Hi, I assume that you are welcoming an opinion because you are posting so here goes.
First, without posting anything too personal, I have had a couple of relationships where I learned a few things the hard way. It may as well benefit someone besides me.
I see you say that this guy just told you that he loves you and how much he wants to be with you. You say you told each other. If the telling each other was pretty much at the same time, perhaps he felt compelled to tell you he loved you if you told him first. There is nothing more awkward than someone telling you that they love you if you don't quite feel the same. Guy's usually just say I love you too. They don't know what else to do, cause they aren't real good about talking about feelings.
But for argument sake, let's say he told you first. You obviously loved him and were happy to tell him you loved him. Now you are able to really show him because it has been said. Now is when he may have been uncomfortable with the level of love and affection you were showing him. It may have made him want to cool it off a little.
As far as the girlfriend goes! What do you mean you understaned a guy's gotta get some:p If he loves you more and you are there then he doesn't need the other girlfriend. Unless you neglected to say that you don't give him any:p Now, we are talking about a whole other thing. If he loves you and I mean really loves you then he would be devoted to you whether there was:p or not. But if he is keeping the other girl for the:p and is telling you that he loves you more then he is playing you so you will give him what he wants which is:p and Love. Or he just wants:p In which case he is really playing you.
In my humble opinion, you shouldn't sell yourself so short. If he really loved you he would be with you since you have made it very clear how you feel. If he loves you he wouldn't be with that other girl for any reason. If he truly loves you both then you need to tell him to decide what he wants(just not yet). Because until you do, you won't know whether he is just playing you to get:p or if he really does love you. If he doesn't give up the girlfriend, then kick him to the curb.
As for why is he suddenly changed? It isn't your imagination, he is just unwilling to tell you the truth. He either doesn't feel as strongly as you do, or he doesn't really care for you like he said. Or he is having a hard time deciding between the two of you.
You are making yourself way to available. You have been tolerant of the other relationship when you shouldn't have been. You have made it easy for him to have you both. When he tells you that it is no big thing, it is because it isn't to him. That is because he has someone to keep him warm. You on the other hand are waiting there for him when ever he gets good and ready to call. You need to give him some time to think about what is going on with you.
Don't call and give him an ultimatum . Don't call period. Don't return his calls for a while. Don't e-mail and don't go where he goes. Get yourself a new look and a hot outfit. Get your nails done. Get your hair done. Get a new piercing. Get an attractive new feminine tatoo on your ankle or back. Loose 5 or 10 pounds. And the next time you see him. Ignore him. Don't tell him you are seeing anyone else. Don't be seen with anyone else. Hang with your girlfriends. When you do get ready to see him again in about 4 weeks minimum. Go someplace where you know he will see you. Be with two girlfriends. Not one, but two. That way it won't look like you are meeting someone. It also won't look like you both are looking to pick someone up. Just an innocent evening out with the girls.
Now, this is the important part, You can talk to him. You can make small talk. You do not let on like you have missed him. You do not tell him what you have been up too. You act like you have been way too busy to even think about him. You don't ask him why he hasn't called. You let him know that he does'nt owe you anything. After all you know he has a girlfriend. Yada yada Yada. YOU DON'T GO HOME WITH HIM. You tell him it was nice seeing him again and you walk out and leave.
He will call. He will probably follow you out. He will be desperate to get together. He will be persuing you now. He will be doing this for one of two reasons. Number one Because he is attracted to you and the male animal likes to persue. Number two he realizes how interesting and attractive you are and really does care. Now is when you have a chance to do it right this time. Don't sell yourself short. If you do talk to him on the phone and he wants to see you. Ask him if he is still seeing his girlfriend. If he is, you tell him that that is never going to work. If he wants to date you he is going to have to break it off with her. Tell him that when he does break it off to call you back. Be sweet and understanding but stick to your guns.
Oh and by the way, if you have been giving:p in the past. Don't do it anymore until you have a committment in the form of a ring. Trust me, If you want him and you want to know if he is serious you have to give him something to work for. He isn't going to be serious about something that he can get any day any time for nothing.
By the way if you think this is manipulation and dishonest. It isn't, it is just stopping what you are doing and realizing that there are men out there that will tell you anything to get what they want and they will do just about anything they want if you are willing to settle for it.
Settleing for it means that if you don't respect yourself and what you have to offer as special and worth them giving up everyone and everything else to be with you then they won't think your special either.
Last but not least; if he does not respond the way I have said when you see him, and if he does not call, then he definitly does not love you. He was just lieing like the dog he is. Don't waste anymore time on this looser and now you know how to treat the next one. Because now you know how to treat your self.
Remember, if you settle for less, that is what you get.
Last edited by PDM; 11/30/07 01:24 AM. Reason: paragraphs for ease of reading
