I really need some advice. - 04/18/10 03:07 AM
Okay, I'm new here and I saw your website, and here's my background info for some well-needed advice on what to do.
I'm dating my boyfriend for the fourth time. The first two times he broke up with me 'cause I told him I'd try and do intimate things with him, but I got scared and chickened out at the last minute and ended up not doing it.
The third time was me breaking up with him 'cause my best friend's little sister made a fake MySpace account (Which I honestly didn't know about.) pretending to be some girl who had interest in him. They exchanged messages, and said best friend showed me a print out of what it said. Basically it was stated from my boyfriend that he was single, she was the most beautiful girl he's ever seen, and topped it off with his house number and cell number. I broke up with him, but he was high, and didn't care. My best friend wanted to get revenge by playing the 'best friend rebound' by calling him and telling him how much she liked him. (She didn't really like him, just pretending) He ended up flirting like CRAZY with her.
Well, last summer (2009) I wasn't dating him. I'd dated his ex-best friend (They're ex-best friends 'cause my current boyfriend told ex-best friend that he didn't want him dating me. Well the ex-best friend never told me about their little deal thing, and I ended up dating him for a week.) before, and we didn't hit it off great. I'd sent some pictures of myself to the ex-best friend because I didn't think my current boyfriend and I would get back together, so I went a little too happy with being single. I was trying to appease my hurt feelings by trying to find someone who I thought would make it better. It didn't. I didn't have feelings for the ex-best friend, but I tried to feel like I did, failed miserably and realized that what I did was a very stupid thing that I wished I could take back the next day. (It all happened in one night.)
Over July 4th holidays, we started talking and hanging out, getting back together in October. He confessed that he screwed TWO different girls, claiming he was under the influence and was very, very sorry; that he'd realized how stupid he'd screwed up and what he lost after I broke up with him.
The hard part is, is that I wanted to confess what I did. I told him on the phone that I wanted to tell him something, but I wasn't ready to yet, and that we should put our relationship on hold until I was ready. He kept pushing for what I wanted to tell him because he didn't believe in putting relationships on hold. Out of cowardice of losing the 'security blanket' that I've made him into, the pressure he kept putting on me, and stupidity for lying to him, I told him basically different variations of the incident that happened. From July to October. Now he doesn't trust me. He keeps throwing my mistakes in my face, and when he brings up my past mistakes, I remind him that what he did was certainly no better, he then gets abusive. Verbally and only twice physically. I finally told him the truth, and he said that 'cause I lied so much, he could hardly trust me. (I don't blame him, but he's lied to me before and I try my hardest to trust him when he sometimes shouldn't be trusted)
His respect for women has risen since we first met, but it by no means is the greatest.
I'm greatly in love with him, and everything about him, including his flaws, but the lying, yelling, abusive nature in him is something I can't stand.
Since I've known him for roughly two years and dated him without breakups for that long, I have adopted some of his qualities and became more like him. I'm more jealous, more snappy when it comes to arguments, and I've had a more sense of wanting freedom because he doesn't want me talking to other guys. He CHOOSES not to talk to other women, but I tell him it's fine, that we live in a coed world, but he wants me to CHOOSE to not talk to other guys. I find that hard to follow since there's going to be men in almost every aspect of my life...
What I'm really asking is, is there any hope of us staying together, living a happy life? Also, is it possible that I could help him with his anger? Could I also turn back in to the bubbly person I used to be instead of being his 'rule follower' so to speak? I seriously need some advice.
Thanks.
I'm dating my boyfriend for the fourth time. The first two times he broke up with me 'cause I told him I'd try and do intimate things with him, but I got scared and chickened out at the last minute and ended up not doing it.
The third time was me breaking up with him 'cause my best friend's little sister made a fake MySpace account (Which I honestly didn't know about.) pretending to be some girl who had interest in him. They exchanged messages, and said best friend showed me a print out of what it said. Basically it was stated from my boyfriend that he was single, she was the most beautiful girl he's ever seen, and topped it off with his house number and cell number. I broke up with him, but he was high, and didn't care. My best friend wanted to get revenge by playing the 'best friend rebound' by calling him and telling him how much she liked him. (She didn't really like him, just pretending) He ended up flirting like CRAZY with her.
Well, last summer (2009) I wasn't dating him. I'd dated his ex-best friend (They're ex-best friends 'cause my current boyfriend told ex-best friend that he didn't want him dating me. Well the ex-best friend never told me about their little deal thing, and I ended up dating him for a week.) before, and we didn't hit it off great. I'd sent some pictures of myself to the ex-best friend because I didn't think my current boyfriend and I would get back together, so I went a little too happy with being single. I was trying to appease my hurt feelings by trying to find someone who I thought would make it better. It didn't. I didn't have feelings for the ex-best friend, but I tried to feel like I did, failed miserably and realized that what I did was a very stupid thing that I wished I could take back the next day. (It all happened in one night.)
Over July 4th holidays, we started talking and hanging out, getting back together in October. He confessed that he screwed TWO different girls, claiming he was under the influence and was very, very sorry; that he'd realized how stupid he'd screwed up and what he lost after I broke up with him.
The hard part is, is that I wanted to confess what I did. I told him on the phone that I wanted to tell him something, but I wasn't ready to yet, and that we should put our relationship on hold until I was ready. He kept pushing for what I wanted to tell him because he didn't believe in putting relationships on hold. Out of cowardice of losing the 'security blanket' that I've made him into, the pressure he kept putting on me, and stupidity for lying to him, I told him basically different variations of the incident that happened. From July to October. Now he doesn't trust me. He keeps throwing my mistakes in my face, and when he brings up my past mistakes, I remind him that what he did was certainly no better, he then gets abusive. Verbally and only twice physically. I finally told him the truth, and he said that 'cause I lied so much, he could hardly trust me. (I don't blame him, but he's lied to me before and I try my hardest to trust him when he sometimes shouldn't be trusted)
His respect for women has risen since we first met, but it by no means is the greatest.
I'm greatly in love with him, and everything about him, including his flaws, but the lying, yelling, abusive nature in him is something I can't stand.
Since I've known him for roughly two years and dated him without breakups for that long, I have adopted some of his qualities and became more like him. I'm more jealous, more snappy when it comes to arguments, and I've had a more sense of wanting freedom because he doesn't want me talking to other guys. He CHOOSES not to talk to other women, but I tell him it's fine, that we live in a coed world, but he wants me to CHOOSE to not talk to other guys. I find that hard to follow since there's going to be men in almost every aspect of my life...
What I'm really asking is, is there any hope of us staying together, living a happy life? Also, is it possible that I could help him with his anger? Could I also turn back in to the bubbly person I used to be instead of being his 'rule follower' so to speak? I seriously need some advice.
Thanks.