RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Breaking Up Look at the mess i made..is there any hope for me?

I can definately relate to the OCD thing, and Jo, thanks for pointing this out:



I definately do this EVERY SINGLE TIME I get in an argument with my bf. And he always wants to go to sleep and have some peace and quiet. And then I feel like he doesn't care, like we should talk about the situation more, so that we can fix it. I didn't know that this also had to do with my OCD. WOW!

On another note, Rumpkin, I know that this is hard for your, but I agree 100% with Jo and PDM. It will hurt, and it will hurt for a while. But time heals these things. It may take months, or a year, or more. I know that I'm still not over my breakup with my husband, which was almost 1 year ago.

Another thing I would like to point out...last night, I was talking to my grandmother who is a very religious person. I was telling her about the fights that my bf and I have, and how I dont want to lose him but I can't keep myself from arguing with him and going over and over the fight. She said that she used to have the same problem with my grandfather, but that she learned a long time ago to pray for him while they are fighting. She said that if you pray for someone while you are arguing, you immeidately see the change come over them.

I dont know how religious I am or how much I beleive in God, but to me, this works (and it does work) not because God's hand reaches out of the sky and fixes the situation, but because the person who is feeling hurt and upset does not become angry and fuel the argument; rather, by praying, they become calm and more forgiving. When the other person sees that, the desire to argue goes away.

Again, Im not pushing religion on anyone, but maybe you should try this, if you talk to her again and she gets angry, or in other areas of your life. Maybe she will still get angry because, ad Jo said, she is immature and that is how she is expressing her feelings. But maybe, just maybe, this could help.

I hope I'm not ruffling any feathers here, so to speak.

I remember my parents telling me something similar.
They were arguing and Mum went upstairs and started to pray ~ and to 'talk to' their fathers, who had both died. She asked them to help. After this she felt better, but, without knowing what my Mum had done, my Dad said that he suddenly felt better too ~ and as if something strange were happening.
Then the argument was over as they discussed this strange occurrance.

I actually tried this last night, as skeptical as I was:

My bf and I were about to go to bed, and I asked him about his father. Really, the only thing I know about his father is that he was 30 years older than his mother when he was born, theat they split up since, and that he was not a nice man. I started to ask him if he knew where he was or if he thought he would ever talk to him again. He said he didnt know, but thought that he lived with his half sister. Basically, I started saying that now that he is older, maybe he should ry to talk to his dad, maybe his dad realized his mistakes and is sorry.

He got very quiet then, said, in an angry voice, "Dont EVER talk to me about that AGAIN."

I was very hurt and upset, but instead of questioning him like usual or getting angry, I prayed. And suddenly, he was calm, and he turned over and gave me a hug and a kiss and told me a funny story of something that happened that day to try to make me laugh. I was shocked.

Who knows, maybe God does put the other person at peace, too.

Interesting!

Yes, interesting. Both about the prayers, and about the OCD.

I tend to want to analyze, also, and don't really feel "settled" until I can understand what happened. I would think that the other person must not understand my thinking, since I knew that I meant them no harm, and was being myself. And I wanted us to be okay. And I've always hated feeling "abandoned."

Being on this discussion board (and some others) have helped me to learn that the person may not ever really understand you (or you, them, for that matter). And it may be that all you can do is disagree and move on.

I'm not really talking about romance and relationships, but I would guess it applies there, as well.

Kind of like one person being used to closeness in a family and the other not - different "comfort zones." And so closeness might make one uncomfortable, and inspire events to restore distance (like arguments).

I may not be on target on helping here. But I felt the need to chime in.

Me too. Very much so. I sometimes have to make myself just let something go.
Yes, but I think that people can take what is helpful to them.
Our musings may be at a tangent, but I think that they are relevant, and I hope that they might be helpful.