Hey Blood of Raven, and welcome.
I agree with Zookeeper with the professional help thing. But it is always your choice.
I read what you said about not being able to believe that you got a boyfriend, and then you listed all of the things that are wrong with you. I don't like to here that. Everybody is unique, special, and beautiful in their own way, and you should NEVER feel bad about yourself like that.
You seem really responsible and aware of your safety, which is good. Few people are these days.
Now for you boyfriend. I have a couple of personal stories to tell. I have a crush on two 18 year old guys, and I am only 15, like you. They never really seem to be that much older, do they? The thing is, guys naturally mature later than girls do, in every way except sexually. This can lead to quite a few problems, most importantly moral and legal problems. Sometimes it really sucks. I don't think I would ever put myself in a dangerous position with either of these two guys, because they are much more sexually mature than me, I know that, and want to avoid any possible issues with them. The way I see it, you have put yourself in a possibly problematic situation. If I were you I would get out of it before it causes problems.
When I was 11, my family and I went on vacation to Cozumel. We met two guys there, lets call them Bob and Andy. Andy was my sisters age, 14, and Bob was a little older, probably like 17. They both seemed really nice and so when our families became friends the four of us started to hang out more. Andy and my sister became really close, they both liked eachother. After a couple of days, Bob started "helping" me with things, like climbing up ladders or swimming to a certain place. While "helping" me, he would do stuff to my body, like grab my breasts or finger me, stuff like that. I never told him to stop, and until now I haven't told anybody else about it. My point in saying this now, is in response to your "trances". I think we all go through a time when we do not have control over what we do. I didn't say no to Bob, just like you never told the previous guys no. DON'T let that happen. I still regret not saying anything, and probably will forever. You will regret it too. I promise you that. Another reason for you to tell your dad about the relationship that you have, is that it will be a LOT easier to tell him if anything happens like the situation between me and Bob. And you should ALWAYS tell someone. ALWAYS.
I really hope that everything works out for you. Please don't do anything now that you would regret later, like not speaking up to anybody.
