RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Does He/She Like Me? He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals

So this whole thing started in summer 07 when I started my job at a company that shall go unnamed. Anyway I didn't like him at first but then I realized he was a cool guy and we became office friends ( meaning I didn't have his phone number or his email) but then I started liking him the last like 3 months of me working there. Our whole friendship was an odd dynamic because even though we were friends we treated each other like we hated each other. Even though he's like 5 years older than me we joked and teased each other good naturedly and he even made a nick name up for me which I pretended to hate but actually liked. The people we worked the closest with started teasing us about liking each other but I always denied it with a smile. Which was such a huge lie. lol And he never said anything when they teased us. One of his closest friends came into an area where him and I were working one day and said that he needed a girlfriend and then went about telling him the kind of girl that would be prefect for him and then asked me a question that made me wonder if she was trying to include me in the conversation.

Anyway at a company party, a few days before my last day of work there he came and sat beside me and his friend was smiling at us with this big grin but didn't say anything. Anyway when I left I gave everyone I talked to my contact info including him. I emailed him a few times and he always emailed back but he never emailed me first or called. So a few months after I had left, I emailed him (I know not the best way but I had no other way of contacting him) and told him I liked him. He said he was glad to hear from me and was flattered and that he respected our friendship. He didn't say anything else.

So we saw each other again almost 8 months later when I came back to start working there after I got settled in school. The first week we were being completely nice to each other because I think we were both scared of what the other was thinking or whatever. That quickly changed. Our relationship settled back into the teasing and picking fun of each other and he even started calling me the nickname he had made up for me by the second week. One time I was talking to him, teasing him about something and usually he's fast about making a quick comeback but he seemed to forget that he was suppose to be saying something and his eyes seemed different. Till this day I'm still wondering if I was imaging things. Anyway we always seem to run into each other at lunch, I'd be getting ready to go---because I went to school and he'd be coming in for lunch. We'd talk and he'd ask about my family and he'd asked me about how I viewed certain relationship actions or whatever i.e. fidelity. Anyway though I had planned on staying on with the company the company couldn't keep me on because the work was slow but I was still invited to the annual party at the end of the year. So I told him about this and being the good guy he is he was concerned about what I would do after or whatever. So I told him I was still going to the party.

So Anyway at the party I notice he isn't sitting with his crowd of friends, which normally at company functions he is. So one of my friends was sitting at the table he was sitting at so I sat down at that table as well. When a couple of my co-workers wanted me to go outside I agreed and as I walking by him I noticed his eyes followed me so when I looked back I noticed he was checking me out. So I smile to myself and go outside and then come back and sit down next to my friend. What threw me off the whole night and left me flailing at his attempts to start conversation was what my friend told me in the beginning of the night. My friend came with a friend from the office and she thought her friend liked the guy I liked and she thought he might like her as well. I was inclined to agree because the guy I like was originally sitting at the end of the table on the same side as me but when my friend's friend asked him to come sit next to her, which happened to be the seat located across from me at the table, he did. Well he didn't sit right next to her he put his jacket on the chair next to her and sat in the chair beside it but he was still across from me. That had me off kilter all night because I was still unsure if he was liking me or not but I was leaning more towards that maybe he did but then it felt like I was getting proof that he didn't. She seemed to always be trying to start conversations with him and he always answered her in this teasing way. So I noticed he was flirting with her. So anytime he tried to joke and start conversations with me I wasn't my usual quick response retort self and just smiled or smirked and said one word answers. And then when he learned forward and looked me right in my eyes I couldn't keep his eyes long because I was scared he would see I liked him when he obviously liked her so I avoided contact most of the night. I don't know why I asked but I asked if he had been outside and He said no and then asked if I wanted to go outside and I said sure AND invited the whole table. I still don't know why I did that. When we finally did go outside he was standing really close to me. I'm still trying to figure out if he was always that close or did I move or what. That was the maximum of our contact for that night. That doubt was planted in me and it just grew till the end of night where I felt like xxxx and was convinced he didn't like me and barely said good bye to him. We still talk via email. But I always email him first and then he responds.

What do you think?

Welcome to the forum

Just bite the bullet and ask him to go to coffee, a drink, a bite to eat. His response will tell you volumns. That was what I asked my flight instructor when I found myself really liking what I saw. He said he had to take a rain check because he was busy that night. WELLLLL he called me back a couple of days later and said he wanted to cash that rain check.

We have been married now for 20+ years.

btw - he is probably thinking you are sending mixed signals.

Thank you for responding. Okay that's interesting. I'll take that. But why do you think he might be thinking I'm sending mixed signals when I've clearly told him I like him?

Well when you asked the whole table to go outside. I would take that as a pull back.

The fact that you got pretty much toung (sp) tied when he talked with you at the party.

You know what was going on in your mind but he didn't. Also the fact that you would not look into his eyes. He was making a direct move and you side stepped. Like I said you know why you did it but he doesn't.

I guess I can see from his stand point that maybe he perceived my actions as pulling away but I mean I did tell him I like him. Unless he thinks my feelings have changed in that time. Ugh! Who knows. Thanks for taking time to try and help me.

Hi ~ welcome Elle

I must admit, his response to you telling him you liked him seems a bit odd, if he is interested in you romantically:

'He said he was glad to hear from me and was flattered and that he respected our friendship. He didn't say anything else.'

You say that he is five years older than you ~ and you mention working there and being at school (I'm guessing that means college rather than an actual school). I wonder if it's something to do with your ages. Could he be worried about being seen as a 'cradle snatcher' perhaps??

I know I was thinking the same thing about his email. It made me think that maybe I had been thinking this all in my head but there was just stuff I would catch him doing and people telling me he was doing like staring at me from across the room and my co-workers telling me that he would always look at me as he left the room or the way he ALWAYS found something to pick on me about regarding work. And he asked me if I thought a new co-worker was attractive. I don't know, it still confuses me. I'm starting to think that maybe I want him to like me so much that I'm putting my wants off on him. Talk about unfair.

Well when I first started working there I was 19, starting my first year of college and he was 24. Now I am 20, about to be 21 and he is 25. To me I don't see it as THAT big an age difference but maybe he does.

It doesn't seem like a particularly big age difference ~ no.

Maybe he's just not 100% sure how you feel about him.

After all, I really 'like' a lot of people ~ it doesn't mean that I want to date them!

Maybe you need to clarify, to him, just exactly what you mean by 'like' and see, then, if he 'likes' you back!

It took alot for me to put my self out there the first time because though I am a confident person, guys I like are my Kryptonite and although I didn't get the response I wanted I was able to dust myself off and be mature about it and still be friends with him. I just feel as though if I am able to put myself out there for him even when I wasn't sure of his feelings or his reaction he should be willing to do the same for me. So even if he does like me, maybe he doesn't like me enough to tell me how he feels and risk being rejected.