RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Breaking Up Cheating partners

I think when we're speaking of married folks, we're talking about a different animal.

I agree, Victor. When one is looking outside the marriage for "validation," then something is wrong with the marriage, but more importantly, something is wrong with the person.

I had a lot of growing up, and changing attitudes and learning some self-discipline, and coming to love myself, before I was ready to meet Marge.

Sorry Carl...I disagree with you on this one.

M

Again, I agree w/you 100% victor. And Carl. Sorry Mark, I guess you disagree w/me too. Like I said before, there IS such a thing as emotional affairs & they can be just as harmful, if not more, than physical affairs. B/C you're dealing w/people's hearts.

This couldn't be further from the truth.

OK if Carl, MrsJF and I all agree, then it must be so.

Just curious Mark, when you wrote:
...what did you mean by that? What is the difference? I've been married so long now that I think I fail to see the difference between married and unmarried partners. And if there is a difference - between the "married" and "unmarried" partners - when does "it" change? Certainly not on the wedding day.. or does it?

I asked this before but I'll ask it again because it's something I notice alot.Why is it that it often seems so much more 'acceptable' for a woman to see another man or leave her marriage for another or to start up a new relationship soon after a split than for a man to do so? If she leaves him its 'well she deserved better' or ' she's better off without him' etc etc. Yet when he leaves its 'how selfish of him?' or ' that poor woman , how could he?' or 'I'll bet he was cheating on her' etc etc. Why? Are men not as entitled to happiness as women?

Personally, I think it would depend on the individual people.

Really, of course, we should just mind our own business and offer a shoulder where necessary.

Victor wrote:

Just curious Mark, when you wrote:

quote:
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I think when we're speaking of married folks, we're talking about a different animal.
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...what did you mean by that? What is the difference? I've been married so long now that I think I fail to see the difference between married and unmarried partners. And if there is a difference - between the "married" and "unmarried" partners - when does "it" change? Certainly not on the wedding day.. or does it?

Well...what I mean by that in the context of my original answer was that the couple PDM was talking about were young (in thier early 20's) and probably together for not really a long time. When you are married for a while (say 10 - 15 years or more, you are more apt to realize that you have changed in many ways since you were first wed, and that may lead to dissatisfaction in your relationship in some ways. Or perhaps a feeling of wanting to experience something new.

It isn't uncommon for people to have needs that a spouce cannot adequately satisfy. And I'm not just talking about sex.

Suppose, for instance, that after 15 years of marriage you are no longer the same person you were intellectually as you were when you got married. And suppose further, that you met someone of the opposite sex who had some of the same passions and intellectual interests as you. There could be a possibility of things developing there, right?

I feel that some of these changes in the individual can take some time to come about. It can happen to any couple living together for a long time, married or not.

Does that make sense?

From Argyll:
Yes, I can see that. And it is a sad scenario, but probably not uncommon. To me, that is the story of 2 people who have fallen out of love. In that particular instance - if 2 people are truly no longer in love, or no longer share the same hopes and vision of the future, then I would not advocate staying together just for the sake of staying together... or "for the kids" for that matter. That is probably why many people get divorced, and it is depressing.
Although it could happen to anyone - I tend to think that it happens to people who had some tragic flaw with the marriage to begin with. That's just a guess on my part - but it seems like there must have been some difference or lack of something that the couple was willing to overlook initially, and then that little something just got bigger and bigger. Or, perhaps, the couple got married for some superficial reasons or conveniences without thinking through the long term compatability. Of course, its possible for people to just grow apart - but most day to day differences can be worked out by committed compatible partners.

Nonetheless - now I think we are talking about 2 different animals. One is a couple that has fallen out of love and does not see a future together. Answer = Divorce. NOT CHEATING.
The other scenario - of the cheating partner - has more to do with a couple that probably still loves each other, has no real intention for divorce, and yet somebody has a secret affair - for lust, adventure, boredom, or even ideas of "love" for another - yet they really don't want to give up their partner. To me - that is lack of self control, and if you love your partner, and are committed to your partner, you should not allow yourself to go down that pathway at all. You'd stop it before it got that far.

Back at ya: Does that make sense?

Makes sense to me. If they're doing it for excitment or an adventure, shows how little they respect their partner.

Seen this happen with a few guys I know - particularly when they holiday in the Philippines. Their ego gets a full shot when they find themselves surrounded by young girls that charge less than a cup of coffee, too bad they don't stop to think of the serious diseases over there.