I'm not sure if this belongs here but here i go. my grammar might be messed up sorry im really shaken up. i just got an email from a friend of my ex bf. the eamil claims my ex bf still loves me even though hes married. and that my ex bf wants to talk to me but is afraid. i dont know what to do, we had a very serious relationship i loved him with all my heart. i think a part of me will always love him. i dont know how to respond. i planned to move on with my life and erase him completly and now i have this.

sorry for rambling.

welcome to the forum.it simple he;s a married man.like you stated move on with your like.he has a wife you don't want to be that other woman.if he leaves his wife then the two of you can talk.your feeling are too special to let anyone mess with.

Hello shy_gal89

You 'loved him with all [your] heart' and he went and married someone else. Why was that? Did he not love you with all his heart? Or was he there something else going on?

Now, he has her, and he wants to get back in touch with you ~ or, at least, that's what his friend claims.

His friend may just be stirring things up for his own reasons.

You are only 19, now, with your life ahead of you. You loved him and, of course, a part of you will always cherish those memories and love the person you then loved, but time has moved on. He is not a free man and you are already building a new life without him.

One wonders why a man would leave a girl who loves him, and with whom he is in a serious relationship, to marry someone else. And, then, having found a new love, in an even more serious relationship ~ a marriage ~ he is then trying to make contact with his ex girlfriend.

Does he know what he wants?
Is he able to be in a proper committed relationship?

As big bad momma says, somewhere down the line, if he becomes a free man, and you and he are still interested in each other, then maybe something can happen, but don't be 'the other woman' for this man who cannot make up his mind and so leaves a trail of upset women behind him. Don't be a party to that.

These are just my thoughts. It is for you to decide what you will do. But remember, he hasn't contacted you, his friend has. You don't actually have anything to respond to. You don't really know what is going on.

Thanks for replying. I have no pans to be his mistress and I dont think he wants that either. you are right his friend ( or so it said) emailed me not him and that does make things even more unclear. PDM I never fully understood why he really left. The email said its bc he thought all the obsticales we had to face would stop us from being together. I agree with you I dont think he knows what he wants..thats if any of this is even true. over time I came to the conclusion that he didnt love me bc if he did he wouldnt have hurt me. The person claims he still does and that he really wants to talk to me and that he doesnt knwo what to do, but then I wonder if he misses me so much why hasnt he spoken to me in a little over a year. And I dont get why it would take him being married for a year to make him relize he really loved me that sounds so backwards. I emailed the person back but got no reply....should I try and get in touch with him directly? Ignoring it is probably best but I cant do that, I got no sleep last night and it wont leave my mind so I have to do something. Thanks for the help big momma and PDM.

Oh and that really complicates things with the guy I had posted about before, its hard to start a new relationship with this going on.

ppl the number of replys is way lower than views....come on and share in the advice giving plz lol

Honestly, I agree with Big Bad Momma and PDM.

One question is: the friend thinks your ex still loves you, but maybe all the ex said was "I'd like to talk to her." In other words, who knows what the ex is really thinking? I'm guessing it's complicated and not going to lead anywhere positive for his wife!

I really do feel that you should fight hard to ignore all the "drama" that's been stirred up and continue on with your life.

You said: "...I wonder if he misses me so much why hasnt he spoken to me in a little over a year. And I dont get why it would take him being married for a year to make him relize he really loved me that sounds so backwards." I think this is exactly right! Don't torture yourself with this confused guy, hon!

Personally, I don't think that you should contact a married man regarding a previous or potential relationship with him.

As for the friend, it's not his business, so I wouldn't contact him, either.

If you got in touch, what might it do?

If he decided that he wanted you again, & got back with you, his wife could blame you for wrecking the marriage.

If he did get back with you, it could all start again, anyway. He could decide that he had made another mistake, it's his wife who he really wants, after all. (The grass is always greener on the other side.)

What if this friend has got things wrong or is just trying to stir things up and you were to contact your ex and it caused upset for all of you ~ and you were blamed. He might become really annoyed with you and his wife might think that you were trying to wreck their marriage in a fit of jealousy.

Only you can decide what is the best thing to do, but sometimes, if memories in the heart over-rule common sense in the mind, people can make big mistakes. Please make sure that you don't.

Having said all that, maybe this chap really does think that he has made a mistake and really does think about you ~ and maybe you are simply meant to be together. However, if this is truly the case, you should only get involved with him, again, if and when he and his wife have decided that their marriage is over.

Even then it may be that he is a dreamer who cannot commit and it might not be good for you.

You are very young. Time is on your side. Give yourself a chance to enjoy yourself and find someone who can make you really happy. You cannot follow this up now, anyway.

Good luck

Thanks Pudgie and PDM. I did respond to the person who sent the email telling then how i felt about the whole thing. As I said im not trying to be his mistress and I dont think he wants that. I guess I just wanna hear it from him. For him to finally tell me whats going on bc between his friend and his wife im at wits end. If we talk I will let you guys know what the end result is. Most likely it will be that I get the closure I want and we never speak again.

Closure would be good ~ but be careful that you don't open up a can of worms

ok update. We are goign to meet up 2morrow and talk. I have news that his relashionship has not been good for awhile. I wanna believe its bc we are meant to be together and that this is a " if it comes back its urs" type thing. but i dont wanna get my hopes up we have a messed up track record.

I hope that his wife doesn't think that you are trying to cause problems for them. I would say that they needed to sort out any relationship problems, without the involvement of 'another woman'. That's how you could be considered, if you are not very careful ~ so do be careful.

I hope she doesnt think that either. I have no wish to hurt her. but as twisted as this is gonna sound i view her as the aother woman. she came out of nowhere and destroyed what we had and maybe im wrong for feeling that way but i cant help it. still i'm trying to be careful im not even sure what all this means yet.

Are you sure she "came out of nowhere and destroyed what we had?" Your ex made his own choices all along the way; neither you nor his wife forced him to do anything.

I agree completely with PDM --- maybe he and his wife should try to sort out their problems, before he starts a new (or renews a) different relationship.

i agree he should..if he leaves her i dont think it should b for me or anyone else. I think it should be bc they decided they were not right for eachother. and ur right no one forced him to do anything but mistresses in general are usual sought after..i know it prob doesnt make sense but for me thats how i always viewed her

Be careful