RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Dating total mess

I have this friend and she is bisexual (like me) and we both like each other but i have a boyfriend and she has a girlfriend and we are just friends but thats not what everybody thinks they think that we are cheating on our other with each other

I don't know what to do. I love her and she loves me to but everything is just a big mess what should i do?!?

Hi lamf10 & welcome.

All you need to do is ignore the people who are making these wild assumptions and even wilder accusations.

You know that your relationship with this friend is innocent friendship.

I assume that she knows it, too, and that both partners know all about it.

Provided everything is truthful & in the open, between the four parties involved ~ the ones who count ~ and that you all know the truth, and trust each other, then it is nobody's business but yours.

There is no need for this to be a mess, if you simply ignore those people who are not involved.

I suppose, if they are parents, perhaps, then you might be understandably upset. Are they?
If so, just try to explain to them that you are not a cheat and that you would appreciate their support in this.

Good luck!

Hi lamf10! I'd agree with PDM. It's no one else's business. I know it can be hard when a circle of friends is judgmental. Unfortunately, life ends up like that again and again over time. It is a good life skill to learn to live with integrity on your own terms and to hold your own head high, in spite of what others might think/say.

OK yeah i keep telling them its not any of their business and that i'm doing nothing wrong. Yeah everything is out in the open and there are no secrets. I have been ignoring everything that they say because I know its not true. her girlfriend and my boyfriend know that we are just friends and that we will always be friends. Even if they aren't in it. Anyways THANX FOR THE ADVICE! thank you PDM and JILLY.

Now all you have to do is believe that it is none of their business.

If you truly believed that, then you wouldn't think that you were in a 'total mess'.
And if they truly knew that you believed it, then they would probably get bored with it & leave you, & the subject, alone.

You know that all is well, so hold your head up, believe it and stop taking the bait!

Don't react.
Change the subject ~ be ready, with something interesting to impart.

im not bi so i dnt know wat the pressure is like. u say u r dating only ur bf and ur friends shuld believe you. If they dnt they arent good friends. If you do happen to kindle more feelings for your friend...then tell ur bf so u dnt lead him on u kno????

ok ur not bi i really appreciate the response. yeah im only dating my bf and he is alrite now with what's going on i told him everything and he really didin't say much but he said ok as long as nothing is going down and i said no. we are trying to keep a friendship relationship first and not a girl friend- girl friend relationship. we know how we feel and are just leaving it at that.

Hi

You ask what you should do, but what do you want or need to do?

You have both split from your exes and you are now together.
You are not two-timing anyone and you are where you want to be, presumably??? So all's well ~ isn't it?

But do read over the above posts and really think about all of this and whether you really are now where you want to be.

Back then you said:


Now your boyfriend has ended your relationship; you are with the girl who was just a friend; her girlfriend has ended their relationship; your boyfriend wants you back; both exes are 'HATING ON' you.

Do you think that both exes are angry because they feel that they were treated badly?
Do they think that you both lied to them?
Did you both lie to them?
Or did the relationship change after the exes finished the relationships?
In that case, why did they end them?

Do you want to be with the girl, or with the boy?
Do you want to stay with the girl, but put things right with the boy?
Do you want it the way it was ~ having both?

Are you being completely honest about all this ~ with the girl, with the boy ~ and with yourself??

Good luck!

Hello

i know what i want and that is to be happy.

yes we have both slpit from our ex's.
and i am ONLY with her. everything is not really ok.

i have re-read all of the previous posted remarks and i have thought about this day and night.trust me. when i was with my boyfriend all i wanted was to be happy with him. but he didn't want that anymore so i have let that go but i don't think he has cause he is causing problems. now that i have moved on i am happy now, now tha im with her.im sure this is where i want to be.

yes. my boyfriend has ended our relationship. yes, i am with the girl that WAS just a friend (not any more). yes, her girlfriend has ended thier relationship. yes he does but i know that he only wants me back because i'm with her now and have moved on.
yes, now both of our exes are hating on me because i am with her. my ex says that she stole me from him. and her ex says that i stole her from her. but when we hung out we were naver alone, we were always with our friends.

i know that for sure my ex wasn't treated badly. her ex i know for a fact that she wasn't treated badly cause she had her wrapped around her finger.

yeah they both think that we both lied to them. but we have told them that nothing was going on and nothing was going on at the time. until our exes broke up with us.and we were done.

no we didn't lie to them. we have told them the truth all the way through.

yes the relationship changed after the exes ended the relationship between the two of us. we wstarted to hang out more often and easly had a connection.after that everything just fell into place.

the way my relationship ended is that one of my homies told me that they had seen him at the store with another girl. And i said yeah, ok? and she said that they didn't look like just friends they were acting like a couple. i later asked him about the fling that was going on at the store and he started an arguement and said it was true that he was also with another girl and said that he was done and i let it be at that.

the way her relationship broke up with her is that her girlfriend just came up to her one day and said that is was over. she started to get mad and wanted to fight me and i said ok that this needed to end and so we did but my homeboy pulled me off of her.

i want to be someone who makes me happy. iwant to be with her and to make things right with him and maybe still be homies with him.

what do you mean "having both?"
i am completely being honest about the whole thing. i am being honest with her and being honest with him (thats if he can except what isgoing on). i am i being honest with myself? that is one that still needs work about how i feel about both of them.

If you two were the ones who were dumped then the dumpers have NO RIGHT to be upset that you are happy now.

It sounds like they expected you to mope, to wallow, and to pine away once you were "no longer blessed with their presence".

That type of behavior really bugs me a lot

They broke off the relationship. They made that decision. They cannot now make judgments about how you choose to live your life once they cut you loose.

I guess I don't get what you need to "make right" with him? He was cheating on you! Just forget about him, move on with your new relationship. He obviously isnt trustworthy, why would you even want to be "homies" with him. It doesnt even make sense to me unless you are just wanting drama in your life. Move on. I doubt your new gf is really excited about you being "homies' with your ex. You are creating problems for yourself in my opinion. Enjoy your new relationship and let the past be the past.

that is exactly right! it is no longer any of their business what happens between me and her. that is what we keep trying to get them to understand but they just don't seem to get it.

YES, that is what they expect from us but we won't give them the satisfaction that they think that they deserve.

to be completely honest that behavior really bothers me too. i can't stand people who are like that.

you are right they can't make a judgement on me because they are no longer associated with me. they are the ones that made that decision and now they got what they wanted.

ok yeah your right that i should just let it go. and i will. yeah i don't any of the drama. i want out of the drama. yeah i will just let him go and i don't want to start my relationship with her a bad one. ok he is offically cut loose.

I apologize if my choice of words was a little strong. I was trying to make the point that you guys were the injured parties here, that they were doing something serious and harsh. That if anyone should be complaining at this point, it should NOT be them.

lisa shea your choice of words weren't too strong. all of what you have said is exactly true. you don't have to aplogize for the truth.

Yes, in the circumstances that you describe, I would agree that it would be best to put the past in the past and move on.

If you & your girl were doing nothing wrong, and your exes finished with you, and you are now happily together, then that's it.

Good luck!

I'm curious how this is working out. Has the turmoil surrounding the situation quieted down?

Um...everything is alright. We still have problems with them but they are starting to get the picture that we don't care what they got to say. We are tending to us and not them I have decided to let it go...to whatever they said or have done to make problems for me and my girlfriend. What we have had with them is in the past! and will always be in the past and will never be the same. Over all eveything is going alright, we are happy and enjoying our time with each other.

That's good.

Yeah i guess.

I'm curious how things are going with the relationship? Often when you "rebound" it is a good transition but it doesn't last long. Did your rebound serve its purpose and then fade, or is it still going strong?

sorry havent' responded in a while. update: we are stll togther and still going strong. things have changed though my mom kicked me out of her house so now i stay with my girlfriend and her family. the relationship between us is still strong and is going good we have our days like every other couple but in the end are still together.

It's good to hear that you are still together, but I am sorry to hear about the state of affairs with your Mum. That must be very difficult for you.

yeah she told me not to go back unless i was done with my girlfriend. and i quit being bi. my other family is alrite with it except her. i don't know how to get her to except me for who i am, i can't change who i am.

Hello lamf10

It's good that others accept you, but sad that your Mum finds this too difficult. Maybe she just needs time to adjust. I wonder if it's a religious things. I know that some parents find it hard on that account. Many do come around though. Mother-child love is usually very strong and conquers all in the end.

Of course, there are a number of people who believe that sexual orintation is a choice, rather than simply being the way one is. Perhaps someone else ~ whom you both trust ~ could try to explain the way that this really works. It can be very confusing for those who do not understand.

Plus, of course, most Mums are concerned that, if their kids do not follow 'the norm', that they could endure problems long term with society ~ and, also, not provide them with grandchildren!

So, I tend to think that even the most accepting of parents might be concerned, in some way, about their children having non-traditional relationships. I hope that you can sort this out though. Good luck with it

Yeah hopefully she will come around to the idea of who I am. Yeah she was always bugging me with the question "When am I getting more grandkids?" when I was with a guy and I always told her to be happy that she don't have any now and she knew what I meant by that.

Good luck with everything

Thanks maybe something will work out. I'll be sure to keep you posted.