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#283785 - 04/24/08 04:43 PM Re: Lessons Learned From Marriage [Re: masseur ichi]
suzzie Offline
Long Time Friend

Registered: 03/30/08
Posts: 612
Loc: oklahoma
ive been married for almost 2 yrs now..its my 2nd marrige....the first one didnt work out becasue we didnt have the same idea of what family should be..we was to young,,too young..we thought of are selves more then the other...with my 2nd marrige,,its soo great..we like alot of the same things and we just laugh at each other all the time..yes i said "at each other" if you cant laugh at the stupid stuff you do and what your hubby does. its not much fun..we think of each other. like how the other would feel ....also what was made are's work so well is we have Rules for each other... some of are rules are about friends, like he can not have a friend thats a girl and i cant have a friend that a boy, unlease its a family member or somehting in that line..see bouth are ex's cheated on us , so that was a rule we was both happy to make.. there are other rules, but we both agreed happily about each rule we make....also when im about to do something i ask my self "how would i feel or act if my hubby did this" asking your self this helps out on not having fights.....You well fight..alot!!! over small things and big. thats normal..its being about to look bcak at the fight and laugh. and never walk out on each other, stay ,nomatter how hard it is ,stay and fight it out.... and last but not least...make sure the good, all ways out waighs the bad!!!!! hope this helps hehe

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#307175 - 07/03/08 06:13 PM Re: Lessons Learned From Marriage [Re: suzzie]
sala Offline
Friend

Registered: 07/18/07
Posts: 254
Okay, I came back to look at the keet medical stuff and a link to this caught my eye. A friend of mine recently got married and my husband and I put together a list for her:

It's less painful to accept house rules than not.

Nagging can be avoided by remembering your partner's pet peeves.

It doesn't matter if he leaves the seat up.

If you want something done, start it yourself and hope your partner will fix the mistakes.

Arguments aren't for winning.

An agreement to disagree is still an agreement.

Having an excuse is like flying a kite--your partner just watches it blow in the wind.

The well-being of your partner comes before fun.

Just because he's yours doesn't mean you own him.

Similarly, just because she's yours doesn't mean you own her.

Saying "Sorry...." and meaning it isn't as hard as it sounds (even if you think it's not your fault.)

You really can't change a man... but if he knows what's best, he'll change himself.

The woman is NOT always right--just 95% of the time.

Love it.

_________________________
The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on...
-Omar Khayyam

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#307233 - 07/03/08 08:53 PM Re: Lessons Learned From Marriage [Re: sala]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
And never go to sleep without making up, if you have had an argument!
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#310067 - 07/14/08 06:30 PM Re: Lessons Learned From Marriage [Re: PDM]
Kariva Offline
Tin Star Soulmate

Registered: 07/14/06
Posts: 3870
Loc: Sycamore,IL
lol love them

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#311151 - 07/19/08 12:58 AM Re: Lessons Learned From Marriage [Re: Kariva]
Darkness Offline
Soulmate

Registered: 05/26/08
Posts: 2237
I have no good advice that hasn't already been given. I'm actually horrible to be with lol.

But congratulations on your new marriage!
_________________________

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#311152 - 07/19/08 01:07 AM Re: Lessons Learned From Marriage [Re: happyfridays_1]
masseur ichi Offline
Long Time Friend

Registered: 08/01/06
Posts: 660
Loc: USA
The more you have to work at it, the more it isn't working. I know that sounds idiotic and circular but I can't think of another way to put it. Communication and clarity are, nevertheless, key.

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#313426 - 07/26/08 08:43 AM Re: Lessons Learned From Marriage [Re: masseur ichi]
Lady78 Offline
Good Friend

Registered: 07/24/08
Posts: 306
Loc: TX
Do not hang on to pride if you love oneanother.

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#316622 - 08/03/08 09:39 PM Re: Lessons Learned From Marriage [Re: masseur ichi]
Pudgie's mom
Unregistered


Originally Posted By: masseur ichi
The more you have to work at it, the more it isn't working. I know that sounds idiotic and circular but I can't think of another way to put it. Communication and clarity are, nevertheless, key.
I agree, sadly. I think that there can definitely be a point of no return -- endlessly analyzing and arguing can become exhausting and can seem utterly pointless.

So when do you give up?

And are you working at it because one person is selfish and insensitive, or because you're both just having a communication breakdown? In the latter case, maybe a little more work might lead to a breakthrough that could save the marriage (or not...)...


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#316625 - 08/03/08 09:51 PM Re: Lessons Learned From Marriage [Re: ]
Pudgie's mom
Unregistered


One lesson I've learned from marriage is to try your best to have a very open and honest discussion before getting married about setting boundaries with relatives.

Everyone's heard the stories about the "mama's boy" husband who can't really function without his mother playing a key role in the marriage, but less extreme situations can be a major problem, too:

(1) Your brother-in-law has a key to your house for emergencies but you come back from vacation and there he is on your couch, simply because he "needed to get away from the wife."
(2) His niece gets $100 gift for high school graduation but my nephew only "deserves" $25.
(3) Aunt Bertha drops by unexpectedly every Sunday -- it thus becomes "expected" but you're still inconvenienced.
(4) Various brothers keep "crashing" at your house every time they're in town; the stays are never to visit you but rather to buy a vehicle, see a concert, party with old buddies, etc.
(5) Uncle Joe has yet another "crisis" for which your spouse has to drop everything (including your dinner plans) and go see him; this has happened six times this summer......

I understand that we all want to "be there" for our relatives, but I think that the marriage should come first and foremost.

Okay - done ranting! smile

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#317002 - 08/05/08 12:50 PM Re: Lessons Learned From Marriage [Re: ]
masseur ichi Offline
Long Time Friend

Registered: 08/01/06
Posts: 660
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Pudgie's mom
[L]ess extreme situations can be a major problem, too:

(1) Your brother-in-law has a key to your house for emergencies but you come back from vacation and there he is on your couch, simply because he "needed to get away from the wife."
(2) His niece gets $100 gift for high school graduation but my nephew only "deserves" $25.
(3) Aunt Bertha drops by unexpectedly every Sunday -- it thus becomes "expected" but you're still inconvenienced.
(4) Various brothers keep "crashing" at your house every time they're in town; the stays are never to visit you but rather to buy a vehicle, see a concert, party with old buddies, etc.
(5) Uncle Joe has yet another "crisis" for which your spouse has to drop everything (including your dinner plans) and go see him; this has happened six times this summer......


This stuff gets under one's skin after awhile. Filial loyalty means different things to different families, too. This can create issues as couples try to "equalize" the differences. You won't understand it until you're married.

Originally Posted By: PDM
And never go to sleep without making up, if you have had an argument!


Agreed, never go to sleep angry!


Edited by masseur ichi (08/05/08 01:34 PM)

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