Katie, You say that you, "I still feel like I betrayed them", betrayed them. I have been their I held that feeling for a long time. I had a friend in junior high school that was a senior. I was fairly popular in junior high and had allot of friends and a steady girl. My friend, who happened to be a girl too and very pretty, went to church with me and she was the senior - she asked me to go with her to prom and I said I would.
I ordered the tux and the flowers but when the night rolled around my steady girl got jealous, even though this was a girl I went to church with, and she told me that she would break it off with me if I went.
I had choice to make, go to the prom and lose my girl or break a promise that I had made to a "good girl" who was depending on me to go to her most important dance in the last year of her high school career.
I chose the latter because I was in love with my girl. The "good girl's" family shunned me and my family gave me hell over it. Only recently have I had the courage to walk up to her grab her hands and get on my knees and say that I am truly sorry and wait until I feel her energy come into my hands and hear her say that she forgives me.
I don't believe that the way into paradise is to ask the Gods to forgive you because how can a God forgive you for a sin that you committed against another soul? You need to gain forgiveness from that person or that fault will dwell with you forever!
Katie, What I am telling you is that you need to just walk up to your friend and grab their hands, close your eyes and clear your mind. Feel the warmth of their hands and then imagine the fault at hand and ask forgiveness for that fault! If and when they forgive you you will feel the truth of their words in their hands!
It sounds like a bunch of hippy crap doesn't it? But it is my truth for me and millions upon millions like me? Adjust your path, ask forgiveness and it will bring you some peace.
