RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Dating what do you people(women) want!

Wow cool book list PDM.

I never would have thought that a book could help with my emotions seeing as how complex we all are as people and it is one persons opinion. However you say it helped you understand your boys better so maybe they do work, I just may have to check some out.

OK ~ go ahead & we'll see what we can do!

I particularly found that misunderstandings were less likely to occur between me and my husband.

Just an example:

Say something has upset or annoyed the woman.
She tells her husband.
He wants to put things right.
She just wants a bit of sympathy and moral support.
He doesn't give it, because he's thinking of ways to solve the problem.
She gets upset, because he isn't giving her the sympathy & moral support that she craves.
He gets upset, because she isn't appreciating his attempts to solve the problem.
Both are feeling uncared for.
Neither is understanding the other's needs.

If something goes wrong for me now, I might say to my husband, something like, such and such has upset / annoyed me, but I am not asking you to do anything about it, except to give me a hug..

WOW! PDM

I definately get into a fight weekly with my bf over that same stupid thing! Were both very proud people, so when something upsets me or I want some affection, its hard for me to tell him that outright. I will end up sulking about it, and then he gets mad and says something the opposite of loving and affectionate, and then I get mad, all because I want a hug but I don't want to tell him I want a hug, I want him to just hug me because he wants to. (if that makes any sense)

Maybe when I tell him something upsets me in this way, he won't get all defensive and aggrivated trying to fix it, but he'll just give me my hug...

Have a look at Gray's Venus ~& Mars website ~ you might find it interesting:

http://home.marsvenus.com/

I guess sometimes you really do have to ask for what you want clearly.

I mean if the person cares for you , I guess it wouldn't make the hug less genuine , guys maybe just don't think that way.

Marge let me know early in our relationship that she doesn't do hints. If I think or want something, I need to say it.

But I don't hold her to that. If she needs my encouragement, she gets it.

And I think she does for me, also.

When you care, the "rules" are just guidelines.

I don't think that it is a case of no spontaneous hugs, it's more a case of knowing how one's comments are likely to be interpreted.

And it's not just a male / female absolute.

I have done personality tests, where I come out very 'male' in some of my ways, & I know that I react in this male way.

know I do it, so I should try to put my knowledge to some use, but being aware doesn't always make one realise what one should be doing. For example, a number of people, when they have problems, often come to me. Often, of course, I cannot solve the problem ~ and that is what I will say ~ but I really need to realise that often these people just need a shoulder to cry on and maybe a hug ~ rather than a solution.