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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 778
Long Time Friend
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Long Time Friend
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 778 |
Carl:
I have a past too - and a current, which is still playing itself out in my life. Life can be difficult at times, and admittedly...women are my weakness.
I'm lucky to have my wife and I acknowledge that. She's much better than I am and I probably don't deserve her. But I do know that she's my strength.
But, life is too complex to treat as a simple thing. So, I choose to live with its complexities and I endure the consequences.
Love can be hell!
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 778
Long Time Friend
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Long Time Friend
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 778 |
And Victor...I'm not suggesting that it's okay for those that look for it because that indicates a total lack of respect for your spouse.
I'm just saying that life is a complex thing and sometimes you will be surprised at what can happen. I don't think it's wise to turn away someone who can give you something you need at a given time in your life. And sometimes these people can come in the softer, curvier and most etheral package!
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
True Blue Soulmate
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True Blue Soulmate
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697 |
I think that someone said something about platonic friendships and about not having lunch together, etc, because you don't know where it might lead.
Well, this set me thinking, because I have had friendships with males, and had lunch with male friends.
I don't know if these friendships could, in certain circumstances, turn into anything else, because I just don't let them. They are friendships and I am in a faithful marriage and that's that.
That's the thing, these men may be really nice and attractive people ~ after all, you wouldn't really want to be friends otherwise ~ and if I wasn't married, then who knows how the relationships might work out, but because I'm married I don't know. It's not an option. These are friendships & not romances.
My husband knows these people. He has lunch with women from work. I trust him and he trusts me.
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,925
Best Friend
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OP
Best Friend
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,925 |
Unfortunately this scenario has a sad ending. The woman suicided last week. She was in such a low mental state that she couldn't cope with constantly finding the photos buried in his computer, his laptop, his flashdiscs etc. etc. She'd delete them and find them replaced.
This man has been extremely foolish and lost the love of a good woman all because of a few brief days of what he called fun.
Male menopause - why can't they remember that the year they were born in never changes, no matter what.
I'll miss this lovely lady, she didn't deserve this.
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
True Blue Soulmate
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True Blue Soulmate
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697 |
Originally posted by Aerial: Unfortunately this scenario has a sad ending. The woman suicided last week. She was in such a low mental state that she couldn't cope with constantly finding the photos buried in his computer, his laptop, his flashdiscs etc. etc. She'd delete them and find them replaced.
This man has been extremely foolish and lost the love of a good woman all because of a few brief days of what he called fun.
Male menopause - why can't they remember that the year they were born in never changes, no matter what.
I'll miss this lovely lady, she didn't deserve this. Just in case someone missed the first post in the thread, here it is; Originally posted by Aerial: What are your thoughts on this topic? If your spouse/partner cheats do you forgive and forget? Yes much would depend on the age here I'm sure.
Is there such a thing as 'male menopause' when males seem to try and rediscover their youth with younger women?
This has recently happened to a neighbour, she's in her 40's and been married for 18 years. He's recently been on a holiday to the Philippines and had 'a great time' which involved girls younger than his daughter and son. The wife had a breakdown because in her words 'how do I compete against a girl younger than my own children'.
What is it with men (I'm just using this scenario as an example) that they find the need to reach out to younger women? Is it that they're afraid of growing old? What about the women they leave behind? Do they stop to think of the hurt inflicted?
What are your thoughts.
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
True Blue Soulmate
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True Blue Soulmate
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697 |
This is, indeed, a sad scenario, Aerial. I'm really sorry about your friend.
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,347
Best Friend
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Best Friend
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,347 |
Well that is just a terrible story and I'm sorry to hear it.
After hearing the points of Mark and PDM - both of whom I respect - I can only say that we each have to do what works for us and works for our marriage. There never is a one size fits all recipe, that's for sure.
Maybe I just don't want to find out how I would do in a tempting situation, so I don't let myself get tempted. Frankly, I am so busy with work, home, etc, that I don't meet many new people, and fortunately I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything.
I do think that whatever "needs" might be filled outside of marriage -physical, emotional, spiritual, whatever - they need to be measured against the consequences they can bring to the marriage -whether it is pain, loss of trust, suspicion, STD, sufferring - or total devestation - such as appears the case with Aerial's friend.
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
True Blue Soulmate
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True Blue Soulmate
Joined: Dec 2004
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Originally posted by victor: ..After hearing the points of Mark and PDM - both of whom I respect - I can only say that we each have to do what works for us and works for our marriage. There never is a one size fits all recipe, that's for sure.
... Yes, I think it may depend on the people & the circumstances.
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
True Blue Soulmate
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True Blue Soulmate
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697 |
Now that we have a section for relationships, I thought I'd move this thread. Maybe someone will have something new to add??
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
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