Ok I'll start
When my husband was in the air force he had orders to go to Biloxi Miss for a few months before he was sent to Thiland.
Well I wanted to go with so what we did was scarf up on items that no one wanted anymore and packed them all into the car (we were not going to bring anything back except us and our clothes)
Well we got down there and started looking for a place to stay found a hotel on the beach that had studio's so my husband paid the rent and we started hauling all of our stuff up to the 5th floor in an elevator with an elevator guy.
Well after we hauled everything up I decided I did not like it. So being the great guy he is he went back down got our money back we took everything back to the car (The elevator guy must have thought we were crazy) And guess what we ended up renting a horrible trailor full of cockroaches (that's what I get for being stupid I guess).
Now that's just one of my stories I'll save more after some of you guys post.
lol grass wasnt green on the other side huh
ok this story is funny to me i duno if it is to anyone else lol
so my husband ... is fresh off the boat from egypt ... grew up in the countryside/desert ... and has no clue on things u would think normal people know about ... lolz
so we go to get the marriage lisence form the court house
and you have to read this book of marriage advice before they will give yo the lisence so we go in the hall and flip through it .. its like 20 pages of basic stuff like be nice share listen dont cheat dont hit and so on
we go back in the room and the lady is like i need you tofill out this form each of you ... like he has to do it for himself nd i have to do it for myself ... so i move to the side and full my form ... and he is struggling to fill it out im like babe whats the deal ... he goes i forgot my birthday ROFL ... im like r u xxxxxxx kidding me ???? he goes no the lady is staring at me i cant think .... hahahahaha so im like sweety its sept 25 1976 sheesh so he writes it down
hands in the paper and the lady goes sir you didnt write your name... like u have to print your name ... he goes oh ok and signs it with his chiken scratch signature the lady is like SIR YOU HAVE TO PRINT YOUR NAME IN THE SQUARES
he looks at me like why is she yelling at me ... im getting frustrated to my ends cuz he does this stuff cuz he thinks its funny im like babe its not funny ok this is serious its our marriage lisence just fill it out rigt.
so he pulls me to the side and is like what does it mean "print my name" im like my god man just write ur name how u normaly write it ... so he writes somethings and hands it in .... the lady is like good lord what is this i look at it and he wrote it in arabic LMAO
im like babe this isnt egypt they cant read that at all ... ur gona get us arrested hahaha what the hell is wrong with you
so now he is like major nervous and feels very stupid ... so the lady prints the form AGAIN for the 3rd time and is like get it right this time ... by the way we had to pay 50 cents every time se had to print the form over haha
so i take him to the side and im like let me show you and i write his name on the back of scrap paper .. im like just copy that
he tried but spelled it wrong LMAO
the clerk was like maam are you sure you want to go through with this
im like umm i think so .. yes .. yes i do ... i do ... i think ... give us a moment
we go outside im like calm down honey she isnt asking for your dna or finger print its ur name ... its not a bid deal ...
so we go back in print yet another form and i go through it with him slowly letter by letter ROFL
finally we were done and had the lisence hahaha
i was so embarrassed man .. u cant even imagine but i was laughin to hard to care ... there was an older couple like in their 70's gettin married by the justice at the time in the hall way and the old lady goes .... honey i just wana tell you i think its so great of you to take him in and marry him despite his disability and you are so patient and kind with him its just so nice to see that.
i nearly fell out on the floor dying of laughter i just thank you maam and walked away ... running to the car trying so hard not to wet myself laughing so hard
the funny things is my husband is very very smart .. has a degree in aeronautical engineering and does rocket science and stuff hahaha and was actually a pilot prior to 911 so he is smart and he knows how to write his name he just got so nervous he couldnt think straight it was just too funny hahaha that old lady cracked me up
That story made me laugh.
I can't wait to read some others.
My husband is from Chicago and is a true city boy and very spoiled. I am from the country/mountains and to him I am very facinating (not bragging but really this is what he tells me) lol
So the first time he goes to my parents house he is shocked. They live on 5 acres of woods so there are tons of bugs and animals. He got to hold a turtle for the first time and played with that poor turtle for over an hour. He is always commenting that I am so smart that I know all the names of flowers and animals and can pick them up. He is smart as far as schooling and numbers so we fit together well. That is an intro of us.
The story is:
Brian is easily gagged. Smells and slimey things makes him sick to his stomach. Well when we were 1st married he was scared of peanut butter. Yes for real. I would have peanut butter and leave the knife in the sink with the remnants on it. Well he couldn't handle it. It was slimey and gross and he would freak out every time. He hates when it gets water on it.
Well one time he took it too far. I had left it in the sink and he came marching out and proceeded to scream at me for it. He was so upset and gagging. I held in the laughter and let him finish. Well he goes back to the kitchen and starts slamming around and grumbling under his breath. I sneak in and grab the jar of peanut butter. I scooped out a big handful and snuck up behind him. He had his hands in the dish water so I rubbed peanut butter all over his arms and shoved them under the water.
He just stopped and started shaking and gagging and trying to be all mad. Well I kept it up until he started laughing. He is no longer afraid of peanut butter.
Come on some of the rest of you guys have to have some funny stories.
Great stories, guys --er, I mean gals!
Well, our first real date was dinner at my house. I ended up crunched for time so instead of cooking I went on a spending spree at the local Chinese restaurant and brought home container after container after container of food, especially dishes with shrimp and lobster. (This is my idea of heaven, meal-wise.)
Well, halfway through dinner I realize Jack's hardly eating anything and has this strange, uncomfortable look on his face. Turns out, the only thing he hates more than Chinese food is shrimp & lobster! I felt absolutely awful and offered to make him peanut butter & jelly sandwiches!
I must say, thinking back on this, that he gets major points for being honest instead of sitting there miserably choking down his least favorite foods. So, every once in awhile we have "crazy dinner" -- I get take-out Chinese food and he gets White Castle hamburgers (which I think are disgusting)!
I love all of these!!
When we moved into our first apartment without roomates in Beaverton I brought my kids up from their dad's for the weekend. We got home kinda late because we had to drive so far. Well the kids were wanting some Coacoa and I had to pee. I put the teapot on the stove and ran off into the bathroom. As I was walking back into the livingroom I heard an explosion in the kitchen... I had turned on the wrong burner and a glass baking dish had been on the burner and exploded. After cleaning up the hot glass (which had melted it's way into our linoleum). He sat down on the couch with a funny look on his face and began laughing hysterically.... The kids had fallen asleep on the couch immediately upon getting home.. There was no point to coacoa. They woke up when the pan exploded went 'wow mommy what was that?' then passed out again on the floor while watching us clean up... Needless to say we didn't have any coacoa. And now 2 years later he will ask the kids what happens when mommy cooks and they yell 'BOOM'.
MORE MORE!!!!!!!! These are so fun to read
haha, i was nearly on the floor readin gthese! mooore!
I can't cook.
The first time I made a meal for my husband ~ then my boyfriend ~ it was dried chow mein with crispy noodles, out of a box.
As you can see from the link, this is a very quick & easy dish to prepare. And I used to like it. But instead of taking 25 minutes to make, it took me about 2 hours. This was because I wanted my crispy noodles perfect, so cooked them in very small batches.
As you can tell, I had my reasons, but 2 hours for a 25-minute ready meal was too much for my husband, and he decided there and then that I couldn't cook.
And I can't!http://www.greenpeace.org.uk/MultimediaFiles/Live/Image/2620.jpghttp://www.ciao.co.uk/Vesta_Chow_Mein_serves_two__5181835
this one is about my mom and dad.
my mom and dad are from michigan. then they decided to move to california. so they are driving in the middle of the night, and mom says "turn left" so they turn and find themselves going down the street, in a huge trailer, in a parade! there was nowhere for them to turn, so they went through the parde. there were seniors cheering, but when my mom and dad dad drove by,they gave them dirty looks, like they were ruining their moonlight parade.
so after that they were hungry, and they saw a wendeys on the map. so they pull into the parking lot, and wendeys is BURNING DOWN!!!!
Well we have to keep this going guys so start thinking.
Here is another story.
Early in our relationship (before we got married) my husband went on a fishing trip with his dad to Canada for a week (was suppose to be a week) Well while he was gone I had my hair cut short and figured I'd do it up really nice for him to see the first time. It was a saturday and I was sort of tired so decided to lay down and take a nap. Well after awhile my mom comes into the room and tells me I have company. Well I had a friend who came over once in awhile who's name was Gary thinking it was him I yell out if its Gary tell him to go home. Well my mom would not tell me who it was so knowing that Denny was in Canada I figured I might as well find out what Gary was there for. So I walz out of my room with hair looking like a wild woman and there sits my future husband boy was I embarassed and there went my plan on having my hair look nice. And not only that he was probably wondering who Gary was. (I explained this).
Ok guys I'm giving you a break because of the holidays but I expect to see some funny stories after the holidays are over.
people, please post. this is getting annoying.
Well this one is sort of about one of my sons when he was younger and my husband.
This is a story he told us after he was out of the house and married.
One day my husband was out in our backyard digging for some reason. My son looked out the window and started to panic. He was all worried that dad would find a bottle. Well I said so what he would probably think it was a land fill thing or something. Thats when he told me it was not an empty bottle it was partically full of our homemade wine. Here he decided to help himself to one of our homemade wine bottles and did not finish it all so corked it back up and burried it in the back yard. Well he got the opportunity dad stopped digging and went to do something else. Well he saw this and quickly ran out and dug up the bottle. I thought it was pretty funny. He never did say what he did with it after that.
I could tell you some funny stories about them and what is the funniest is that he became a deputy sheriff.
So come on guys where are your stories. I can't be the only one with them.
Okay- Since no one else is posting here is another..
I am terrified of spiders. Big ones small ones ugh! They freak me out.
One night I was standing at our backdoor watching the sunset. My hubby came up and said very quietly "val dont move forward or look up." He grabbed my arm and pulled me back into the house. Right above my head was a huge spider the size of a half dollar hanging from its web. Well immediately I went into the freak out and kill it mode. So being the brave man he is he went out to kill it.
He shut the door and went out the front and around to kill it. In one hand was a can of bug spray and the other was a broom I tagged along with him. He sprays the monster spider and it does its whole death struggle thing. I am right behind him watching. Well it looks like the spider is dead so I tell him to poke it and make sure.
As he leans forward to get a closer look and poke it with the broom I screamed "OMG its alive! It's coming for you!"
I have never seen that man move so fast in my life. He throws himself backwards, lands on his butt in the grass and is rolling to get away! Of couse the spider was not moving and was dead I just couldnt resist. He screamed and screamed. And I laughed and laughed. It was a picture perfect moment.
everyone I've read so far has had me laughing
the spider one is funny
Ok talking about lamb chops in another post and it brought back a story about them that has to do with my husband.
If you have never had lamb its something that you either like or you don't does have a distinctive taste to it.
Well it was early in our marriage and I had never made lamb chops for my husband. My husband was in the service and we were living on next to nothing at the time in upper Michigan my parents came up to visit us and my mom brought some lamb chops because she knew how much I liked them.
Well one night for supper I made them and I figured my husband would not even try them if I told him they were lamb so I told him they were pork chops. Well he took the first bite and spit it right back out and told me they were terrible tasteing pork chops. I had to confess and tell him they were lamb chops. Well to this day he will not touch another lamb chop which is probably good anyway the last time I looked at them in the store they were over $14 a lb.
hahahahahaha all very funny
i have tons of funny stories my husband is a wierdo ... but some i duno if they are approprite lolz ... one i wana tell so bad but it has to do with urinating LMAO
but ill tell this one instead
it was when we first got married .. i had to drive him to work everyday we had only one car ... and the drive way to the shop is very steep and you can only turn right out of the drive way.
my husband thinks i am a horrible driver ... im not he just thinks i am lol
so i dropped him off and he was insie workin (mechanic shop) and i had to sit and wait for the light to change for the cars to get out of my way ... so im lookin to the left cuz thats the direction the cars are coming from right ... and im like partially into the lane ready to turn when this other car passes in the next lane ... so i go to turn and all of a sudden out of NO WHERE there is a man flying up on my windsheild LMAO
and im like WHAT THE HELL this guy is all up on my car ... im like omg he is denting my hood it didnt hit me what had just happened... well he was riding his bike along and instead of WAITING like a normal person or going BEHIND The car he went out into the street and around the front of the car but he was coming from the right and i was only lookin left cuz the cars could only come from the left hahaha
so he peels himself off my hood and is yellin at me like get out of the car right now u xxxxxxxxxxx and so on and im covering my mouth cuz im laughing so hard im about to pee on myself ... he wasnt hurt so i clearly saw the humor in the situation and he so didnt ....
im sitting there just tryin to get a hold on myself i cant stop laughing i mean i was laughing so hard i couldnt breath an i could stop hahaha ... he pulls his bike out from under the car and i lost it tears came from laughing so hard ... but i had my face covered and he probally thought i was crying hysterically
his bike wheels were all mangled up and it was killin me even now im laughin way too hard hahah
so i call my husband and im like u need to come out side plz and im laughin and he is laughin cuz im laughin and he is like what happened why ur still here im like guy... on bike... under car.... omg... outside plz....
my husband comes outside with every one who works there and the guy is still yelling and screaming and my husband is like wait wait wait u cant talk to my wife like that ... so calm ur self down or im callin the cops ... im like no no no baby no dont do that plz hahahahha
i get out of the car and am turned around laughing my self silly and the guys he works with are like whoa what i dyou do man ... im like the guy came from no where just all up on my hood and they were laughing too
keep in mind the guy was not at all hurt i was going less than 1 mile per hour it was almost like he JUMPED onto the car hahahahahah
so the guy comes aroun the car to face me and gets right up in my face .... my husbnd pushes him back and is like i can call the cops u know this is my property and its clear to everyone YOU were in the middle of the street when you shouldnt have been at all ... and now ur harrassing my wife so calm down ill pay to fix your bike there is a bike shop down the street go get an estimate and have them fax it to me so they guy goes off walkin
my husband turns to me an he wants to yell at me so bad but he cant cuz im in this terrible fit of laughter i cant help myself hahaha he is like just GO HOME RIGHT NOW GO HOME im like yes sir ...
i left and went home ... my husband paid $150 to replace the wheels on the bike and the guy rode off into the sunset lol
i came to pick him up from work and when i pulled into the drive way the shop guys went running screaming like OMG here she comes run for lives lol and i look up and they have the 2 wheels from the bike hanging on their MISTAKES wall LMAO
they have a wall where they hang stuff they messed up to remind tem to be careful and pay attention and to embarrass the guy who made the mistake hahahaha and under the wheels it syas boss mans wife hits a pedestrian
to this day when a person on a bike is anywhere near us and im driving my husband is like plz be careful ... do you see him ... tell me you see him haha
I always think its so funny when someone else does something stupid and then yells at you for it.
hahahahhahaha the funny thing was i didnt get what had happened at first i was in a heat wave of righteous indignation at this moron damaging the hood of my car HAHAHAHAHA i didnt realize i had hit him hahahahaha
thanks goodness no humans were harmed in this story lol
That would have really upset me ~ I wouldn't have thought it was funny.
guess u had to be there ... i just caught a fit of laughter and couldnt stop it wasnt that i neccesarily thought it was hilarious i just couldnt stop laughing.
and like i said the guy wasnt hurt and it seemed he jumped on the car rather than i hit him he wanted some money lol but all my husband gave him was money to fix the bike.
Sometimes people laugh when they are nervous or anxious the scare of the guy hitting the hood, may have caused the laughing fit. At least he was okay.
Why would he try to go around the front of a car on the right when he could have stayed left or even on the sidewalk? Odd. Maybe I have the positining wrong but that sounds careless on his part too.
Ok just did a post in another section that reminded me of this story.
The day I got married:
Well we found this beautiful dress for just $75 it was a try on dress at a bridal store it needed alterations but my mom is a seamstress so no problem.
Back in the day that I got married the really full dress was popular (you wore these hoop things and you sort of looked like a big bell lol. The top was fitted and it wall full from the waist down.
This is the funny part. When my dad was walking me down the aisle I kept stepping on some part of the dress or hoop thing to this day I don't know what it was. I thought for sure I was going to do a nose drive but I made it down to the front. I must have looked pretty funny though. Then I also had a brand new pair of shoes and to my mistake I never wore them to break them in so the bottoms of the shoes were really smooth.
During part of the ceremony we had to kneel on a kneeler I was perched on the kneeler quite precariously to say the least because of my huge dress. Well I was kind of sliding off the kneeler and my slippery shoes did not help matters. Everyone whould have gotten a good laugh if they would have seen what was going on under my dress as I was sort of dog paddleing with my feet to stay up on the kneeler and hanging onto my husband for dear life otherwise I would have fallen flat on my butt. I thought we were on the kneeler for hours and was never so glad when we finally got to stand up.
I took a picture of a picture so you could see what I'm talking about so its not the greatest.
ROFL (about story, not about dress)! That dress is beautiful and I can't believe it was only $75!!
Over the years I've heard advice about not wearing brand-new shoes at your wedding unless you've broken them in a bit - you're on your feet all day and all night plus dancing, so who needs slippery or pinchy shoes?
Ok guys and gals the new year is here and I want to hear more funny stories I need at least one good laugh a day. lol
ok well ummm i wana tell a story so bad but i duno if its inappropriate but its hilarious hahaha so i tell it and you tell me if its gross and not appropriate and ill erase it
hearing this after my other posts about nunu pooping in my eye and the dog peeing on my patio you will die laughing.
ok so me and husband had been married literally less than a week .... and we had absolutly no physical contact before being married not even kissing so sleepin in the same bed was a trial in patience and love lol
the bed was against the wall and he was like all the way against the wall i woke up and was rollin over to give him a kis and he pushed me and was like dont move just dont move. i was like what is wrong with you .... then i was sleepy so i was like whatever and turned my hand back to hold his hand(he was behind me) and i felt the covers were soaking wet ... i was like baby what is that ... he was like nothing just go back to sleep. i freaked out and was like tell me what is this right now ... he was like nothing i took a drink of the water and i spilled it thats all just go to sleep i get so mad im like an dyou just leave it there u dont even clean it or get a towel u just leave it what is wrong with you .. you dang idiot what kind of fool are you hahaha im not a morning person, im a clean freak and a neat freak and i have silk covers and they are soaked so i was hopping mad and the poor guy was just layin there lookin at me terrified .. then i look at the night stand next to me and the water is way on the other side and the glass is FULL
it hit me .... like a bric wall
i turned to him and growled like a dog i was like what is this .... and he was like ok ok ok calm down its not my fault im so sorry and he was crying cuz he knew when he told me it was gona be hell
he had been having a dream he was on a boat at see and he ha dto go to the bathroom so he went to the edge of the boat and let loose .... except he was asleep in bed and actually went to the bathroom
LMAO ahahahahahaha he was so embarrassed and when i saw how humiliated he was i was just like baby its ok but you just let me lay there haha you could of at least told me to get up sheesh
disgusting but none of the pee reached me i was bone dry thank goodness but the covers were ruined and trashed.
he was so sorry and made me promise not to tell anyone ever hahahaha so dont tell him i told you hahahahah
but having been married less than a week i was dying to tell someone so i told my sister in law and she fell to the floor laughing and her husband came in like whats so funny (my husbands brother) and she TOLD HIM hahahahaha which got back to my husband ... of course ur brother hears you peed the bed with ur wife in it and he is gona let you know about it hahahahahahaha
my husband no longer tells me secrets ahah
You were right I laughed my head off.
hahahah good i was wavering on whether to post it or not hahahahaha it was so not funny when it happened but now ive grown and i can laugh about it .... he gets MAD when i mention it though hahaha
Here is one about my parents...
When I was little we lived in Colorado and my parents had this huge garden. They always got these huge tomato worm. They were the size of a fat cigar, big and green. So my parents are out in the garden with some friends showing off their tomatoes. My Dad finds this huge worm and calls everyone over for a demonstration. He explains that if he steps on one in of the worm the guts will fly out the other side. Well he does this and the guts fly out and hit my mother in the face and into her open mouth! There is this long pause.. and my mother is just horrified and gagging. Everyone is laughing. She is hitting my Dad and spitting out worm guts. Needless to say my father warns bystanders before he steps on things.
Well this was my good laugh for the day. I have tears in my eyes.
LOL but your poor mother - how gross is that!
bleh! right after i read helwas bed story, the doorbell rang and my dads like "who is it?" and my mom says u-peeee-s in stead of UPS. IM CRACKING UP!.
OMG, this topic rocks...it's like a room full of comedians here :grin: I'm having so much fun reading your posts lol...It’s so depressing in Cali today, all raining so these stories gave me some good laughs.
I don't come to this forum often since I'm neither engaged nor married with my bf, but I’m so bored so can I still tell it anyway :D Well, my bf has been gaining some weight ever since his working schedule’s changed, you know eating dinner and then going to bed soon after so he could wake up like at 3 AM (well, at least I think that’s the reason). He doesn’t eat a lot but he’s very fond of junk food, especially chocolates and I’m kinda...coaching him on his diet, mainly just no junk food and exercise. He got very excited whenever he sees chocolate like a 5-year-old boy :grin: My family, on the other hand, is not too much into sweets at all. So after Christmas, we still have many boxes of chocolate lying around and no one really bothers touching it. The other day, my bf came over for lunch, I just finished my meal & went to brush my teeth. He’s out there in the kitchen, walking toward the bathroom, all excited with this big chocolate in his hand, quickly opened it...hihihh, so I looked at him like, "hi babe, what you got there....candy???" He gave me this puppy-eyes looking but I had to be firm...no no, it got tons of calories & fat in there remember? Put it back in the wrapper babe (gosh, I do sound like his Mom sometimes, and he’s 9 years older :grin: I was half kidding, but to my surprise, he wraps the chocolate back in...nicely and walks toward the kitchen to put it back in the box. So as soon as walks away, I sneak peak behind the door and saw he threw something into the trash can. He then turned to me with this funny grin...and then slowly I saw something...bulky on one of his cheeks hihihi I just burst into laughing. My poor little baby, so sneaky, just like me :D I used to give him these big box of chocolate or candies before and told him just one a day kay babe, I’ll count, but of course, he’s a chocoholic!!! :)
my cousin got down on one knee to propose to his girlfriend, but she didnt understand, so she told him to get up! haha, they are now engaged.
hahha, the chocolate man, sounds like me, i just love sweets, and CHOCOLATE! im glad im not on a strict diet, but your just lookin after him
Come on guys where are some more funny stories I know there have to be some more out there. I need some good laughs.
My husband and I like to tease each other quite alot. I think that it is because we are both only children. Well sometimes he teases and teases until he really has to pay. He also knows through experience not to tempt fate with me because I get even!
Recently he thought it would be funny to pour a cup of cold water on me while I was in the shower. I screamed he laughed. I promised revenge. Well he expected that I would get him back the next day. I waited.
While I was waiting I filled a gallon pitcher up with water and put it in the back of the fridge. I let a week go by until he forgot about the whole thing. Then while he was taking a shower I snuck the ice cold pitcher of water into the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and we chatted through the shower door. Right as he is finishing rinsing his hair I nailed him.
He screamed and screamed!!! It was so funny.
He now knows not to poke the bear.
I'm new to the board and this topic caught my eye. These stories are so great!
I have a story that I think many women can appreciate. My husband and I purchased a new piece of furniture that required a bit of assembly. He invited his friend over to help him out. My friend and I made lunch while they were working. Of course, the first thing they do is throw out the directions. About an hour into it, we ask the guys if they want any lunch. They're determined to get this put together, and are confident they'll have it done in 30 minutes, so they'll wait til they're done. So, my friend and I went out for a long walk and stopped to get some coffee. We return three hours later to some bandages, bruised fingers and bruised egos. The piece of furniture (it was a trunk to go at the end of our bed), was still in pieces and my husband is on the phone complaining to the store that it was too difficult to put together. Well, my girlfriend and I grabbed the directions and started going through it and an hour later, we had a storage unit put together. My husband and his friend were floored and quite embarrassed. Now he listens to me when I tell him to read the directions.
i also have a second story. This happened about a month ago. My husband teaches at USC as an adjunct professer, which means he has a day job and teaches evening classes. One day, he went to work and left all of his student work for that evening at home. I, like a good wife, offer to meet him at school with all of his papers. I arrived, and it was dark. I was a bit late, but sent him a text message to let him know i had arrived and would be in class shortly. I get a message back that says "Who is this?" I thought he was being funny, so came back with a response, and it got a little racy. Then i walked into his class with a huge grin on my face. He thought I was just happy to see him. Well, I teased him about it after class, and he looked at me confused. He never got any of my text messages. I looked at my phone log mortified. I had been texting with a complete stranger who was one number off from my husband's number. I haven't heard from that person since, so I'm sure they were having a good time with me :P
Loved the stories finally some new ones.
Come on guys we have got to have some more PLEASE
By the way welcome to the site.