Since there is not a marriage topic I thought that this was a good section. Move it off if it is not.

My husband and I have been married almost 4 years. I am a somewhat light to moderate sleeper. If I am awakened by something it takes me quite a while to get back to sleep.
My husband is the human whale. You know how whale comes up out of the water and dives back down? Well this is how he turns over at night. He also talks and screams (yes screams)in his sleep. He has very active dreams.
There are weeks where this will happen night after night and I get only about 3 hours of sleep a night. I get exhausted and my work and health suffers.
I have suggested that sleeping apart a couple of nights would help me tremendously. But he thinks that a married couple that doesnt sleep together has problems and that we should always be together. I just want some rest and for the dark circles under my eyes to go away.
How on earth can I convince this man that it is not hurting our marriage to sleep apart and that it is normal (if it is)?
Does anyone else struggle with this?

Would it help to get a different bed? My boyfriend's bed is one of those nova foam beds where if one person moves, the other doesn't feel it. We don't really have problems with movement, we differ in temperatures. He is always hot and I am always cold. That has been our biggest issue with sleep thus far. He sleeps with a small fan on him and we make sure it doesn't get near me or I will freeze.

what about those temprepedic beds that supposedly you can jump on and not spill a glass of wine? haha.

it'd be worth a try, but I know they're a bit pricey.

Well we have been married 40 years and yes still like each other.
My husband snores like crazy and I'm a very light sleeper as well so I finally started sleeping in another room as it was hard to function at work with no sleep. Well I'm no longer working but still have trouble sleeping. We did get a king size temperpedic bed (really really comfy) his snoring is not as bad and I can actually sleep in the same bed now. Still sleep sometimes in the other room on nights that I have trouble sleeping usually watch tv all night in the other room when I can't sleep. But if you can aford it it's a great bed and if you have the room get a king!!!

Well we do sleep apart at least once a week.
Its just convincing him that it is normal. I am working on getting a bigger bed. I am just so tired. I live with black circles most of the time.

Ear plugs maybe? And I agree with a different bed that doesn't shift the vibrations of moving.

Ear plugs might be a bit too uncomfortable for some pple, well at least for me...My bf snores real loud sometimes too when he comes over & I could only get a few hours of sleep like you too. Maybe you can sleep in a separate bed, could be in the same room but a little far away? Tell him that it's not like you always sleep apart all the time...it's just for your health in a long run...

make him sleep on the sofa!!!
lol!!!!
j/k~

I heard there are some earplugs that block out all sounds, and i heard that they're pretty comfortable too.
it's shaped like circle pom-poms that are really fluffy and firt right in your ear
:]

hehe. earplugs. There are some real comfy-looking earplugs I sometimes see security guards wear at concerts.

Ear plugs are a life saver!!!! I would have killed for ear plugs when I was younger and tried to fall asleep listening to my husband snore.

If Andy snores loud enough to wake me I give him a little shove to move him to a position where he doesn't snore. Haha.

I actually wear earplugs all the time. But it does not help when he wakes up screaming from bad dreams or when he twitches and flops alot.
We sometimes sleep apart and it is getting better. But we always have the same arguement about it being normal to do so.

I also think that he needs to see someone about these dreams that he has. They are really scary and he wakes up screaming.

Whoa...that is tough!!! My sister only talks in her sleep and it already scares me enough, I even had to answer her sometimes crying out loud lol...

I think seeing someone about those bad dreams is a good idea. Not only does it affects you but it makes him tired too I guess. I have lots of bad dreams also & I think that's why I feel very sluggish when I wake up.

I agree that there may be something underlying in his dreams that he needs to see someone about.

I was watching a program on tv once that the husband was choking his wife in his sleep he thought he was fighting with a deer. I know my dad gets pretty wild in his sleep he says sometimes he dreams of fighting with people my mom has seperate bed because of it.
Also check into sleep apena (stop breathing in your sleep sometimes really bad snoring if a symptom)

That could be the problem prettybird. He does fight things in his sleep. I cannot touch him at all to wake him or it is worse. Sometimes it is funny. He had a dream where he was hitting the sheets and yelling "get them". I asked what I need to get and he replied.. "Squirrels, they are everywhere!"

It is just convincing him that it is ok to go and get it fixed.

I know a friend of ours had sleep apnea really bad and it took years of us all talking to him before he finally went to the doctor now he wishes he would have went sooner and even talks to others to get them to go get tested.
The squirrels are hilarious I had to laugh at that one.

I know almost exactly what you are going through Val. We have a small bed (Praying for a king sized one when we get a house!) and Scott is like an oven. He claims he is always cold, but he gives off so much heat I dont know how on earth he can be cold! I, on the other hand, am always dying of heat and want windows open and fans on! I can also not sleep if there isnt some sort of white noise in the background (fan, etc) Scott snores like a bear, and he has sleep apnea... Which I cant understand cuz hes not overweight at all, or a smoker, and hes only 23! It drives me literally INSANE at night... I finally give up and move to the couch (which is quite comfy!) I wish I didnt have to do that, but earplugs just dont work for me and I have to have sleep or else I dont function.

If I am lucky he will fall asleep on the couch watching tv and then I can go to bed and fall asleep. When he eventually wanders in I dont wake up and he can snore his heart out.

Just tell your husband that there is nothing wrong with your MARRIAGE... But you NEED to sleep. Its not his fault, but you have to sleep... You will make yourself sick if you dont. All the women I work with at the dentist office do the same, so you arent alone. I think the majority of women are just really light sleepers, and men... Well, they are the lucky ones!

i feel ya ... my husband is that way too andrea he radiates heat like a space heater and im always dying of heat wish i could open a window or turn on a fan lol ... he is from egypt and they all think celiing fans are evil .. he is convinced it makes him sick lolz ive given him biology lessons on germs and tried to convince him its germs that make you sick not a fan lol he isnt buying it

and he snores like a fog horn plus he has to have total and complete darkness or he ant sleep and i NEEEED some ambiant light on .. im scareed of the dark and not ashamed to admit it ROFL and i need some music or something on i cant stand silence ... trips me out ... i start to hear stuff i shouldnt hear lolz

plus ... im a night owl ... i stay up way late and he sleeps as soon as he gets home from work almost lol

so we just decided to have separate rooms ... it works for us ... our marriage is better because of it ... people think we are wierd but we are happy so who cares.

he has his bedroom and he can leave stuff all over the floor and it can smell as much as he wants hahaha and he decorates it how he likes

i have my room and i can keep it as clean and nice and pretty as i like haha

we dont fight over cleaning or clothes on the floor .. he has his bathroom i have mine ... so it cut out all the fights over typical married people stuff ... my stuff is clean his stuff is s a mess and we are happy haha

i do venture in once in a while decked out in a mas and rubber gloves and clean his room and bathroom though cuz i fear the germs may wander over to my side of the house ROFL

he comes in and snuggles with me and we watch tv or movies or whatever in my room or the living room ... and once in a while he will fall asleep in my room but rarely.

we have a small apartment and its just easier to have our own space to retreat to instead of being piled on top of each other 24/7

my friend is staying with us right now (she needed some help getting back on her feet) and we converted the dining room into a bedroom lolz .. our dining room table was way too big to go in there anyway so it was in the oddly huge living room ..

so it all works out

and when i told him look we need separate rooms he was totally ok with it cuz it means peace for the both of us

and his bed is one of those temperpedic beds and its AWESOME

u cant feel anything that moves on that bed at all i love it ...

and with those kinds of sleep issues val .. id suggest some therapy which i know most guys hate ... but it is a problem ... there is a name for the disorder ( i forget what it is) and their is medication and other things one can do to get it uner control ... my grandfather was that way too and due to that him and my grandmother always slept in separate rooms

its a medical condition ... and he probally isnt getting very good rest either ....

What is it with guys they say they are freezing and then they sweat like crazy.
Yes sometimes ear plugs are not enough I remember sleeping with a pillow over my head which did not work well either.
I'm roasting and he is freezing. However what I thought was funny was the other night he came home from work crawled in bed with me and I covered him up with one of my blankets (Sort of a lighter weight one). Well in the middle of the night he decided to crawl back into his own bed but took my favorite blanket.
I asked for it back last night and he won't give it up and the funny part of it was he (the one who supposedly freezes) was sleeping on top of his heavy blankets and was just covered with my lighter weight one. I was nice and left him have his blankie lol and I just got out a different one.
Men are funny.

Well we are working on it. He has been reading some of the posts and it is helping him see that there are lots of others out there with similar issues.

Im glad. Humans need sleep, its just a fact. If you cant get it in the bedroom, you gotta get it somewhere.