'. But lo and behold...THEY FIT!

So, I no longer buy him things. I let him handle that.

I find that I have a bunch of men's tee shirts in size M to wear, though...hmm...

And that's what I'm saying Luv! Each partnership has to communicate and find what works for you. As you've said, your has been working for some time now. Good for you.

I am also "retired." Even though I tried to do my part with all the household jobs (that are really not male or female - some are more who is better suited, and some are just chores that need to be done and could be done by either, or both), things changed in the Spring of 2003.

I talk about this in Marge's ITP story. Since she works so hard as a nurse (even now that she has "retired," she works PRN so that we can pay most of our bills), I try hard to be a househusband (but also keep up with the "manly" tasks also - building decks and keeping things away from Marge - like wasps, snakes, and the like).

I hear what you're saying, Jessica. But he does put the toilet seat back down, doesn't he?

Carl, are you saying you actually put the toilet seat back down!? Wow! I think my guys (hubby & 2 boys) should start taking lessons from you! Marge is one lucky lady! There's nothin worse than going to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, half asleep, and ahhhh! almost falling in. LOLS

Yeah. Well, first, Marge is very, very good to me. And I wouldn't want anything to mess that up. Second, Marge has a blood disorder called ITP (I talk about it on our Romance website). So I want to be helpful to her (and did even before ITP). Third, she informed me early in our relationship that were she to go in there from our bedroom (in the dark, with only night lights to guide) and plop down on a seatless bowl, there would be "hell" to pay. More likely, I'd be in the dog house. And we don't even have a dog.

But I was pretty well "trained" even before Marge and I met. She visited me in my apartment (to check on cleanliness and signs of other female influences or habitation) and I passed the test pretty well - except I didn't have up any Christmas decorations. But since then, Marge has decorated my life (as the Kenny Rogers (?) song says.

You and Marge are lucky to have found each other. Seems like you have a good, healthy marriage.
I also must be doing something right, because Mike and I have survived 35 years together. 3 kids, one daughter-in-law, a future son-in-law and the love of my life......my bird, BOOZE BOY

Yes, I am very impressed with that, Luv. I hope you don't mind my calling you that, since I don't know your name.

My first marriage went 21 years.

The name's Diane, my nickname is Lady Di.

Well, well, Lady. I'm even more impressed. I'd say your hubby is a lucky man.

On the subject of spouses and their doing what we'd like for them to do, my first wife was petite (and I'm a fairly short guy at 5'6", but I have never had the small guy syndrome of wanting to "make up" for it and being pugnacious) and we got along fairly well, I'd say.

We had the "normal" division of labor - that is to say the house and the kitchen were hers! I'd help when I could, but I'd never feel like it was appreciated or even wanted.

I can understand and even approve of the sentiment of couples working at their relationships and marriages - working at the "nuts and bolts" of the relationship and the respect of each other's integrity and individuality and the active (as a verb) loving one another, besides being "in" love. But I have to also honestly add:

When the couple has the spark of sexual desire and communicates well, and discovers how to please each other, and doesn't let a "routine" to develop, it is very special.

And I think that the guy is much more apt to think of romance on the spur of the moment, and not just on the special occasions.

And by thinking of romance, I mean picking up a rose bud, or a boquet, or some chocolate, or jewelry - not as a "peace" offering or "guilt" penance, but to say he loves you. And by "he" (because I am a heterosexual male) I don't mean to exclude the other pronoun that could be used.

Also, for the sake of any guys who might be reading, romance is not shown just by buying gifts. Sitting down with your lover, looking at her, talking to her, holding her hand are things that can speak of romance. Offering to cook a special meal (even one dish will do), giving a foot rub, a back rub (even if you forget what the purpose was as you go along). The specific things are endless, but the unifyig theme is this: you have to actually pay attention to your partner and show your partner you like being with her/him.

Well, I'll get down off my soapbox, now.

What got me started was the thought that my first wife of 21 years never bragged about me, or even thought of me as good looking. Marge talks about me with her fellow nurses, and I know she appreciates me. A guy wants to be loved, sure, but he also wants to be admired or appreciated.

I swear they all do it...

My boyfriend must have 60 pairs of socks and underwear from when he was single (he hated laundry, so he just bought more socks and underwear) I hate hate HATE when he wears holey socks and underwear but he wont let me throw them out. He says" In the winter I put the holey ones over top of the non holey ones and they keep me warm" and the boxers are sentimental to him. Its " No way! I got these when I went to MExico on vacation" He completely refuses to compromise, so I just stay out of that drawer now.

I love my husband dearly, but I hate it when I make him a special dinner and he calls me up at the last minute to tell me he has dinner plans at his office. Can anyone guess what he eats the next day?

Cold shoulder, Di?

Well, slowly Marge is changing me, Amaggiepie. Hi, by the way.

When I encounter one sock with a hole in the toe or heel, I throw it in the trash. And I will pick out a pair of colored socks when I wear regular trousers and regular shoes.

But I like the feel of crew socks (white). So, while I accept what Marge tells me that white cotton socks are for tennis shoes, only, it's hard to change. Where I live now in the country, mostly I wear jeans. And the shoes are more for the conditions than the occasion.

And I have shirts that I haven't worn in 5 years, or maybe even 10, but have special significance.

So, I guess we do have things in common.

I don't guess a wise man would notice things that irritate men about women, right?

Do WE irritate you?

Anyone can irritate anyone, on a bad day.

But on most days, no, I'd have to say that women do not irritate me. I like women.

I never really had this problem...well wait.. there is 1 shirt that got so bad that I was given a look each time I wore it.

But outside of that, my partner has never controlled my wardrobe, nor I theirs.

I kind of like having my wardrobe improved (but not the older stuff thrown away - some of that is almost sacred, you know). ['holy' - or is that holey?]

I never really focused on my wardrobe and would buy what I liked to wear. I never really had the need for dress clothes or nice clothes for formal or semi formal settings until recently and because I have no clue what looks good, I took my girlfriend with me to help pick clothes out.

I have no problem letting her pick clothes out for me as long as I like the clothes too because she has a better fashion sense.

Know no limits.

Verity and equity - truth and justice

I got that far. But what does "haud misericordia" mean?

http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?p=369349

Haud misericordia means No Mercy or No Pity.

Those two sayings are what I live my life by everyday and they keep me going.

You don't believe in mercy or pity??!

I too have to ask, why no mercy or pity?? Please explain.

When it comes to clothing, I have many styles that may coincide with the changing weather.

I live in Texas and it can be incredibly cold in the morning, warm in the afternoon and freezing at night, or any other variations. You get used to it.

Personally, I like to dress for occasions though. If for instance say I'm going to a bar with friends, I can wear jeans and a t-shirt. If going on a date, why not wear slacks and a button shirt or polo. If going on a high-stakes date (such as a fancy restaurant, out on the town, or a club) I will lean more toward shirts and ties with jeans and boots.

A good friend once told me, never dress to impress anyone but yourself.

I agree with you. I am a little self-conscious about clothing - not that I would dislike it, but that growing up poor, I don't have a lot of experience with "the good stuff."

But I do enjoy dressing for special occasions.

The most fun I think I had, in dressing, was for the street parades at Fantasy Fest in Key West, Florida.

It's not that I do not believe in mercy or pity, because i do, but not in all cases. The No Mercy goes with the beginning of that quote, Truth and Justice. To me truth should always be preserved and justice should always be served and whenever the truth is covered up or justice is not delivered I believe there should be no mercy.

Justice ~ maybe; but truth sometimes has to be covered up for the good of others. Lying to the Nazis about the presence of Jews, during WWII, springs to mind.

Yes but truth and justice belong together. Lying to the Nazis about Jews was a necessity because it was a way to deliver as much justice as possible at the time. An example of what it is meant to effect is killers or rapists that get off because there was not enough evidence to convict them. Justice was not delivered and the truth was not brought forth and so they should have No Mercy.

So who determines that they are kllers or rapists (when there was not enough evidence to convict them)? The "justice and truth" vigilantes?

While the "vigilantes" may not be as low as rapists, they are about the same as killers, IMO.

Wow, this topic has really taken a turn.

Yes, it has, indeed.
My fault ~ sorry ~ for taking it off-topic.
I'll start a new thread to continue this discussion.

'No Pity? No Mercy?'
http://www.wineintro.com/forum/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=343844&#Post343844

I try to buy new things for my hubbie, but he has a pretty decent sense of fashion. He's also very aware of hygiene, which I guess I'm very blessed with!

I'm the one he has problems with though. =P I'm so small and petite, so it's can be hard to find clothes that fit. Either they fit good but rise up with movements, showing off my undies or tattoo (hehe) or the jeans ride too low and the same problem occurs! He usually tags along behind me and drags up or down my clothes to be more appropriate.

Although I guess it's not too much my size, but just me not really caring. If it feels good to wear, I usually don't bother with the thought of how it might rise up when I move or bend over. This drives him nuts though. To which I can understand, but it's pretty hard to replace a whole wardrobe!

Yes, he does seem to have problems. I guess it is a cultural thing, though. And we all have our blind spots, or thing which trigger emotions.