Hi everyone. Yes, it's me, Sakura, otherwise known as "Raven" and "Ashes". For those of you who don't know me, I'm 16yrs old.

OK, first thing's first. My boyfriend and I have "officially" been going out since October 24th, but we've been "together", in our own sense, since about May/nearing June.

He turned 19 on November 3rd and is a very nice person. He is a 12th grader and will be a university student next year (God willing). He and I have been friends since I was 12yrs old and he knew all my darkest secrets before my best friends. Whenever I had a problem, he would always support me. I could even call him in the middle of the night if I felt the need. So, he and I have a very firm foundation, knowing each other inside out. He also knows my history, so he knows what to "expect" from me.

I have 2 (problematic/not-so-problematic) things that I would like to ask about:

Thing 1: "You're not ready for something like that"

Two days ago, my boyfriend and I spent the day together. We went to his brothers' place, which was pretty much abandoned, except for their pet dog. Sooo... we closed all the curtains, lit a few candles and incense sticks and had a little romantic playout of our own. We ended up in his brother's bedroom and things got a little hot. I got a little brave and kissed him just below his belly button. Later, when things cooled down, I had a little chat with him. Since I'm very open, I asked him: "What would you have done if I continued to kiss lower?" And he told me: "I would have stopped you". When I asked him why, out of pure curiosity, he responded: "Because you're not ready for something like that". Now, my boyfriend is not a virgin. Did he say that because he thinks I'm just an inexperienced girl or because he doesn't want me to do anything that I'm not entirely comfortable with? It could be the later, but the first goes through my mind a lot.

Thing 2: Paranoia - The week without him

Oookays, so, this is the thing. My boyfriend planned to go away with his friends for a week. This plan was formulated before we became "official". Now, what bothers me is the fact that there's no adults, alcohol, clubs and the fact that they're guys and girls mixed. Plus, where they're going is pretty far from me. Even though I trust him with my life, the fact that I was betrayed before plays on my mind. I keep on thinking "Will he be responsible?", "Will he remain loyal to me?" and that kind of thing. Is it normal for me to feel like this? He does tell me that he feels really guilty and selfish for leaving me behind, but I told him that it's fine. I also plan to keep myself busy while he is gone. We promised to talk to each other every day while he is gone and I'm going to ask a friend of mine to keep an eye on him. According to him, "loyalty" comes first in a relationship. I don't think that he's willing to break his own code, but I'm still paranoid. I don't know what to do...

Help, please?

Thanks in advance.

hi there.
firstly let me start by saying i have no idea how i managed to stumble upon this site! but here is where i ended up. when i glanced at your post i just had to read on and as it transpires reply to you. i am a 37 year, old single mum of a wonderful 4 year old boy. i know 37 sounds really old but please hear me out.
men, unfortunatly tend to be ruled by the brain between their legs and especially at the age of 19 would basically do or say anything to have you continue kissing in the downward direction you were heading in. i do not know your boyfriend but every 37 years of instinct and wisdom is telling me that he cares about you so much he honestly wants you to feel completely comfortable with anything you are going to do and not feel pressured because he is 'experienced' it is only your insecurity that is making you think, he thinks you are an unexperienced little girl. ( the fact is that, you are a little bit younger and less experienced than him.) to be honest i can't imagine a better person to for you to experience more with because he obviously is putting you and your feelings ahead of his own gratification. he sounds wonderful, and the fact that you can openly talk about it is even better. when you are ready you will know and it will be even better for him because he will know that you are doing something that you really want to do, not cos you feel like you should.
regarding your second situation!
worrying about what he is going to get up to while he is away is not going to have any influenced on what he does get up to while he is away. no matter how much sleep you may loose or how many grey hairs you grow worrying about him being faithfull to you, will not stop him being unfaithful if he wants to be unfaithful. he will do what he is going to do regardless if you worry about it or not. the same as if you were going to be unfaithful to him, no amount of worry on his part would control your actions. worry only makes you become a insecure, paranoid, jealous, suspicious person. and lets be honest, who would want that person as a boy friend or girl friend? ( let me say though from his attitude regarding the kissing below the belt thing i truly think you have absolutely nothing to worry about in the slightest. insted of worrying while he is away, think of what a wonderful time he is having, enjoying himself and be genuinely happy for him that he is having a good time. he is bound to share all his stories with you when he returns home to his happy, non stressed, un jealous, chilled out girl friend. he is a lucky man and you are a lucky girl and you are only 16!!!!! does he have any older brothers????? lol
hope you find my very long winded reply helpful.
smile and be happy.
and stop worrying!!!!!
would be nice to find out how things pan out for you.
take care.
jennifer

Wow, thank you very much! You really laid everything out in front of me. Here's something I didn't mention:

My ex boyfriend was a real jerk. He hit me, pushed me, made me do things that I didn't want to... or basically, completely abused me and shot me down. One night, I sought comfort somewhere else. I wasn't expecting anything but to sleep in an embrace, but one thing led to another.

Now, my current boyfriend knows all about this. I definitely WILL NOT cheat on him. We've waited a year to be together and we don't plan to mess it up. But is it possible that my past (regarding my own action) is feeding my paranoia?

I had a talk with my boyfriend about this as well. He was very honest with me and said: "If I had any doubt that you would cheat on me, I wouldnn't have asked you out." He puts so much faith and trust in me. He doesn't doubt my loyalty. So, what does that signify?

I think that it signifies that he really does care about you and loves you. As you said, he knows you very well and I think it is wonderful that you have him since your last bf was a total butt-face from what you say.
I think it is good that he only wants you to do what you are comfortable with. And like Jennifer said, if he wanted to cheat on you before he would have already. I would trust him.
I hope that you two lovebirds are very happy with each other and continue to have an AMAZING realationship. : )) toodles and good luck!!

Hello again 'Sakura Shinigami'

Your boyfriend sounds mature and responsible ~ and caring.

That's great.

Trust is very important in as relationship. It's good if you can trust each other ~ and it sounds as if you can.

Obviously, you should always be careful, and never be pushed into anything, but this boy sounds like a friend, first, which is always a good thing

Is your father ok with this?

Hope it goes well.

Welcome to the forum Jennifer / Brilliant.
I hope that you will enjoy it here.

And I think that this is good advice

Well I have a trust issue with my husband. About 2 years ago he was talking, texting, sending and recieving pictures with other women. We were and still are married, but he said I wasn't there for him... Let me remind you, we have 4 children that i was busy with , but he took it upon himself to do that... So now its hard for me to trust him, not to mention he did it again and lied again. How do i get the trust back??????????

*
PDM Edit;
Please respond to this subject in the new thread:
'Trust Issue With Husband [Bossay]'
http://www.wineintro.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/390416
Thanks

Hi Bossay & welcome

It's best if new 'problems' have a new thread, so I have started one for you, here:

'Trust Issue With Husband [Bossay]'
http://www.wineintro.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/390416

Sakura -

it is very common for people who have been betrayed in the past to trust the next person. It is part of how we have survived as humans. If we put our hand in the fire, and it burnt, it was GOOD to learn not to put your hand in the fire again.

So we have to override our survival instincts in order to trust after being hurt.

Yes it will take some time - but you will get there! It will be hard to get through that week, but once you survive it and see your boyfriend is loyal to you, it will help make you even more strong.

Thanks for all the help everyone.

Ma'am PDM, what are you referring to when you said "Is your father ok with this?" I didn't quite catch that.

Hi Sakura.

You mentioned, before, that your father was concerned about you dating; I just wondered if he was happier with the current situation

Oh, I see ^^
My father is perfectly fine with my boyfriend. It would seem that my father trusts him a lot too, so things are pretty well ^_^

That sounds good

^_^ He and my dad get along better than my ex boyfriend. They can actually hold a proper conversation with each other, believe it or not :P

Okay, sue me for double-posting :P

He left to the beach today. Day 1 without him. My nerves are already starting to act up! I've planned a busy week to take my mind off him, but I can't help but think of him all the time!

help?

You are bound to miss him.
That's normal

You don't need to take your mind off him ~ just miss him & look forward to seeing him again ~ and hope that he is happy & well where he is.

I guess so ^^
Question: Is it wrong for me to hang out with my boyfriend's friends while he is away?

I don't see why it should be considered wrong.
Why do you think it could be wrong?
Do you think that he would see it as wrong?

Are they okay ~ would you be safe with them?

Well...
1) I'm hanging out with older guys besides my boyfriend
2) He COULD, but I doubt he will (though, it plays on my mind)
3) I trust them enough to feel safe with them

Also, tomorrow I'm meeting an online friend. He is 24 years old and is good friends in real life with one of my best friends. I'm meeting him at my art school with all my teachers around me. I've met online friends before, but how should I tell my boyfriend this when he gets back from his trip?

Friends are friends. He only needs to worry, if you might see them as more than friends ~ or vice versa.

I was speaking to someone ~ male ~ today, who said that men don't usually want to be just friends ~ whatever they may say.

You are still very young to be spending time with older men, though, so be very careful.

Personally I think it is a bad idea. Pal around with girl friends. Voice of experience here - guys don't see you as taken if the male is out of the picture.

I also think that making arrangements to meet someone from online is a mistake also. Either you are shopping or you are not. Very seldom, almost never, are guys able to be friends without more in mind.

I definitely advocate being very careful. Guys come in many different flavors.

I have many male friends and don't have any issues with them wanting more or pressing for more. We have great fun playing go or strategy games or going mountain biking. So I suppose part of it is the type of guy you end up being friends with. In my cases the guys are very happy with their current partners, so they're not interested at all in "another girlfriend".

I see ^^ Well, I pulled out from meeting this friend, for now. I'm giving it some more thought first

Yes definitely let's say this guy is single and he became friends with you because of common interests. If he is wanting to date someone, then you definitely will be high on his radar. And especially if you're seeming lonely, that will draw him in like honey.

I understand ^^ Perhaps I'll meet him when my best friends hook up with him. Safety in numbers, right? ^_^

That might be a better idea

Yip yip ^^ Well, I ended my school year today and passed with flying colours. My real reason for the excitement is that my boyfriend arrives home today! We're going to the beach tomorrow to keep an eye on my sister and her friends. Think a catch-up conversation is a good idea?

Congratulations!
Have a great weekend.