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#347539 01/18/09 11:02 PM
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rich89 Offline OP
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Hey everyone! First of all I'm new to the forum. laugh

What I would like to know is how to rebuild friendship. Because there is this girl I've know since sept 2007, and I've always liked her. You will see on the "Does He / She Like Me" personal love advice about some of the signs I've been getting. I've always felt very close to her and there was some form of connection between us. Even her ex bf thought there was something between us with the looks he use to give me. When she was with him and when she was single she use to be really chatty to everyone me and other lads, but since she started seeing this lad she has started to change from once a chatty, friendly girl to someone that will just chat to other girls, It's like shes scared to chat to other people and she would end the converstation. When ever I ask if she wants to hang out she would say I'll have to ask ( bfs name ) or I'll talk to ( bfs name ). I just don't know what to do because I miss her friendship dearly I use to really enjoy chatting to her now. Do you think she would go back to her old self once shes split with her bf? Soz about it being so long.

Cheers laugh

Last edited by rich89; 01/18/09 11:02 PM.
rich89 #347543 01/18/09 11:38 PM
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Welcome to the forum:

If what you are really wanting to do is be friends - then you could ask her and her boyfriend to double date with you and someone. Or you could have a social get together and invite some other friends and this girl and her boyfriend.

It sounds like she if trying to please her new boyfriend by not giving the appearance of being interested in someone else.


Last edited by BLR; 01/18/09 11:42 PM.
BLR #347549 01/19/09 01:00 AM
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rich89 Offline OP
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Cheers

Yeah, I would like to be good friends with her like we were a while back and maybe more. At work we are arranging to go bowling sometime soon, so I'm gonna invite her and she can bring her bf if she wants, and the the place is pretty much up the road from her.

Do you think she could be trying to please him? She also has to tell him where shes goin even when they are at college and shes just going up stairs.

rich89 #347552 01/19/09 02:39 AM
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is it "where ya goin" rather that "don't go anyplace without telling me"

My husband and I do that a lot - he will get up and start out of the room and will ask him where is he going. Don't know why because I know he is not going far.

BLR #347585 01/19/09 08:38 AM
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Hi Rich & welcome smile

I agree with BLR.

The new boyfriend may be a bit controlling, or it may just be that they want to please each other and know where the other one is all the time because of closeness and the intensity of a new relationship.

You said something very telling: 'I would like to be good friends with her like we were a while back and maybe more.'

I'm guessing that the girl knows about the 'and maybe more' bit.
Her boyfriend might have noticed, too.

You see, you are saying that you want friendship ~ but 'maybe' you actually want 'more' than friendship.
And maybe, as she now has a boyfriend, she is wary of this.

She may be trying to let you down gently by constantly referring to her boyfriend ~ so that you get the message that she is now taken.

You can certainly ask her, or them, to join in group activities, but don't be surprised, or upset, if she declines, or if she arrives, but appears to be very close to the other boy.

Take care smile


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
PDM #347588 01/19/09 01:03 PM
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rich89 Offline OP
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I'm not 100% sure he is controlling but its the stuff she says like having to ask his permission, and her dropping her male friends. Well really how different she seems, now shes with him.

Yea she did or still does know I'm interested in her. I do believe the feeling was mutual when she did have her ex and when she was single.

But failing that I would like to become good friends again. Its just I don't know where to start anymore, because if and when she does split. I would like to be able to be there for her and hang around with her or even take her to the cinema or what ever.

Soz I'm not making any sence with this

laugh

rich89 #347606 01/19/09 04:03 PM
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Rich, You cannot just wait for her to split from him, pretending that you are willing to accept just friendship.

She knows how you feel.
She has a boyfriend.
She has made her choice.

Maybe, somewhere down the line, you will have a relationship with her again ~ it could be friendship or it could be romance. For now, though, she has a boyfriend, and you have to accept that she will spend a lot of time with him.

If you want to be friends, then just be friendly. Smile. Say hello. But do not expect anything more.

Before I met my husband, I was friendly with one of the local lads. I spent quite a lot of time with him. We went to the youth club together, went for walks, etc, etc. My female friends didn't really like him hanging around, but I got on well with him. He asked me out several times ~ so I know how he felt ~ but I was only willing to be friends & he knew that.

When I started going out with the boyfriend-who-became-my-husband he wondered if there might have been something more between me and this boy, but there never was and there never would be.

I still regarded him as a friend and was friendly when I bumped into him. I wouldn't have gone to the cinema with him ~ not while I was dating someone else.

You might be in a similar position to him, here.
Don't give up hope ~ but don't just wait for them to split up.

Go out and enjoy yourself with your other friends ~ or find a new hobby and make new friends.

Good luck smile

Last edited by PDM; 01/19/09 04:06 PM.

"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
PDM #347615 01/19/09 05:25 PM
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rich89 Offline OP
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Yeah, thats tru. I'm not gonna give up hope, and i'm not gonna really wait for them to split.

I do wanna be friends with her, like how it use to be. But i guess for that she will have to split with him. Shes so different while shes with him, like at college she wouldn't always be looking happy, and she would be really different when hes not around. I've just got feeling about him.

rich89 #347648 01/19/09 06:27 PM
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Well, he may not be right for her.
If he's not, then hopefully she will find out sooner rather than later.
In that case, she may well need a good friend like you. smile


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
PDM #347852 01/20/09 02:18 PM
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rich89 Offline OP
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Yea, thats true. Its best to let her find out rather than me or who ever telling her.

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