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#271133 - 03/19/08 12:12 AM Advice Anyone?
~{:{Twilight}:}~ Offline
New Member

Registered: 03/18/08
Posts: 4
Loc: USA
Hey Everyone, I'm Twilight and I have a little bit of a problem....

I've Known My girlfriend Sora (Not her Real Name, Just so everyone Knows.) for about Two almost Three Years now and have dated her for a few months less than I've known her. Shes Sweet, Beautiful, and Really Cares for me. The only problem is...We don't exactly have All Pure memories to Look back on.Like most relationships, We've had our Troubles here and there, but sometimes, I wonder if it's really worth all the trouble. Yeah, I Love her more than Life itself, but sometimes she can get just unbearably Vain and overly focused on herself. Shes Cheated on me Two Times in the past, but has owned up to it and feels awful about it. On the Upside, She really Understands me and Listens to all that I have to say now-a-days. We connect very well in conversations, and she just has a general loving glow towards me.

At the same time...I feel an Odd Attraction to Faith (My best friend, Who might as well be my Sister.Not her Real Name Either.), Something I've had for a while, but never really paid much attention to. Sad thing is, Even if I told Faith how I felt about her as more than a Sister, Shes determined not to Love anyone and saying something to her would just make things a little awkward. Should I just keep ignoring this feeling? What About Sora?

But here is Where things get really messy...Faith Absolutely hates her and wants nothing to do with her. Faith and I have known eachother for a little bit longer than I've known my Girlfriend, And we're Practically Sisters.Things have happened in the past that my caused my sister to have a deep hate for my Girlfriend, even though Shes already Forgiven Faith for what She did.

I feel Like Sora is the Love of my Life But I've been forced in the past to choose between My Sister and her, The Kind of position thats awful to be put into. Do I really have to Choose one or the other for things to be peaceful like they used to be? If Not, How can I get them to be Nice enough to eachother so that I won't have to be put into the position to choose again?

~{:{Twilight}:}~

P.S. Thanks to anyone who actually took the time to read my mindless Jabbering.

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#271182 - 03/19/08 01:59 PM Re: Advice Anyone? [Re: ~{:{Twilight}:}~]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Hello Twilight ~ welcome! smile


I'll recap:

You have known your girlfriend for almost 3 Years and have dated her for nearly as long.
You say that you love her more than life itself.
You say that you feel that she is the love of your life.
You say that she is sweet & beautiful, and you believe that she really cares for you.
She listens to you & understands you.
You feel that she has a general loving glow towards you.
You connect very well in conversations.
Yet, sometimes you wonder if it's really worth all the trouble.
The problem is that not all of your memories are pefect.
You have had your share of troubles in the past

You have a best friend, who seems like a sister, whom you have known for about three years ~ a little longer than you have known your girlfriend.
You say 'we're Practically Sisters'.
Your best friend, whom you think of as a sister, absolutely hates your girlfriend and wants nothing to do with her.

Things have happened in the past that have caused your 'sister' to have a deep hatred for your girlfriend
But your Girlfriend has already Forgiven best friend / 'sister' for her part in that matter.


Your say that girlfriend has faults ~ sometimes she seems to be extremely vain and overly focused on herself.
She has cheated on you twice in the past, but has owned up to it and says that she feels awful about it.

You have known your best friend, who seems like a sister to you, for about three years ~ a little longer than you have known your girlfriend.
You feel oddly attracted to your best friend ~ the one who might as well be your sister.
You have felt this way for a while, but have never really paid much attention to.
You consider it sad that, even if you told your best friend how you feel about her ~ ie as more than a sister ~ you think that it would make no difference because you believe that she is determined not to love anyone.
Consequently, you feel that saying something would make things a little awkward between you.

You want to know if you should ignore the feelings that you have ~ this 'Odd Attraction to My best friend'.
You want to know what you should do about your girlfriend.

You have felt forced in the past to choose between these two girls and consider that to be 'awful'.
Do you really have to choose one or the other for things to be peaceful like they used to be?
How can you help them to get on better, so that you won't have to be put into the difficult position of having to choose again?

*
I've tried to set out your points in an order that I feel I can respond to, and here are some thoughts, comments, questions:

I think that people do love their best friends and sisters, but not in the same way that they love their girlfriends, so I think you need to give some consideration to what your feelings actually are.

I know people who are 'like sisters' and it's usually because they have been brought up together ~yet you have known this girl for only three years.

You even call her your sister ~ yet you also say that you are attracted to her. Perhaps by saying that she is your sister / best friend, you have been able to have two close relationships with girls you find attractive, without anyone being able to accuse you of two-timing ~ had you thought of that?

I also think that it is possible to be attracted to more than one person at a time ~ the important thing is how you deal with it. Some cut the one person out of their lives completely, some have affairs, some stay 'just good friends'.

Your girlfriend has cheated in the past ~ I'm wondering if you think it might be ok for you to cheat in return.

You say that you love your girlfriend more than life itself & that she is the love of your life ~ yet sometimes you wonder if it's really worth all the trouble. This a bit bewildering. It seems that you have come to terms with the cheating but can't cope with her being 'vain'.

What do you mean by this vanity, I wonder?

Or have you not got over that cheating? Have you not yet forgiven her?

You also say that it's sad that if you told your best friend how you feel it would make no difference because she is determined not to love anyone.
Why is this sad?
Because she will never find love?
Or because you can't have her?
But if you have a girlfriend, you can't go after someobne else too, surely?

Is it possible that your best friend is actually attracted to you and that is why she is not seeking love elsewhere and also why she hates your girlfriend?

You need to decide which of these girls you really care for. I don't think that it is going to be easy for you to have both of them so closely involved in your life ~ not unless both are very easy-going people ~ and it seems that they are not.


Edited by PDM (03/23/08 01:02 PM)
Edit Reason: typos
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#272241 - 03/23/08 01:44 AM Re: Advice Anyone? [Re: PDM]
~{:{Twilight}:}~ Offline
New Member

Registered: 03/18/08
Posts: 4
Loc: USA
^_^ Thanks for replying to me PDM, For welcoming me as well.

Well, to answer your first question, Her Vain points are that she had bad habits of only talking about herself and how she felt as well as Not letting me speak when I had something to say. It may seem like nothing, but it all begins to build up after a while and I find it a little Frustrating when I'm trying to have an actual conversation with her and not a monologue. As for the Cheating Issue, I have really forgiven her. Plus, I'm not the kind of person that would cheat back even if I hadn't forgiven her.

As for my Sister, It's not sad because I can't have her, It's sad because She wouldn't give anyone a chance no matter if it was someone she was close to or not. Basically, She doesn't know her Sexual orientation and even if she did, is completely UN-interested in Love from anyone unless it's a caring Family or Best friend Love. At the same time, even if she would go out with me as my Girlfriend, I'd never even consider being with her at the same time as my Current Girlfriend. In basic, the possibility of her Loving me and Hating My Girlfriend for that reason, not for the past, is pretty impossible.

Thanks,

~{:{Twilight}:}~

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#272325 - 03/23/08 01:06 PM Re: Advice Anyone? [Re: ~{:{Twilight}:}~]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
So you have the love of your life, whom you love more than life itself, but who has irritating habits ~ but who doesn't?

And you have another friend, whom you are not sure whether you want as 'sister', 'best-friend' or 'co-girlfriend'.

And these two girls don't really get on?

Is that basically it?

Ask yourself this ~ if your best friend said that she had a romantic inclination towards you, but both girls were uninterested in sharing you as a love interest, would you finish with your girlfriend?

You don't like choosing, but what if?


Edited by PDM (03/23/08 01:06 PM)
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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