RomanceClass Forum Logo
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 5 1 2 3 4 5
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5,173
Silver Star Soulmate
Offline
Silver Star Soulmate
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5,173
You're certainly welcome. It's good that you think about it and what it means to you, and your responsibility in loving, and being loved.

All contracts and all religious ceremonies aside, the bottom line is still that you pledge your love to another and trust that person to love you.

When the pledge is broken and the trust gone, no contract nor religious ceremony can restore them. The pledge can be renewed and the trust might (notice I said "might") be rebuilt at least in part. But it still takes love that is worked at.

I happen to think it is much easier when there is romantic love and sexual attraction. And if you are very fortunate, you either share a lot of interests and likes and dislikes, or you can complement one another well. If you are too dissimilar, and unwilling to compromise, clashes will come. And if the relationship is not codependent, it will not survive.

But if it is codependent, it kind of dies on the vine, so to speak.

So, I say develop your interests and your life. When you meet someone who stirs your very soul, speak your heart. And if you both speak your heart honestly and transparently and decide to pledge your troth (with or without a marriage), then you can decide if marriage is for you.

I think it is a wonderful thing that should be available to anyone. But I also think it should be something done fully intending to make it a lifetime of commitment.

Don't be hopeless, Joe. Be hopeful. There's plenty of good people. I talk to them all the time.


Marge is the love of my life.
Carl #332600 10/18/08 01:44 PM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
PDM Offline
True Blue Soulmate
Offline
True Blue Soulmate
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
Originally Posted By: Carl
... the bottom line is still that you pledge your love to another and trust that person to love you.
True.

Quote:
I happen to think it is much easier when there is romantic love and sexual attraction. And if you are very fortunate, you either share a lot of interests and likes and dislikes, or you can complement one another well.
I agree.
Quote:
develop your interests and your life. When you meet someone who stirs your very soul, speak your heart. And if you both speak your heart honestly and transparently and decide to pledge your troth (with or without a marriage), then you can decide if marriage is for you.

Well said.

Quote:
Don't be hopeless, Joe. Be hopeful. There's plenty of good people. I talk to them all the time.
Absolutely!
I agree Carl.


Good luck, Joe!


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
PDM #332610 10/18/08 02:39 PM
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5,173
Silver Star Soulmate
Offline
Silver Star Soulmate
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5,173
smile blush smile


Marge is the love of my life.
Carl #388055 11/05/09 05:25 AM
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,795
J
Best Friend
Offline
Best Friend
J
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,795
I married for love, but also learned that is really not enough. It's hard to be married to someone in whom you cannot really share your main life interests. It makes me sad and also makes me wonder if I should move on. Is it better to have someone to love and love you, but not have a companion for your favorite activities?

jilly #388108 11/05/09 07:27 AM
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,019
Platinum Star Soulmate
Offline
Platinum Star Soulmate
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,019
I think an important concept here is that we don't have to love just one person. I'm not talking about Big Love style multiple-wives. But I am saying that a person can have multiple interests and that is natural. Say I love mountain biking. Say my husband hates mountain biking. I can still have another friend - who I care for deeply, maybe even call it love, who I mountain bike with. My husband is there to raise a family with, and when he goes off to play darts, I have a friend to mountain bike with.

Part of the key of a successful long term relationship, I think, is to have that network of friends established. If you rely just on your spouse to fulfill every single need of yours, that is a huge burden to put on any one person.


Lisa Shea, Owner
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,795
J
Best Friend
Offline
Best Friend
J
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,795
But ah, I raise no family. I have nothing to actually *do* with my mate. He doesn't even like my dogs, he hates the RV, he can't go out into the sun or travel anywhere sunny, he can't go boating or climbing, we don't cook or eat together, he won't do yoga, he has no interest in my interests and i have none in his...all we can do together is watch movies and talk about sci fi. That is just not enough to keep my interest and it isn't good enough for him, either.

Last edited by jilly; 11/05/09 07:40 AM.
jilly #388133 11/05/09 09:22 AM
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,019
Platinum Star Soulmate
Offline
Platinum Star Soulmate
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,019
That is definitely something to ponder. There does need to be some sort of a common bond. In theoretical terms, if you were married to a person that you never talked with, for example, what sort of a marriage would that be? If you slept in the same bed but otherwise never really spent time with each other?


Lisa Shea, Owner
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,795
J
Best Friend
Offline
Best Friend
J
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,795
Well, it's kind of like being roommates. I do like having someone to be around though - to not be totally alone as I have been for the last six months with my hubby across the country.

Last edited by jilly; 11/05/09 09:45 AM.
jilly #388144 11/05/09 09:50 AM
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,019
Platinum Star Soulmate
Offline
Platinum Star Soulmate
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,019
I do understand that completely, I definitely prefer having someone around to talk with, spend time with, share ideas with. I like to be held.

I wouldn't advocate being all alone. I would cautiously advocate being with someone who you actively enjoy doing things with, and maybe there is a way you can find common ground when you get together and build that set of interests.

It doesn't have to be non-stop. Bob plays golf, I don't play well enough to play with him. So he'll go out all day long to play golf while I work. But then we'll do things together when he gets home. So he definitely has outside interests. But we do share interests.


Lisa Shea, Owner
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,795
J
Best Friend
Offline
Best Friend
J
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,795
I guess dan and I need to give serious conversation to finding mutual activities we like. He doesn't like wine or drinking anything, he isn't really into cooking, or eating out. He eats his cereal for dinner over his keyboard. Not so fun for me. So no meals together. No going out together in the evening either.

He likes computer games and xbox games and I don't.

he likes Football and I don't.

I am not going to make myself like these things. It doesn't work.

We both enjoy watching different science fiction series' on tv at night, but that is really our only activity together.

We don't play board games. I like puzzles and we tried that for a while, but it fizzled out.

Any ideas? What sorts of things do married couples do together besides raise kids, talk about kids, or have meals together?

Page 2 of 5 1 2 3 4 5

Moderated by  Lisa Shea 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Latest Posts
Avoid Ghosting a Person
by Lisa Shea - 11/11/21 06:22 PM
Go To A Museum
by Lisa Shea - 11/11/21 06:17 PM
In Sickness and in Health
by Lisa Shea - 11/11/21 05:05 AM
i like my ex's friend
by Lisa Shea - 11/11/21 05:03 AM
Getting Closer to a Sibling
by Lisa Shea - 11/11/21 04:59 AM
Daily Yoga
by Lisa Shea - 11/11/21 04:54 AM
Privacy
This forum uses cookies to ensure smooth navigation from page to page of a thread. If you choose to register and provide your email, that email is solely used to get your password to you. Nothing else. Ask with any questions!
Forum Areas
Non-Romance Relationships
Does He/She Like Me?
Dating
Long Term Partners
Breaking Up
Health and Exercise
Organizing and Cleaning
Stress Reduction

Newsletter
Forum Guidelines
This forum takes web safety issues very seriously. Please make sure you have read and understood our Forum Guidelines before posting.
Advertising
Support Our Friends
The Animal Rescue Site
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5