Im 21 years old, I have been with my current boyfriend for almost 3 years offically 2 years. My problem is I have to much pride to show emotion or more like affection towards him and others as well. I've always had this problem,even with my previous long term relationship. I guess my reason is the way i was brought up, i have four brothers, i'm the only female, besides my mother. Im not sure what exactly my problem is but well I have been trying to figure out ways to go around this because i truely do want to make things work in this relationship. He says i'm really stubborn and just stick to what i want and i have to much pride. He says he is alwaysthe one putting effort and trying to make me feel better and well i sometimes just dont know what to do!! And thats my biggest problem, on how to solve things or knowing what to do. I've been working on this by trying to listen and undertstanding his point of view or feelings. Its really hard for me to describe my feelings though. Sometimes i will just cry, and its for a couple reasons and i somehow just can not tell him at that moment why i'm crying. I guess i'm just trying to see what your guys opinion is or any tips on how i can handle situations or adjust to something different. Thanks. Oh by the way i'm new here.

Hello Cristy & welcome to the forum

You have submitted this post, so you and you boyfriend must feel that you have a problem, but if you have been together for three years, then you must be doing something right. So that's something positive for a start.
The next two positives are that you have recognised that there is something wrong and you really want to sort this out.
So what is the problem?


I'm not sure exactly what your problem is either.
What do you and he mean by saying that you have 'too much pride'?
Is it that you will never accept that you are wrong, even if you are?
Is it that you won't compromise on beliefs and principles?
What does your boyfriend mean by saying that you 'just stick to what i want'?

You say: 'I've been working on this by trying to listen and understanding his point of view or feelings.'
Has this helped?
Do you now know exactly what is bothering him?

You say that you have too much pride to show emotion, yet you will cry. I would say that, usually, people who have too much pride to show emotion would not weep on front of the other person, like this.

Alternatively, you say that you have too much pride to show affection, yet I cannot imagine that you could have been together for around three years, without showing him affection.

Some people are more demonstrative than others. Often depending on the family background, people will be more or less talkative, more or less openly affectionate, etc. It is during the dating period that couples will find out if they are compatible.

Is he more openly affectionate in his ways than you are?
Does he want you to be openly affectionate too?
Can you do this?
I'm guessing that, if you love him, you can.
Do you make a point of going out on dates ~ just the two of you?
Do you smile at him and kiss him when you greet him?
Do you hold hands when out together?

You are only 21 ~ your upbringing will have had its effects, but now it's time to assert your own wishes on your personality.
Showing affection, openly but appropriately, is a nice thing to do for your loved-ones. And it will reap you rewards.
Even your family, who may hold back a bit, would probably welcome a hug & a peck on the cheek from you, when you meet and when you say goodbye.

I used to find 'fuss' a bit difficult to deal with ~ and still find too much a bit, well, too much ~ but I am very pleased that I made the effort to start showing those friends & relatives I cared for that they were special to me, by giving them a hug on meeting & parting. It pays dividends.

No-one is perfect, but when a couple fall in love, they tend to see each other through rose-tinted glasses ~ until the honeymoon period is over. Then the 'faults' suddenly appear. This is normal. According to Britain's 'Daily Mail', the honeymoon period lasts 'Two years, six months and 25 days'.

Communication is usually the key to improving any relationship.
Tell him what you have told us.
Explain that you love him, but are just not used to showing your feelings.
Agree to try to become more affectionate towards him.

Be open & honest in your discussion.
Don't let it degenerate into an argument.
Put your feelings in writing if it helps.


There are some articles you can look at, here, for more on 'the honeymoon period':

Two years, six months and 25 days: The length of time it takes before romance is dead
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/articl...mance-dead.html
The Honeymoon's Over: Now What?
http://uk.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice_60/84_dating_tips.html
How long does the honeymoon period last?
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-long-does-the-honeymoon-period-last.html
Make your 'honeymoon period' last
http://www.ivillage.co.uk/relationships/couple/commit/snap/0,,146_679256,00.html
Why Does the Honeymoon End?
http://www.reuniting.info/science/why_does_the_honeymoon_end_kiecolt-glaser_newlywed_study
Honey moon period?
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071004131938AAcAbHY
When the honeymoon period is over
http://blogs.theage.com.au/lifestyle/asksam/archives/2006/06/when_the_honeym.html


I often recommend the books of John Gray, too. I think that they can help couples to understand each other better. I'm guessing that they should be available at, or through, most libraries.

http://home.marsvenus.com/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Men_Are_from_Mars,_Women_Are_from_Venus
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/search-handle-url/026-7564320-0234044?%5Fencoding=UTF8&search-type=ss&index=books-uk&field-author=John%20Gray

WOW THANK YOU!

And when we start talking about one partner having "too" much or "too" little, we need to realize that there are two in a relationship. Not every time is a good time to analyze things.

When one is crying is not a good time to be questioned - especially if the questioning is sharp or non-supportive.

Both of you are important. So both of you need to work together at your relationship.

Absolutely, Carl.
And yes, it's a partnership, so it has to be a two-way thing.
That is certainly something I now feel that I should have mentioned, as well.
No-one is perfect and it must be better to find a positive way forward, rather than to apportion blame.