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#170354 - 04/16/07 11:52 AM Long-Distance Relationship Advice
JayJota Offline
New Member

Registered: 04/16/07
Posts: 2
I need some LDR advice.
I am turning 22 y.o. in a month, my gf is 20 y.o. and is about to finish her first year as a college student, shes in missourri, while im in new jersey, I met her when she was a senior in h.s. and 19 y.o., I had already finished my college years. Well this is the thing, before she had went off to college, I went with her to her senior prom, where I witnessed her grabbing some guy's ass, and later that night grabbing his "inner-thigh" (as she says), right in front of me.... i didnt make a big deal, for I wouldn't kill someones special night, but later that night in the hotel, i did let her know i saw her do that, and she cried and apologized. she's given her phone number out to a few guys, and they called when she was with me,.... well this is the thing, these thoughts and experiences with her haunt me all the time, and it takes a toll on the relationship. now out of no-where she wants to go to parties and what not, which i understand, but I cant help but remember those moments..... especially because when I met her, it was because she started kicking it to me, meanwhile she was going out with someone else. and supposedly loved him. she says she loves me, so how can i believe that shes not gona do the same thing again? How can I really trust someone who's like this, and is going through college, Should I just tell her to call me in another 3 years when she graduates?

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#170357 - 04/16/07 12:16 PM Re: Long-Distance Relationship Advice [Re: JayJota]
Tweets Offline
Long Time Friend

Registered: 03/05/07
Posts: 938
Loc: Utah
She sounds like she is fairly immature still. It might be wise to let her go and hope she grows up. However that is a decision only you can make. Having a relationship where you don't feel you can trust the other person isn't very healthy for you. Rather than waste time on worrying whether or not she is being faithful to you, you could be focusing on a relationship with someone else who IS worthy of trust! smile Unfortunately, I don't think she is likely to change the behavior she has been engaging in until she has grown up some. The tears that night were most likely a way for her to play with your emotions. (Trust me lots of girls do it!) My personal opinion is that if you don't have trust you don't have a relationship! If you DO want to continue the relationship you HAVE to forgive and forget or it won't work for either of you. smile
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#170473 - 04/16/07 06:21 PM Re: Long-Distance Relationship Advice [Re: Tweets]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
I agree ~ trust is paramount in a relationship.

This girl enjoys flirting ~ so do lots of people ~ but this sounds as if she is not ready for a relationship that involves commitment.

That's just the feeling I get.

Why not ask her.


Edited by PDM (04/16/07 06:21 PM)
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#170824 - 04/17/07 05:22 PM Re: Long-Distance Relationship Advice [Re: Tweets]
JayJota Offline
New Member

Registered: 04/16/07
Posts: 2
Originally Posted By: Tweets
If you DO want to continue the relationship you HAVE to forgive and forget or it won't work for either of you. smile


I can forgive, but I won't forget.... how could I truly say I'm going to forget?

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#170924 - 04/17/07 07:09 PM Re: Long-Distance Relationship Advice [Re: JayJota]
Tweets Offline
Long Time Friend

Registered: 03/05/07
Posts: 938
Loc: Utah
Yes it is difficult to forget but possible!! I promise it is possible! Easy.. NO definetly not! But possible yes! smile If you have truly forgiven... you will forget! I know this is possible from personal experience!! smile
_________________________
Thanks 3budgies for my AWESOME AVATAR!! \:\)
Tulip adopted 3/05/2007
Tweets RIP

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#177122 - 05/03/07 03:51 PM Re: Long-Distance Relationship Advice [Re: Tweets]
albmike526 Offline
New Member

Registered: 05/03/07
Posts: 3
not to sound shallow and insensitive but kick her to the curb and move on. iF she is gonna grab another guy like that infront of you think of what she will do when your not around.

Dating a girl who is a freshman in college is like playing pingpong with a blind person it just doesnt work. Long distance no less. If your love is real you can meant up at a later time in your lives.

She doesnt love you cause love without trust and compassion for the other person does not exist.

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#177693 - 05/04/07 08:12 PM Re: Long-Distance Relationship Advice [Re: albmike526]
Aerial Offline
Best Friend

Registered: 02/14/05
Posts: 1925
Once trust is gone, it's extremely difficult to build up that side of the relationship again. You tend to still wonder if they're playing around, that suspicion may go away in time and although you may have forgiven, it's difficult to forget in some cases.

Long distance relationships can and definitely do work. A prime example here is of our men and women fighting in the wars.

At 20 she is still very young and as has already been said, somewhat immature to be acting and behaving in such a manner. Yes it was a special night but then was there the need to grope a guy that way? That was uncalled for. Were the tears genuine or because she'd been 'busted'.

You sound as though you're more mature and my advice would be don't give your heart away just yet, you have many years ahead of you to fall in love with the right girl.

If this is in fact true love, it will stand the test of time and distance.


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#198317 - 07/10/07 11:26 PM Re: Long-Distance Relationship Advice [Re: Aerial]
Tequila Offline
Companion

Registered: 05/31/07
Posts: 142
Loc: Virginia
I'm gonna end up in a long-distance relationship as well. Both of us are in the military and were in the same command until I checked out on leave before reporting to my next command in October. Since I am on leave (will be attending school for a month next month for my next command), she and I have been going out and seeing each other every evening. We started out as friends last year, with me being her mentor and always supportive and available for her, and one thing led to another. Like myself, she's been in the Navy for almost 12 yrs. (a year behind me) and is a year younger than me (33 yrs old/I'm 34., like me, she never married or had kids/had a breakup 3 yrs. ago from her boyfriend cheating on her and never dated until I came along). She was difficult to be asked out for a date when requested before by other guys. I'm glad she said "yes" the first time I asked her out. She has even smiled more and talked more often because of that. Other being both beautiful both inside and outside, it is difficult to find another woman like my age that is in the same predicament as her. What makes her my special lady is that she has a quiet dignity about her, yet very pleasant and sweet to talk to. Both of us are patient and willing to listen to each other. We can talk to each other about anything and everytime I see her, I get that smile on my face. And when I'm stressed out, her radiating presence just makes me relaxed. And, because she doesn't smoke or drink, she looks 10 yrs. younger. And she thinks the same way of me. We both have similar height, (I'm 5"6, she's 5"4) and similar in interests/demeanor/maturity. Only difference is our religion/ethnicity, which makes us look odd to some (she's African-American, I'm Filipino-American). Before she and I eloped, I was also broken up from an engagement 4 yrs. ago. Although I did some occassional dating, I never went steady with anyone for 4 yrs. until she and I took a particular interest in each other. Since both of us are a rare kind for our age group, we are afraid of losing each other and vowed to contact each other long distance. And since my residence at my new command will be 4 hrs. away, we plan to visit and spend time together every weekend unless one of us has duty or deploy. She will be transferring in August of next year and I do hope she won't end up stationed outside of Virginia. That's the part that scares us the most. I don't know how one can deal with the other if one of use is seeing someone else. She or I would be devastated. Both of uas almost cried the day I checked out of my command and told her goodbye and realized that I'll never see her again except on our own time. I'm used to seeing her at work/lunch everyday, giving her advice/wisdom, and doing mostly our dating on the weekends instead of everyday just like right now.


Edited by Tequila (07/10/07 11:31 PM)

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#200576 - 07/19/07 04:20 PM Re: Long-Distance Relationship Advice [Re: Tequila]
sala Offline
Friend

Registered: 07/18/07
Posts: 254
It sounds like you have something good there, Tequila.

To Jay... I tend to agree with mike, it's time to start looking for somebody who won't play around with you. Unless you really trust her, the distance probably won't work.

But... distance relationships definitely can work. I am in one, and fear I may always be. Husband's military, and I think we've had a TOTAL of less than 6 months actually in the same 60 mile radius of each other over.. I guess about 3.5 years now. The internet does wonders.

That said, I am of the mind that every couple should be forced to go through some period of forced separation. The impressions I get are that most relationships can't handle it, but the ones that do turn out okay.

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#200614 - 07/19/07 06:11 PM Re: Long-Distance Relationship Advice [Re: sala]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Some food for thought there, sal!
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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