Problems conceiving, offering support, etc. - 11/29/10 08:38 PM
My older sister is having trouble conceiving and I don't know how to comfort her. She and her husband have gone through IVF (invetro fertilization) before and that's how they conceived their first child (he's now just over 2 years old). Unfortunately they're having trouble conceiving again - they've gone through IVF 3 times now. After the second time they tried, the doctors found out that she had some sort of infection that could have caused the egg not to attach. Once that was cleared they went through their most recent IVF treatment and found out yesterday that it didn't work. I feel horrible for my sister and her husband and what they're going through and wish there was something I could do for them so they wouldn't have to go through this sort of thing as I can only guess as to how emotionally wrenching it can be.
I've tried comforting her and saying all of the above, but her only responses are that they're never going to have another child, that she doesn't want to adopt a child (she hates the idea), that I don't know how she feels, etc. etc.
I feel bad for them, but only to a certain extent because part of me believes she's done this to herself. Wait and let me explain before judging: she's a runner, and when I say runner, I don't mean just running a couple of miles a day a couple of days a week... I mean 80+ miles a week, every single day while also limiting her food intake to the point where she looks unhealthy. The doctor told her to take it easy this last IVF treatment; to take care of herself - she sat for a day before hitting up the gym for 2+ hours a day. Her reasoning: she knew it didn't work so why bother sit around doing nothing. It was one day - she was supposed to wait 2 weeks.
At this point, whenever she calls sobbing to me that they're never going to get pregnant, all I want to do is say: "Stop running, you're so selfish that you won't even stop running for the sake of trying to have a baby - after you've dropped in excess of $15k on trying to conceive. Why don't you think and praise the child you do have instead of sobbing about the child you won't slow down to have." Her other child puts himself into time-out and starts crying - when he's done nothing wrong. I firmly believe there's a reason he's doing this - to get attention - because if my sister isn't at work, she's at the gym or running instead of taking care of her son.
Instead, all I say is "I'm sorry and I wish there was something we could do for you so you wouldn't have to go through this" thinking to myself, I know what we can do, we can tie you to a bed... then maybe you'll get some meat on your bones and you'll be able to conceive. Of course I would never say this to her because it's been said to her in the past by my parents - all that does is put more coal in the already burning fire of anger between my sister and my family. I continue to be there for her and try to support her in any way I can - I just don't know what to do anymore or how more to console her.
I'm at a loss - any suggestions welcome.
I've tried comforting her and saying all of the above, but her only responses are that they're never going to have another child, that she doesn't want to adopt a child (she hates the idea), that I don't know how she feels, etc. etc.
I feel bad for them, but only to a certain extent because part of me believes she's done this to herself. Wait and let me explain before judging: she's a runner, and when I say runner, I don't mean just running a couple of miles a day a couple of days a week... I mean 80+ miles a week, every single day while also limiting her food intake to the point where she looks unhealthy. The doctor told her to take it easy this last IVF treatment; to take care of herself - she sat for a day before hitting up the gym for 2+ hours a day. Her reasoning: she knew it didn't work so why bother sit around doing nothing. It was one day - she was supposed to wait 2 weeks.
At this point, whenever she calls sobbing to me that they're never going to get pregnant, all I want to do is say: "Stop running, you're so selfish that you won't even stop running for the sake of trying to have a baby - after you've dropped in excess of $15k on trying to conceive. Why don't you think and praise the child you do have instead of sobbing about the child you won't slow down to have." Her other child puts himself into time-out and starts crying - when he's done nothing wrong. I firmly believe there's a reason he's doing this - to get attention - because if my sister isn't at work, she's at the gym or running instead of taking care of her son.
Instead, all I say is "I'm sorry and I wish there was something we could do for you so you wouldn't have to go through this" thinking to myself, I know what we can do, we can tie you to a bed... then maybe you'll get some meat on your bones and you'll be able to conceive. Of course I would never say this to her because it's been said to her in the past by my parents - all that does is put more coal in the already burning fire of anger between my sister and my family. I continue to be there for her and try to support her in any way I can - I just don't know what to do anymore or how more to console her.
I'm at a loss - any suggestions welcome.
