RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Breaking Up Getting them back...

Hi there,

Well, my boyfriend broke up with me a month ago. He said that he thought we weren't meant for each other. In this month I've been texting him like crazy, and I know that was wrong of me.

Yesterday I saw him again, and it was the first time we saw each other since 'the breakup'. I apologised for texting and he said that it was okay, that I shouldn't worry so much.

In these text messages I told him that I still loved him so much and really wanted to try again. He said: 'the more you're trying, the more i'm distancing myself from you. Eventually we'll meet again, calm down first and you'll get the answers to your questions yourself ('Do you still love me? And if not, did you love me at all?').

So yesterday, we met again, at a party. I talked to him for a minute or two, about his little sister and my mother. I didn't catch him looking at me or anything, but I really was trying to ignore him a little bit. Like I said, I apologised and he said it was okay. I said: 'I guess I can't kiss you?' He said no, but I kissed him on his cheek. Then we said goodbye.

So there's loads of stuff I'd like to do, but I'll need to know what you think of it first .

I'm thinking about:

- Sending him a text message that says: I still love you, do I
have a chance with you?

- Giving him three letters: a normal one, a romantic one and one
that tells him straight out what I think?

- Doing nothing...

- Asking him if he'd like to go out with me some time...

Some things I'd like to add is: when we broke up I said 'I love you' and he said 'I love you too.' But when I'm trying he's distancing himself...

Can I do something to get him back? What can I do?

Thank you very much for all your advice!

Did he specify why he thought you weren't meant for each other? is it something you could have worked on?

It sounds like he's trying to go about this very logically, so trying to appeal to him emotionally probably won't help you much--he said this himself.

The three letters idea is one I haven't heard before, and may have some merit. The only big problem I see would be that it might completely confuse him.

-My thoughts, I'm sure other people will have more to add.

In the beginning of our relationship he told me that he's a busy guy and that he wouldn't always have time for me. I told him that it was alright, as long as we could be together.

But after a while he only wanted to stop by twice a week and went away for the weekend with his friends. So I told him that I wanted to spend more time with him.

He told me that he barely saw his friends anymore because of this relationship, so I said that we could go to his friends together. I also said that replying to a message I sent him would be nice and he promised to do so, because he loved me.

A week later it was over. He never actually told me that this was a problem, though. Now I feel so stupid, because he had told me that he wouldn't always have time for me.

Can you live with seeing him only once a week? once every two weeks? even less? (bearing in mind that saying something and living it are two different things)

If so, then you may want to apologize for your past behavior and tell him this. From what you say, it sounds to me like he still cares about you, but recognizes that, as it is/was, the relationship probably wouldn't work out.

If not, then you should probably try to detach yourself from him, as it sounds like he is from you.


(There may also be other things playing into this that you might not have realized yet.)

I think that some men can feel trapped by relationships. They want to have fun with their mates, and a girlfriend can get in the way of this. It depends on the person, of course, but I think that a lot of young men fear being tied down too soon.

I would apologize to him, but there's never the right moment. I've asked him if it's okay if I stopped by to talk, but he said that was impossible because he had to be somewhere else or had to do something else. I've also asked him if he was using his schedule to avoid me, but he said that was nonsense.

Should I ask him again to meet me or just wait until we run into each other? My friends tell me I should wait a week or two before contacting him again.

By the way, I'm sorry if there are some mistakes in my posts, English is not my first language... And thank you so much, it helps a lot to talk to some one who isn't prejudiced.

I just have one last question. I've decided to apologize and wrote him a letter. Should I give it to him in person or just put it in his mailbox?

Personally, I'd mail it.
Otherwise he might see it as an excuse to speak to him ~ and it sounds like he wants some time apart ~ at least for a while.

I've mailed the letter, but he didn't react in any way. I've already told him that 'maybe friendship isn't that bad' and 'that I didn't regret a thing' but I didn't mean it.

I still want him back, but him not reacting is clear enough, right? What do you think I should do? Is there still a way of getting him back or should I just let go?

If he's not responding then maybe you should back off a little bit. I don't think texting anymore would help.