RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Does He/She Like Me? boyfriend...issues..sort of? please I need advice

So, the other day my boyfriend of a year and three months and I had a conversation. It went along the lines of...he doesn't think he is in love with me anymore =[. Crushing blow. To top it off, he says he realized this while I was in Spain (I went only for a month, it was for college, but i got SO homesick I came home..and it was no fun to go out when I had a boyfriend to be good to back home). So, basically he had lied to me about it for a month or so. Well, I told him that i would have to stop talking to him. I said it would hurt me to much to just be pals because I see my entire life with him, now, and years from now (I know I'm young, but if you knew the relationship I spent highschool suffering through, i think I know what I feel). well, he got emotional. He said that I am his best friend and his girl friend and the idea of not seeing and talking to me like he does everyday hurts. WELL DUH! So the next day my abusive ex called my house and talked to me about him coming home and us living together and making it work(not a xxxxxxxx change in you know where). I told Matt (my boyfriend) and he got really defensive and upset, he knows what happened to me and hates the guy for it all. A couple days after that he came over and decided he wanted us to work things out. And that maybe it was just the honeymoon love wearing off (we aren't married no confusion just the new love). So for the past few weeks things have been ok..but I can't help but think things feel different..almost like we are distant. I worry now when it will be over for real. It hurts to think that when I was gone all I could think about was him, when i was surrounded by guys that normally I would been extremely attracted to. All I could do was think about how much fun I would have if matt was there with me. It hurts me to think that while I was realizing that for me it was the real deal, he was realizing that maybe it wasn't. I'm his first girlfriend and everything after that. I love him so much..and now..I just don't know what I should do...he seems happy now..and the subject hasn't come up since...please..I need some helpful advice here..I know I'm young..but please.

sorry it's really confusing. and long. I just don't get guys I guess. And I should add that even though it feels like we are distant he still does little things that show he cares. He takes care of me and dotes on me when I don't need it. And today he bought me this claddagh ring I wanted for $8 cause i didn't have my money. He is still cute sometimes..maybe he is just settling in and I am just on edge and paranoid?

I think I'm crazy.

thanks for your time reading that. =D

Helo birdygirly016

You say that you are young ~ but how young?
And are you both the same age?

Young love can last. My husband was my first boyfriend. We met at college when we were in our teens. We are now in our 50s ~ and we are still happy together.

However, people do change ~ and big changes can occur as people leave their teens and enter their 20s. I have seen a number of 'established couples' split up around that time, only to find their true, life-time soul-mates shortly afterwards.

All I can say is see how it goes. If it is meant to last, it will. If it isn't, it won't. Worrying about it won't help.

It sounds as if you two are very close and care about each other a lot, so you won't want to hurt each other, but you must remember that if you stay together, when one or both of you is no longer in love, neither of you will be happy.

Enjoy each other's company, but don't put pressure on yourselves, each other or the relationship.

Good luck!

thanks for the advice =D I am 18 almost 19 and he is 21..so youngish. I had a relationship before him and that guy was awful to me, but i had convinced myself he was the one. when it didn't work I found matt and have been happy ever since..until this..I don't want him to feel obligated if he isn't happy..but he says he is. psht. guys.

Hi birdygirl, Sounds like you're going through a rough time Relationships can be confusing at any age not just when you're young. It sounds like your bf has given it some thought about your breaking up and he's come to the conclusion that he wants things to work. All relationships have their ups and downs and it's getting through the rough parts that make a relationship stronger.Take it one day at a time,sounds like you do make each other happy.So try to get the trust back-without trust no relationship can last.
As far as "young love" lasting, well...I've been with my husband since I was 17 and he was 23. We moved in together right after I graduated highschool and got married 5 years after that.We're still happily married and have 2 kids 19/14. Of course we had our ups and downs, even some MAJOR downs, but never cheated on each other and going through the bad times made us stronger.
So anyway, if you really do love each other then I think you owe it to eachother to see where it goes from here. Good luck with whatever you decide. And if things don't work out then maybe it just wasn't meant to be. You are both still very young and you have plenty of time to find the "right" one. And like PDM said if one of you is not happy then neither of you will be.

thanks! I love to hear stories like that. I met him when I was 17..and I do believe he saved me from my ex. He knows he did. Thank you for the advice..I just have so much trouble understanding him sometimes. He is such a sweet guy. an exact opposite of my ex (who I dated for 3 years!). He buys for me (and I buy for him if I get the check first haha), he never abuses me, or tries to hurt me intentionally..it's nice, which makes it hard to tell when he is unhappy. All his friend abandoned him..so really he doesn't have anyone but me right now =[..I always wonder whether he just doesn't want to be alone, or he really wants to be with me..haha. it's silly I know..but likeI said, he is so opposite what I am used to that i don't know what to do. Thanks so much for that though. My mom is worried that I will get married at 18 like she did and regret it, so sometimes she is against the relationship. However, both my parents love matt. My dad and him work on the snowmobiles together, my car (haha) and other household things. It makes me feel better that my dad has someone to help because he will be 61 this year. My dad loves matt because he makes me happy in a non-abusive way. My dad is just glad his little girl is in good hands..which makes me proud of matt (if that makes sense) that he has won my dad's trust. =D it's weird sounding...I don't know. I just don't want to lose him. He is too good to just say good bye to.

Sounds like you can't get over thinking "too good to be true" and your just waiting for it to all blow up? All I can say is take it one day at a time. Be honest with each other- if something is bothering either of you or something pees you off then let em know.You've got to have trust and give each other space to do your own thing sometimes without the other one getting all jealous.
BTW why did all his friends abandoned him? That sucks!
Good to hear your parents like him-makes things easier Sounds like he and dad are getting close-cool. And I agree with mom-DON"T get married anytime soon! 19 is WAY too young! Live a little while you still can! There will always be time to get married later. Personally I don't see where a piece of paper makes a difference anyway, except for maybe tax purposes or if you decide to have kids of course. Other than that???IDK
And as for having trouble understanding him..Do we EVER??? LOLS

Yeah, my plans to get married are in the future a bit. i do want to have kids semi-youngish (not now but in the nearer future of a few years from now or more). I was born into a "grown up" family. No cousins my age (though they loved me the same), and my only grandparent that I knew and was very close to, died when i was 10 =[. I want my kids to have so quality memories with their grandparents and other cousins. However I'm not going to rush and have a baby just for that, when the time is right, I will know =D.
You are right though, the too good to be true is in my head. After what I went through, it seems like I don't even deserve this good. ANd again, him and dad are getting close which is amazing, because my dad has a way of making my mom see things his way..especially when it comes to me and who I date. I was shocked my dad was so cool with the near 3 year age difference, but matt is not like every out-for-sex guy that can be found more and more easily these days =\. And my dad knows that, so he trusts matt to do right by his baby girl =D I win. haha. We do need to be honest with eachother. I think we will have a conversation about this soon, I need to get it off my chest. I want him to be happy and if being with me is happy then YAY, and if not..then so be it. Thanks for your advice! I really do appreciate someone to talk to that isn't going to backstab me (while I was in spain, my "best friend" decided to tell matt to get a new girlfriend, nice I know). His friends abandoned him for different reasons. One didn't like me and the other (that I still talk to) didn't like that matt didn't want to always go sit and watch people play xbox (their way of hanging out). He still has casual friends that he can hang out with every now and then, but no close friends =[.

haha you're right we really never can understand guys. when we think we have them, we don't haha. but I do know how he likes his subway sandwich and that seems to be enough for him (we are splitting one for dinner) haha. a way to a man's heart is partway through his stomach haha. that is so true. make him good food, and he is yours forever. =D lol

Yep, the way to a man's heart and all lols. Kinda like a faithful dog huh? haha They really are so clueless.
I definitely hear ya about wanting kids when you're still kind of young. Hell, I was 28 when I had my first and 33 when I had my second! And oh yeah!! Hubby and I both agree we should've started younger lols But in a way it was good cause we got all the wild stuff out of our systems before we brought kids into the picture. It just took us a while to get there I guess lols. Now at 47 I'm sooo ready for grandkids but since my oldest is 19 (almost 20) like you hehe I guess I can wait a few more years..sigh
BTW..what did you say to your so called "best friend" when you heard what she said?

I read what she said in an IM it was cruel stuff. I confronted her (over the internet, sadly, it was the only way whilei was in Spain). She denied half of it and when I told her I knew she was lying she told me how much like my ex boyfriend i am and basically I am an awful person. she's a real catch i tell you =P

It is definitely good to wait for a while until you have savings and a house and money saved for the baby stuff not to mention health insurance to have children. It isn't that people aren't ready emotionally. Things can happen and when money problems enter the picture, stress can destroy any relationship. Believe it or not, making sure you both are on the same wave length when it comes to things like child rearing can be more important that some of the personal things between the two of you. When you have children, you will have all of the motherly instincts kick in and you will definitely want to know he is diciplining and treating your children the way you like. First things first though. It is good to wait for the most important reason, and that is that your friends and the announcement he made the other day has shown you one truth. That truth is that you can never take anything for granted but time makes your judgement a little more reliable. I was married at 18 after knowing my husband four months. If I had it to do over again, I would have waited and I would have listened to that voice in my head that didn't like the arguing and thought there was something wrong. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks except you. By the way, you describe the people who dropped him as friends and you refer to the girl that tried to stab you in the back as a friend. We used to refer to those kinds of friends as "fair weather" and "back stabbers" when I was dateing. In my opinion young love is hard enough without friends like that and your better off without them. I am sure that making an effort to find new friends in common will only cement the bond between you since guy's like to have friends as much as we do. It will probably fill a void left by his best friends.(so called)

Yeah, I definitely planned on waiting to have kids until I could afford them and was ready ALL around for them. Nothing soon. I have college =D. But not when i am too much older. yeah the "friends" we had weren't that great, but we were happy with them until they were..jerks. The irony, his ex best friend is dating my ex best friend. hmmm. I think my ex friend effected things between them, whether she admits it or not, i think she did something there. because I always liked his friend. mutual friends are good though.

I feel awful thatit happened that way =[. It hurt him even if he says it doesn't bother him and he could care less, I know it bothers him. It hurts me to see that =[. I have known my ex friend was full of it. It was only a matter of time until she did something like that. Before I left for Spain I told matt to stay away from her because I feared she would do something like that, and she did. But his friend and him had been friends for a long time, my friend and I had too, but I feel like they were closer to brothers. They even LOOKED alike. It makes me sad, I wish I could fix things for him.

I am going to take a wild guess here. I think your friend had designs on your guy and when he didn't take the bait she took his best friend and poisoned their friendship out of spite. She is bad news and I would stay away from her. She will burn her bridges with the best friend and he will see her for who she is. She probably told her boyfriend that your boyfriend made a pass at her. There are women out there that are snakes. Give it time and it will fix itself. Until then, no one will probably be able to convince him that she is two faced.

I agree with joanandboys.Your so called friend probably did have the hots for your Matt. She sounds like a total back stabbing B**** to me. Good riddance! I also think that if Matt's best friend was really that close a friend, he will see the light about this girl soon enough.You can't fix the friendship for him..they'll have to work it out themselves.
Don't let what your ex friend said about you bother you. She was just trying to hurt you so she said the things she knew would hurt the most ie:comparing you to your ex. You Know better than that so don't even listen to the jealous B****.

It makes me laugh that you all came to the same conclusion me and my other friend did. My other friend was so upset about what she did (they don't know eachother) she sent her an IM telling her that sorry she liked matt and maybe his looks weren't her friends ideal guy for her, but if she kept trying to get into my relationship she was going to lose. I laughed. It's true. I do think she liked matt because he is a NICE guy. his best friendish thing isn't exactly the nicest boyfriend. When we would hang out together he would pick on her and be mean in ways that weren't always friendly and then she would see Matt and I jjust having a good time enjoying eachothers company. I don't think she ever thought I would get a guy that good to me after my ex.I don't think she would have said anything about matt making a pass at her, her guy knows matt wouldn't do that, he knows how matt feels about her (which is VERY badly). What I think is that she would talk me down to him, telling him bad things and what an awful person I am, and it would make him mad that matt would stay with me. She is a snake...it's sad though, we were friends for 7 years. since the end of 5th grade. In a way though, I think her and his best friend are made for eachother, they both have vile personalities. He is mean to her, and she lets him walk all over her, she loves to cause drama and problems for other people. it's like what goes around comes around. She will not get matt. haha. even on the off chance we broke up, he really never cared a whole lot for her, he was just nice for my behalf, which I gladly told her that night we had the talk. I know it's mean, but I had to tell her that matt doesn't even like her, which was true. I don't think she believed me. ha. =D

the irony about that girl, she claims to be "anti-drama". Yet she goes around and causes drama for other people. It's annoying. However, my life is much more peaceful now that I am purged of her =D